Dec 16, 2010

3 DAYS UNTIL THE PARKS AND RECS 1 MONTH TIL SEASON PREMIERE COUNTDOWN

Are you pumped? Ya pumped? Are all. of. you. PUMPED!

We are almost 1 Month away until season 3 of Parks and Recs is back on the air (Jan. 20th at 9:30 hey!). That's more Mouse Rat. More successfully marketed-to references about Tom's Wardrobe. More peer-to-peer relationship growing between Ron Swanson and Leslie!

NBC's stupid decision to give this show half a season has now been replaced by another stupid decision, and we can now get to know the town of Pawnee (Racist murals and Corn Syrup factory et all) a little bit more closely.

What's that NBC.com? You want to join in on the fun? THE FUN OF BEING EXCITED! THE EXCITED OF BEING FUN! Go right ahead, NBC.com:



NBC.com. You idiot. Her name is Leslie Knope. I will take another screen shot to show you:


Yeah, you did your job with the date. But... why don't you care about... yourself? I mean I love the show, and you're just not giving a fuck. Give fuck, NBC.com. Geezus Chryzb.

Anyway, I am super excited for Parks and Recreation to be back on the air (first 2 seasons streaming on Netflix- GO!). I'm going to write try harder and dedicate some blog time over the next Month-ish. So this whole thing was an announcement. To myself, really. Oh, and I did click on where it mentions 'parks and rec in 3-D'. Pretty good stuff. Here's a screen grab:

Dec 15, 2010

My Struggle in Watching Television Sometimes

OK. So describing myself: A skinny, foreign tan young adult who obsesses over TV and Movies and expresses creativity thru being meta.

I also just described Abed from Community. Now, me not admitting that me and Abed were similar was holding back me absolutely loving that TV show.

Abed is awesome. I shouldn't project my feelings of inadequacy onto a TV character despite how I've said similar things that rang hollow and true when uttered by him.

Keep saying it: Abed is awesome. His friends view him in a particular light and have certain expectations of him. Abed can tell you the overlapping specifics between Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf 2 (Dad/Uncle and Francis from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure).

There's the upsetting part about relating to a recluse, odd television character. The 'dark side' if you will: Abed has to be blatantly told life is real and can't express emotions fully. That's fine. I see that in myself, I can work on that.

Things are allowed to happen in real life, as long as I can spot the differences: I flirted with a gay man because I wanted to talk about Strangers With Candy. Not some nerdy sci-fi TV series. There's a difference.

Mostly, though. Abed is everyone. He is viewing Community as a TV show too. Not understanding Abed is really not fully comprehending TV. Imagine if you related to Britta or Jeff. I would feel kind of sorry, but in a tragic way that's acceptable and makes me seem deeper than I really am.

If I'm seeing too much of myself in a TV character (nervous nerd type) at least it's on a show that has the TV character I want to grow up to be:

Dec 13, 2010

Parts of a Whale

The face.

The blow hole.

The belly.

Flukes.

The stranded sailor still alive waiting area.

The dead sailor bone yard.

Blow-hole tube.

Vocal chords.

The place where the dolphin mafia dump bodies.

Tail.

Flipper.

Right Eye.

Left Eye.

Everybody Dance Eye.

Penis.

Vagina.

The part of brain that can tell if the vagina is actually wet.

Heart.

Shrimp playing poker.

Blubber.

Diet Blubber.

Blubber Zero.

Tounge.

Baleen.

Mezzanine Floor.

Sierra Mist Splash Zone.

Trophy Case of Paley Center Honors for Usage in Literature.

Suck hole.

Suck hole tube.

Print and Copy Center.

Bad-ass, take-no-prisoners attitude.

All the above mentioned can be see in the picture below:

humpback-whale.jpg


The Whale: mysterious creature that has lived for over 800 million years eating dinosaurs, missing links, and space aliens all this time while figuring out how to always remain functionally wet. Here's to you, Shamu Robinson. Jesus Loves you more than you can grow.

Dec 8, 2010

Dumb Review: Pitchfork Reviews Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy


Let's get one thing straight. I am doing this to drive up traffic. I have a blog titled 'Dumb Reviews' and a popular review site is Pitchfork and a popular review being talked about is them giving a 10 to the new Kanye West record.

It's sneaky and nothing like me, I know. But to before a man has to 'go fuck off', he needs to have something to fuck on.

I did read that review though. And it was dumb. But they likely gave it a 10 for the same reason I am even talking about. To drive traffic. To give them something to talk about. So people who have blogs can post a comment that drives traffic to their site. I really like this album too, and this is coming from a guy who just added Electrelane into his favorite music on Face-bbooookk.

Because that's where we are. The internet. We are on the internet. And you do what you got to do, to do whatever it is you want to do. That's what I tell all my Communist Party Leader friends when they want their appetizer they ordered to come out with everyone else's meals at the same time.

Pitchfork only mentioned Chris Rock once, and that was in reference to the pull Kanye has with his celebrity. IT WAS FUNNY- say that.


Dec 6, 2010

Arrested Development Sub-Plot City USA!

Arrested Development is great. There I said it. You agreed. Let's move on.

The show is such a thick cut of well-seasoned show steak, that if you cut off just a tiny bit of it, you're gonna get mind constipated for the night. This episode alone had 2 sub-plots to its already tangential plots of the over-arcing sub-plots of the series as a whole.

Let's take a look at one of these sub-plots. A perfect gift of logical absurdity that not only connects to the other plot lines seamlessly but, amps up the pace of the entire show.


Episode- Best Man for the Gob (season 1, episode 19)
Sub-plot: Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution


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After Tobias' urging, Michael (within the joke of sycning the band name with the narration) urges Lindsay to join the family band she, Maeby and Tobias played together in back when they lived in Boston. Lindsay does not want to do it, and hated the band because it got her hooked on medication. Maeby, thinking of herself, does want to get the band back together so that she can spend less time with her parents. The entire plot is hinged on Maeby. She, through a childhood of having horrible parents, recognizes and manipulated the situation to her advantage. It's very sad, actually. George Michael just wants to be in the band because it sounds fun, and because of his crush on his cousin. Which is even sadder. You can also replace the base word sad with funny, in those last to usages.

Tobias, however, is proud of the band, and is not surprised to meet a fan, who just so happens to be Gob's wife. He even provides some background, and holds our first mirror to the prescription drug industry, "Sadly, Teamocil has been discontinued. The sense of wellness it created in relationships was merely the first sign of complete pituitary shutdown."

The band gets back together for a drug expo show at the hotel where Gob's bachelor party is happening, and where George Michael and Michael are staying for their father-son fishing trip. The band, about ready to perform, breaks up because Lindsay is irritable because the drug she taken has a side effect of delayed irritabilty, and at the fact that they are "dressed like it is the 60s" when "it's the 21st century we should be dressed like its the 80s". (Maeby leaves the band because she again recognizes the situation and decides in her best interest, which is to just leave.) In a fun bit of awareness, the stakes are raised (and the climax to the sub-plot is set up) with a slow motion reaction when Tobias finds out that his parking won't be validated if no one performs.

In the 3rd and final scene of the solution plot, we get tidied up nicely. The commentary on how corporate and uninspired the artists who work for a drug company actually are with a cliche fawning folk ballad duet entitled "Teamocil", which features the line "There's no I in Teamocil, at least not where you'd think", proving that every detail these writers give themselves is perfectly thought out and executed.

The plot is rapidly moved forward and set up to its triumphant conclusion in song by a quick earlier exchange in the episode, as Gob's wife saves Tobias from solo-singing a duet by playing the song about a drug that affected her so deeply she would recognize the singer several years later and therefore have the gummation, flare, and ballsiness to cut through the crowd in song.
Wrapping things up nicely is the third heat that makes this joke such a well-oiled machine, George Michael using his wood block and developed rhythm (inspired by punctuality) comes in and delivers the spot-on parody of drug taglines. The similar drugs to take instead have similar togetherness names- "Grouphug" & "Bondat", or you can "consult your own wellness guide". With a cherry on top of Tobias kicking George Michael out of the band, likely due to his artistic integrity being ruined if he had a wood-block in his act.

The ripple effect reaches the A-story as Gob's wife tells Gob that she is in love with Tobias, his brother-in-law, but she pauses incorrectly after saying brother. Gob, vulnerable from the current issues he has with his father and jealous of Michael and currently being humbled by him, is reminded of Michael being in love with Marta, and feels betrayed by his younger brother and takes his aggressions out on him with a punch knocking him out cold. Thus begins the divorce process between Gob and Gob's wife. All this paragraph was summed up in 3 lines of dialouge in about 8 seconds.

Dec 5, 2010

Pizza, as in relations to children's jubilation through song

Living in New York- I can getta da slica of da pizz'a anytime I want. The thing is, I have many, many choices of pizza restaurants. And I have to decide if I want it by the slice or a whole pie. And who is chipping in. And counter in cost of delivery. And hear everyone's philosophy on tipping. The whole process takes away the excitement of eating pizza. The blissful ignorance of being a child and eating a meal with melted cheese by using only my hands. I miss being excited about pizza.

So to all the blog readers under 10: -your asshole parents need to monitor your fucking computer usage, and enjoy pizza while you still can. Enjoy that an adult just hands it to you. Enjoy it while your palette doesn't care about extra toppings, and is perfectly fine with the cheaper option of no toppings.

To help with that excitement, songs have been created. Simple songs, your simple plain cheese pizza mind can understand. But why settle for Pizza Outlet when you can easily get Pizza Hut? I'm here to tell you which Children's Pizza Related Novelty songs should be "eaten crust first" and which ones to "store in the fridge for breakfast tomorrow".

What's Hot in Pizza Songs? Pizza Kids - We Like Pizza

No more The Go-Go's, Pizza Kids GOT THE BEAT. Honestly, tell me the difference (besides lyrics) between house music and We Like Pizza. It's so insanely euro-trash down to the unique enunciation of "pizah". But the song nose dives and crashes and passengers die at those awful lyrics. How about that non-linear chorus? "we like pizza in the morning/ we like pizza EVERY DAY/ we like pizza in the evening/ we like pizza ANYWAY"? If you say everyday, I understand that it entails morning and evening. And anyway other than what? When you say anyway- you shouldn't be agreeing with yourself. And not to mention- a still picture? This is 2018- make god'am video! Granted you did put the most attractive member (the Timberlake) out in front, and the girls sure can point both properly and awkwardly with her thumbs while also shoulder too much shoulder and not enough shoulder. My final decision. Much like Domino's- this pizza is best served stoned.

OLD SCHOOL- Olsen Twins - Gimme Pizza

The Olsen Twins represent a gold standard in the marketing home videos to children world, so I am totally fine with letting them act in Weeds, or be CEO of a company I'll never hear about. In their ode to pizza, they have a relatable battle cry of 'I want pizza', and offer the spelling. With the girls, parkinson-esque dancing on one side and the rainbow gang on the other- the friends extoll the virtues of curiousty and adventure by putting various items on the pizza. They kind of try here heightening from sausagesto ice cream to oreo to chicken tounge to a reference of fried green tomatoes. They weren't compelling, but they tried. Too many fast cuts for my stomach. I didn't have enough time to decide with girl I related to most. Also, their reaction shots at the audacity of their pizza toppings are a great reminder that children haven't developed all their emotions yet. But this pizza is easy enough to digest, thanks to beginning framing device in which we get to see some of the most earnest synced up head shaking on film.

This Pizza Place by us is the best pizza I ever had: Unknown Japanese Pizza Song

Japanese creative types are more in touch with the world, then our indulgent American selves. I am not going to pretend I know anything that happens here, but the song doesn't SOUND as basically structured as the last two videos, and the colors actually make me happy. Plus there's a point where something (either garlic or poop) is shown, then a dog runs out, then a man- this is followed by question marks which leads me to believe they don't know what happened either.

This happens twice actually. All with images of Italy, checkerboard backgrounds, and easy to imitate dance moves, Pizza Song is insanely fun and proves the point that lyrics ruin songs. This pizza was cooked in a well-maintained oven solely designed to hold one pizza pie at a time, which is bad for business- but make for one delicious pizza. I would say it's like 'White Pizza', but I am trying to get kids to eat it.


This has been Dumb Reviews, aiming for a lower age demographic.

Dec 3, 2010

You're reading a post right now.

Hello Blog.

I know, I know. Before you say it- I've missed you too.

We were just doing something for so long there- me with all those daily updates on you, and you with all your being on the internet- I just needed to get away for a while. That's all.

I've been experiencing the world, blog, THE WORLD. Ever hear of it? It's where information is born, raised, and then served to you, internet, to use as your food.

But I'm here now. And 'now' means something, doesn't? DOESN'T IT, BLOG?

I know you're feeling neglected, hurt, embarrassed, and probably masturbating to pictures of more popular blogs and whole-sale liquidators official websites. But that's your thing, blog, I'm not gonna bother you about it. I just wanted to see you again. And feel you again, blog. To put words inside of you. To link to things I have I just realized I left on in the background. To beat you down like an abusive husband who doesn't realize he's always wearing 'wifebeater' tank tops, (deep breath), with these super indulgent entries that write to prove a point to yourself that you do actually own and take care of a blog? Did you even get what I just said? Blog?

Hello? Blog?