-Everytime the TV says 'Stay Tuned' you do scales
-You spend all your money on ways to breath better
-When asked what your spirit animal is, before you have a chance to answer, someone always interrupts with "Parrot Ape Hybrid"
-Your limit for cost of a drink is $6
-The last time you took responsibility for your own actions, you had to take down the castle you made of Twizzlers
-you describe things as 'golden' to much
-this is slander
-you try to befriend security guards if they have shaved heads
-you are impresed by people who can break boards
-you wrote 3 soap operas all titled "as the turtleneck drops"
-you have been divorced from 19 dogs and still owe them all the matching jackets you promised
-you masturbate to the Bonnie Hunt Show, but only during commercial breaks
-you're indestructible
-you don't get The Office, but tell people its your favorite show
-Rome if you want to
-Everytime you make eggs, they don't turn out white
-You break your friend's swimming pools consistently
-you're bringing Megawhore Back
-You are not allowed in Planes that go over Iceland
-you only eat turkey on Thanksgiving, but the fact that you do drives you away from people
I Enjoy Christmas More: Put Me Down
You Can Create Autobiographies for Fictional Characters: Yukon Cornelius
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