Yo! Majesty - Futuristically Speaking... Never Be Afraid

Yes, your Honor. My full name? Mushroom The Novidavidant. No, sir, its more commercial. Thank You Sir, pappreciate it... thats appreciation with paprika. Sorry sir, I'm bad at detecting sarcasm. Sorry sir, I know this is a serious matter, a serious matter without paprika.  I agree your Honor, let's get this thing over with- I've got another itch I need to scratch, if you know what I mean.... Ha- hey judge! I mutter to myself under my breath too! We should definitely hang out as soon as I get outta here, I got the in at Houlihan's ever since this incident. (wow the judge seems really cool, even if they do find those bodies I bet he would understand, he gets me... o wait he's a she... I'd gristle her biscuit). The text message, her honor? What text message... for aren't all written messages in text? O the text message on the screen. What does incriminate mean? Fine. Al read it: "i just killed yr x-bf... he didn't die rite away so i jzt kept aimless. now lets meet up and do th sex on his dead body"..... aimless? I meant 'chokers'... t9,  y'know?

Elementary School Election Platform Speech ripped off this track: Grindin' and Shakin'

Next great crayon color: The Beatles

Rainbow Arabia - The Basta EP

Favorite Thing on the TODAY show: when they show the crowd cheering and there are old ladies, who have been waiting to wave to the camera to her grant children, trying to figure out their digital camera therefore missing their moment to wave and looking like a dud car bomb on national TV. Favorite thing about gas prices: that song 'Gasolina' seemed even more hurtful. Favorite thing about the term "your neck of the woods": the natural link to visualizing my tits of the woods (or my second ankle of the woods) (or my marrow of the woods). Favorite thing about autographs: auto- to shake momentarily in order to procure base numeral kowledge of said shake. graph- liking in visual. My favorite thing about people who make fun of 'Jon and Kate plus 8': their socks. Favorite thing about the number seventeen: vente. Favorite thing about SERC system prioritizing: bending over. Favorite inappropriate fuzzy item: esophagus (second place: windshield). Favorite thing about the TeePee: the nightly performances of hit Lifetime movies including: Mirror Torn by Two, Last Hope Revisited, Her Children's Children, Working Up, Glowed to Light, Morning Provisioner, Will She Walk to Them?, Market for Liam, G-Chat Unprecident, Mortage for Her Love, and Choice Chosen. Favorite thing about the end:

I am a Track of dissonance, I am the Track of Light: Let Them Dance

How Prisoners Shave their Heads Consistently in Prison: Friendship

Fight Bite - Emerald Eyes

True Story: During the course of the work day, I partake in instant messaging with my wife. We mainly banter on about Eugene Levy, and dinner, and my faults, and John Water's faults (there is one: his harp playing). Anyhunk- I lie. Not now, but I lie... in bunches. During conversation, I  referenced my Filipino Heritage, and how we look like monkeys, and find baby's sexy. So sexy, in fact, that we once elected a baby as President of the Philippines. She said "really" and I said "no, its just a movie- President Baby".... she believed this, and I kept saying "President Baby" because that concept is comical to me. After a  chug-a-lug 14 minute span of believing that a movie President Baby exists, I confessed that she was of lesser intellexxx to believe this lie, as with most my lies, as with most my pricings, as with most my Static-X references. After an hour or so (or so? who am I, Santa's dick?)- my wife came back to me excited going- "OMG!, GGG!, OUJI-G!- look what I found: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_baby

I love my wife (more than Chris Rock loves being Black, more than Sarah Jessica Parker loves being young, more than a pedophile loves peeing, more than Cate Blanchett loves air, and more than Chris Rock loves peeing air when he was young and blacker on Pedo-Jessicate Blancher).

Inuit Teenager Rebellion Thrash Track: Never Let Go

Funniest Part of The Office Premiere: When my erection erected at ninety degrees

Mount Eerie - Dawn

Wow, that dog is really barking at us. Well I don't think that is an appropriate reaction. Yes, I think nothing good will come of that. It won't even benefit you, it would actually stain your teeth. Yea, if you do it, I'll film it. Yea, I got wide angle and my editing room does have two chairs. No, they're folding chairs. Well if thats your excuse, you're being a pussy shell. No, its a term I invented for a stubborn pussy, which is what you are being. Well, then do it, but again, bad bad bad bad bad bad idea. Firstly, the dog has ceased its barking and is probably at least 3 quarter blocks from us. Secondly, we're robbing glue from the kindergarten, and A) this conversation is slowing us B) provoking the dog could I) harm us for the dog size is 3 dockets on the larger side, II) blow our sexy, sexy cover, III) incriminate us, no matter how hilarious, it will still incriminate, IV) your allergies make you fart, which opens another set of bullet points... where am I? o- C)Youtube sensations are a hollow celebrity. So- I know that I owe you one for sucking my dick during my cooking show, but right now- I would like to finish pooping and let that dog have this one. It's a dog. Fine. You win. I'll get the body hose.

Clouds seem meaningful when this track is played in the background: Moon Sequel

Biggest Request for me and this blog: quit referencing your blog and dance!

Fabulous Diamonds - Self Titled

So I started wearing shirts. Then I got hooked. Now everything I see can be a shirt- towels, guac, propellers, heat. Now if these 'shirts' inspire the shirts we see in Back to the Future 2, then that means I have served my purpose and therefore have access to Doc Brown's time machine...  I would not call him Doc Brown, that is too informal. I'd call him Not-Caleb, and I'd visit when Axle Rose first got cornrows. Next up- overalls! Overalls are the Duke the Dumpser Droese of Orgasms thru Comfort. Also, this Fabulous Diamonds record deserves some clout and merth as pertained to tribal speak and working mothers shouldn't get custody, they should get a dick in their rapture. I recently found out Glenn Close was naked in a movie, therefore I will never be watching a movie again in fear that it will expire my toys r us coupons. Word, worm.

Those Dr. Seuss Hats are still made and handed out and what makes me comprehend this track: LP3

Sarah Palin Joke: Jokes about her are lame jokes (or tits)

CAW! CAW! - Wait Outside

OK, team Chili's, its a Saturday Afternoon, there was a sale at Penny's so expect CROWDS. Abbi- the thing we talked about? Here's some floss. Judson- you're a great philanthropist and auteur , but we need you not to use spit to clean those tables. Chris R.- remember the vegetable of the day changes, I know you can only remember the vegetable of the day of your accident, but we found out seaweed isn't a popular dish. Chris Y. - we made a section of tables with shorter legs, so that lawsuit now has no merit. Fabolous- your penis has shoulders, posing an obstacle for future business ventures. Me- you should have went with the long sleeve, customers are complaining about your tattoos of 1996 team USA women's softball softball scores. Weather Map- LOOOOOK OUTT!!!! Lyle - I know you know that you got a sex change, but not until you shave will I refer to you as such. Now- lets all get dressed and make this the most tart Chili Restaurantery inside of a whale ever!

Tractor Mechanics Social Outlet Jukebox Track J5: Wrapped Up Neat in the Bible

Problem Plaguing Child Prodigies: the economic distribution rates pertaining to the SpongeBob

Josephine Foster - This Coming Gladness

Every time I hear there's a murder, I think its a man. I also think all lesbians are women, all shot callers are van drivers, all of Santa Fresnada, CA are tortured Elk,  all DVDs are bad dressers, all Bobbys are Billys, all shark riders are patterns, all ski jumpers are hatcore, all fashion is bludgeoning, all copycats are success stories, all February are hurricane victims, all saferty colors are plasticized, all damage is ice farts, every person is a diamond, every parking spot friends, all sixty eraseeer, all diction is itemizied, Canasta Shakes, Lord Lips, all faints are post-modern, all Jeremy Piven fans disagree, all dont'-think-so's are predetermined, and high speeds are lesbians. You're shorter and our shoulders shoudn't be touching. 20,000 more reasons are silenced.

Track that shows my age: All I Wanted was the Moon

Excuse for pooping while swimming: Art

Factor - Chandelier

Where do giants get clothes? Seriously. Giants are usually the only giants around, usually secluded in a castle or on top yonder mountain frame. I mean if they lived with a bunch of other giants, in Giantapolis or Giantoolooka, they would just be normal sized folk (don't get me started on that one Ren and Stimpy episode about the littlest giant- its fictionalized- I mean a cat friends with a dog?!). So- the giant's clothes thing- they have to make their own, which is exemplary  (and sexemplary or t-rexemplary). They probably only have like 3 sets of clothes to, so giants must be quick at laundry and or make their wearing cycle last long. Coincidentally, I'd like to see a giant's bra and maybe even live in her cavernous vagina for a semester. Giants are scientific fact according to the Bible. Coincidentally- "Bible 2: Relax Your Holes"  was just a bunch of sexual positions and how tic tacs are replacing maracas and the warning that goes with such nipple tilts. I think my favorite giant would have to be: America's Institutionalized Glorifying the Anti-Hero as Relations to our Rapidly Increasing Child Obesity Rate (Holden Caufield you fucktard). O- Factor's got beats that 'beat' finish this sentence.

Religious Homemade Submarines Makers of Russian Influenced Alaska Anthem: Pray

Rhyme that could be used by a hardcore band on their 4th 7-inch this year: Hawk Cock

Land of Talk - Some are Lakes

(Way to try recent re-buzzed band: lame artwork, lame title, snaggle. Then again, awesome artwork, awesome title, snaaaaaa-GULL!)

The way to eliminate awkward situations is to have more naked. Awkward situation: handicap'd people; now if they were naked- you have more of a reason not to want to talk to them (have you seen a dick after someones been sitting for 15 years- talk about seaweed!). Awkward situation: farting. Every time you have to paint with the air brush (burst a butt bubble, shallow end the goose, vacuum out your pocket)- get yourself naked... not only would your clothes smell better, but people would get the cue that you're about to louden the stink and leave the room. Awkward situation: you walk in on your significant other's father naked (he's not handicapped or farting- just a standard naked part of his day). Well get naked in front of dude. It'll make him feel less awkward- or hopefully, even more awkward creating a bond so awkward that everytime you see that dad you'll see him naked (again not handicapped not farters) and he'll see you the same way... that's just funny.

Track replacing the birthday song in Kuala Lumpur: Young Bridge

Hilarious condom: mahogany

Eleanoora Rosenholm - Älä Kysy Kuolleilta, He Sanoivat

MoMoM ! Breaking a paparazzi's  locker for with his leg! I had this record for a week as per my yearly influential from the great Islaja and Lau Nau- two superstats whose period blood I imagine unlocks clogged locks. These women, now including that Rosenholm are Britney Spearzing their way into my butt, my heart butt. Superstats. O- girlilla has a bear covered this the other day- and I was like "dayum slam, I gotta beef that slow pony". I like a lot of melancholy music, because I truly am a horrid black, capitalist driven, glowingly sharp bubble of bent pesos and purses filled with stab wounds and nurses home phone numbers. I am a goo goo doll, I am salami made from finches' (the larry (of 3 stooges) of birds) meat, I am the bronx zoo crowd on summer weekends. I loved GOB from Arrested Development because, like him, I have an overwhelming feeling to please my father which is covered by my sluttiness and dick hearted ways. "Well, I'll start my own business. How hard can it be? Bzzzz! We'll see who bring in more honey (more buzzes)". So, in conclusion- more Arrested Development quotes and more focused bibble Bible humor on the album itself. This album has sancrity as cited by apostle Luke while he was brooked by the Romans. Brooked is a term, narely used today, but in 19th century England it was swingset fodder for sperm production. "At Risk Male Youth.... that spells army!" I didn't finish up strong. It's probably cuz you're such a pussy.

Impressionist Nomadic Vitatomic Fun Good Blast from the Past Melt in your Belt track: Pesulassa

Way to tell your mom you're pregnant: have the baby while she's pregnant with you

The Donkeys - Living on the Other Side

Most writer's don't write for sentences. I mean they don't write for each single sentence as a viable resource of Heismaverickmanbulgeism. Only me and Michael Ian Black (check it- 'My Custom Van'- should I review books? no? ok.) Anyway sentences made the movie Home Alone, and they're making this post starting after this next word now. Commercial Free should apply more to commercial fucking. The woods is just a halloween word for forest, its like calling a white people tourists. I hope there's some pervert committed enough to buy a child prostitute and pay the hourly rate until her breasts develop so he can watch her breasts grow. The guy who thought to put sunglasses on the sun for description areas on weather maps has inspired a lot ofpeople to smoke. Symptoms are just code for having too much time and money and space. I think getting pregnant is like running through tires- its easier if you keep your knees high (winner!). Hangnails are equal to that one women in most work out videos who ties her sweatshirt around her waist. Garbage makes the best trash. Skirts make the best loins to piss in. You can't become pregnant. You need a family. I'm going to crack your Pussy Shell. Domino's pizza is the best pizza to poop. Limousine derbys are funnier for the environment. The skinnier the leg the closer to bone. People tailgate.

Child Actor instructional preparation track: Dolphin Center

Literal logo: Best Buy's  a yellow tag, a mickey fickey yellow tag

David Byrne/Brian Eno - Everything That Will Happen Will Happen Today

My dog, Brochure, is an avid conga long. He's also never blue (literally!). In honor of hurricane relief we will be hearing about this week, I'm gonna let him write this post. He's a dog!:

jfkg7rt se c c cfysawkiugqwa wkhbjssxchyjnjhfnvervujwwqbexb b b rejl uuuuhftgfvcdsuhjsxieo00d\\\===-p[p[

;././/'[\'

/'.;lkjhbvgfdeqa21` e221 2x 1XX XER SFEHJHJ HJI UERGCLSXJQBZCVCVXUJNBNM

Awww! My favorite part is when he hit the caps lock. Also that took long because he hit backspace twice.... but blogspot has auto draft save--- its like a judge that way. B

Track Zach Packed in His Nap Sack Crack Lacking Quack Stack Back: My Big Nurse

Million Dollar Idea that only needs a jingle: Prescription Fruit Bouquets

-Ok, now its me again- good job, Caleb's dog.... he's very smart, he just learned to pluck eyebrows and he hates women in the workplace. His erections? Well they're fat.

Vic Chesnutt, Elf Power, and the Amorphous Strums - Dark Developments

I once saw a picture of a donut with teeth, and then wondered if they could easily take a donut and add real teeth in the hole. That was good art. "Baby, you're art, was the best art here." Also, John Lithgow angry is an art. Really anyone from Third Rock From the Sun getting mad at their current life status due to poor choices is great (save JGL- rocked the shit in Mysterious Skin, brah). Menu Presentation is an art form. Boogers and poop.... hahahahahaha. I love this art work by Terry Rowlett (cover design by Laura Carter) because I love weird things in capes.... like blind 'n gay Superman. The music itself is akin to the feeling of getting wrinkles out of your dick and fucking a burnt watermelon. It's a triple bunk bed with 5 beds of what you expect when a Vic Chesnutt type plays with an Elf Power type band plays with an Amorphous Type Strum vegging out of pointed sticks killing a hybrid Queen Latifah/Kenny Loggins/Slinky/Fake handshake/Bag with Dollar sign on it/Singing Insect Spray. Also art I like: Religious Dildos and parodies on modern cultural phenomena with celebrity hosts (Viggo Mortenson). Also did you know Roy from The Office (who you heard from earlier)'s last name was Anderson- so Pam would have been Pam Anderson....writers. This is music, not the history of tar.

Track that made me hollow: Bilocating the Dog

Foreign Oil Policy: wearing jeans with a blazer

Grails - Doomsdayer's Holiday

Financially! Boobs on the internet. Other things on the internet: yahoo! answers, r2d2 phones, pictures of predicaments, degrassi wikipedia, degrassi actor's myspace... yeah lets go there!

Jimmy Brooks  - http://myspace.com/thisisdrake

Jay Hogart - http://myspace.com/mikelobel

Manny Santos - http://myspace.com/cassiesteele

Ashley Kerwin - http://myspace.com/melissa_mac_entire

Marco Del Rossi - http://myspace.com/adamo_ruggiero

Spinner - http://myspace.com/56305039

Goo - http://myspace.com/mr_ruffrida1

Myspace - http://myspace.com

I got bored with looking thru all the fake Ellie Nash page and I hate JT Yorke and Toby Issacs' doesn't have one and Snyder's Berlin is beneath this and I work with the 'dude you're getting a Dell' guy, I also found Sidney Spencer from the 2007 Nat'l champ Lady Vols, and TWINS!! I also found a fake myspace for Craig Manning with all the songs he sang on Degrassi.

Say something about September 11- pepperoni sales went up track: Immediate Mate

Robert De Niro: Dwight Hansen (This Boy's Life)

Porn on Vinyl - I Spent the Night Thinking with Short Perioids of Sleep Interrupted by Visions

I'm not one for carrying the America torch and make rolling hills out of the freedom we shove in the faces of billions of those poorer than us- but when I eat Froot Loops color by color and when only the blue loops, red loops, and white milk remain I get a "Sears" of pride. Anyhank, my ideal job. My ideal job would be to be a writer for the Flintstones. I would write for the Flintstones so hard. I'd write for the Flintstones during the 80s revival when they had that Addams Family, I'd write for any subsequent minimal thing to keep the Flintstones alive. I just wanna use all my creative eggs to turn modern things into rock themed things or names in rock theme names or animals into dino themed animals. Yea, that. I'd also like to crash airplanes.

Reclusive Flag Expert Theme Song: Set Up Apparatus

Grossest Thing to Fart: a half-attached braid

Pocahaunted - Island Diamonds

Surely, the table tops that thought of Dragons believe in evolution. So there must be like a chronologichrome of Dragon's breath, like they just started out having this warm swarthy breath that women used to get off to, then steam and that steam breath just annoyed everything and made flowers wilt and wrinkled the suits and nutsacks of medieval constitution writers, then possibly warm water, then jamie lee curtis AKA sssssssmoke, then fire. After fire? Lasers? No, thats dumb (in a gay way- like it has sex with answers of the same sex). After fire came Woody Allen screenplays then bandwidth which is where we are now. And seriously whoever thought of dragons, you could have done so much better by explaining the dragon's circulatory system or lung-abrossisius. Also does Shia LakeBuff still talk to anyone from Evens Stevens or does he just concentrate all his effort into making himself look edgy and hip. Like me! Like me? Like me. Like me; Also will Josh from Drake and Josh not care when he's super famous. Incidently here's how I imagine a conversation between Josh and I will go:

me: Give me the money! I ain't playing!!!

Josh: Yes, hello- who is there?
me: Josh, 1. I liked you better fat, 2. will you buy drugs off of me, 3. I wrote a sequel to "Full Frontal" (eds note: 2002 Soderbergh movie starring Duchovny) but where everyone's blind.

Josh: How old are you?

me: Almost 23.

Josh: Almost... like in 6 years.

me: Wow Josh you are as witty as you are witty, I'll untie you now.

OK. Pocahaunted makes music, get mirror mics and beast that you are while y're at it.

Pinstripe suits cryptically spell out chord progression to: Ghetto Ballet

Verizon Commercial that provoked interest: The one where they cure diabetes thru rape

High Places - S/T

No, you should start putting the record label. So thissue (this issue, geebs) I am going to explain this blog, but probably not. Actually this weekend kind of rocked me. My wife's grandfather past away (this is a review site). I mean I've been there before with my mom's parents (I review albums I like), but death is such a core thing you don't know how people respond (then I just write unrelated things about stuff). So this is the most serious entry since Freddie Prinze (and I actually explained the site), I decided to list give you my super bowl pick: Superman vs the KISS army. I think the Harry Potter kid is charging too much for personal appearences- build a portfolio, asshole! Also the next fad of words will be as follows: Perch, Results, Doo, Currents, Bless. Ok, my wife just left for the funeral back home (the rating system doesn't matter to anything) she seems like she's taking it well (I just make up whatever's ever). It's death, it's scary, it's real (I have a dumb review site because reviews are dumb and don't matter anyway- use ears). High Places, they've been around- awesome they're on a big label for the debut,  good. Good.

Track that Borat hasn't run out its welcome somewhere: From Stardust to Sentience

Bathing Suit Use: actually bathing (2nd place: jerk's diaper)

Envelopes - Here Comes the Wind

The term 'field day': I would love to be at the first one (or even the planning for or even the conversation for or even the pre-soak). I would also like to be at the second one where they noticed the flaws of field day and then the sixth one where they first started hitting their stride. Scarecrows have field days all the time. Now, this Envelopes album, which is better bolder brighter than your album, invokes the Weymouth-Byrne dynamic in Swedish wolf clothes-which is saying its not getting ovarian cancer for another 30 years. This is the magic coaster roller that finally puts you over the edge and makes you cool/gives you a personality/gets you wolf laid/brings back the fad of wearing children sized leather products/slash/what bugs does to daffy. So, when the digital signal comes in February taking away your ability to buy the best back t school clothes and digitizes your size for government use, Here Comes the Wind makes you remember the previous month when you and your family argued over how many paper sheets to clean up your dogs blood/seamen explusion. And why don't women age better?

Authors who freeze in public urinal's to these tracks: Party, What's the Deal

Most underrated teenage hang-up: TITS

Eat Skull - Sick to Death

In a dream network, news music would sound more like this. Or this with vocals from R.Kellen as a dentist. I like beaches (beaxxxhes) but I don't appreciate the lax attiude other beach purveyors steam off. I mean its a beach, not a Denny's. I mean its a beach, not Mt. Everest Orgy-fest. Metaphor thru metafive--- if Adam Sandlish and Wink Ferrell were in the same movie both playing Bob Dyland as Jack Blahk fighting space starfish to save a Jentrified Love Hewitt Sexy President- all in a Grease type style. There. Thats this album as explained to the aged unhip (less than 19 more than 31). This is also music. HEY! When Sarah, the blond precosi on the hit Saturday CBS Morning show 'Horseland', was filmed by 2/7 of the entire Horseland roster in their audition of Horse Channel junior reporter, she was afraid it made her horse whispering a novelty... or she was too modest... or she sticks bingo chips in her horse, her horse Scarlett, 's butt. Eat Skull is the Sarah in that I know both of them. (Horseland CBS Saturday Mornings- part of CBS's KEWLopolis- check your local listings). Stand up to your medical instititions, health is a myth, being sick looks cooler and makes you poop more! Man is an island, and pooping is the one palm tree that signifies it is an actual island!

Track I wet whistled 'Sitting on the Dock on the Bay' to the wettest: I Licked the Spider

Jessica Sumpson Celebrity Endorsement: she's casual and is in a photoshoot 

Your Heart Breaks- Love is a Long, Dark Road (Love Is All You Need)

I'd rape whistle long titles (thin whistles wearing helicopter pants). A short list of long titles (not a shirt list of long sleeves): Harrison Ford's K-nineteen the Widowmaker (the soundtrack), Modest Merloni's Turning Into Being What I Once Already Was (the shout out), The Fat Boy's Baby You're A Rich Man Ba-ba-ba-baby You're A Rich Man, You're A Rich Man Now (M. Night Shamalama's Favorite National Anthem), and Me as Derek Jeter's Once We Put Hinges on It, the Problem Solved Itself  (Village Green Preservation Society).... ok whatever.... is the picture blurry?.... I should have put parenthetically put Beatles references in (sorry, I have no sympathy for the devil). SO- Steve Moore vs Karl Blau vs a sneak attack from Kimya's Dawson  vs the Goya Monoply, referee'd by the next big thing in framing Clyde Peterson, all to see who is mailboxes. Mailboxes for worst. My wish mailboxes were dead hookers. Now there's a SLOT joke.

track that reminded most of surgery: Icy Roads to Index

delayed reaction due to on set heat exhaustion brought on by a Giant's piss: post-nimble (its  the 5th stage of 6)

Chairlift - Does You Inspire You

Imagine 16 alligators wrapping VHS copies of Home Alone in Doritos. All the Doritos would break (save for two - three) on the stubby un-thumbed hands of those 14 alligassers and all the Doritoes would break because they do not make wrapp (save for zero to half). If you imagined this correctly, which I assume you didn't, you are the reason why they made cheerios healthier or why Jamie Lee Curtis doesn't have long hair. When you're ready to have kids, you're ready to have fat kids. Charlift does music like- ooo ahh, ooo ooo ahh (ooo ahh, ooo ooo ahh) and are great for the following last names that can double as first names: Scott, Gerard, Lee, Hooker, Barn, and Carey. With a subtle whim of classical pain free and an air of sounded cage alarms on a low mellow setting,  Does You Inspire You is better than the following Tyler Perry movies: TP's When I Get Moving, TP's Real Cream, TP's Archie Comics, TP's Hats Have Earholes so Bunnies Can Wear Them, TP's When Lighthearted Matters Look Seriouser in Black Face (Nuts to you, Sinatra), and Tyler Perry's.

track I pooped to: Earwig Town

Rating: lacking the faucets, towel rack, ceiling, and half a toilet- so 4/7 of a bathroom