Barrel Criticisms

Why don't you all taste like root beer?

Why do you make it easier to shoot fish (which isn't an easy thing at all to begin with)?

Why aren't you used as props in dunk contests more often?

Why do you have to take credit for strong men's chests?

Why do you make such a great coffin for hobbits?

Why do you make for such an awful mask?

Why don't you market yourself as giant's contact cases more often?

Why didn't you invoke an ironic barrel craze in the 80s?

Why do I address you as you as if you were able to alter your image in anyway, its not like barrel makers are doing anything new or drastic with you outside of using plastic in lieu of wood (but we put those more in the 'drum' category)?

Why do you hold such an appropriate amount of laughs? I'd rather get a 'ton of' than a 'barrel full' but still (this one is not a criticism but an encouragement).

unscheduled post

Not Outlandish Statements Concerning David Alan Grier in Jumanji

Switching Robin Williams' and David Alan Grier's roles in Jumanji (the cop gets sucked into the fame, Alan Parish winds up a cop) would've made it a more interesting movie without sacrificing the Family/Adventure aspect of the film.

In the movie, his character Carl Bentley, invents the sneaker at a shoe factory and was called Soul (Sole?) Man. It is still within reason that Carl Bentley could've also invented the shutter shades, the fist bump, boomboxes, doo-rags, the black penis being larger stereotype, and self-confidence.

Carl Bentley doesn't have a partner because they would slow his roll.

The moustache David Alan Grier grew in Jumanji is now used to clean the bottom of steamer ships.

Jumanji was filmed in Keene, New Hampshire, making D.A.G. the first black person to get a paycheck in the state.

David Alan Grier is legally obligated to appear in a movie about a fake gameboard 6 more times before he retires. He was supposed to be in 'Zathura' but backed out when director Jon Favreau told him that the porno parody rights were sold to a small startup (he only supports established/union-member porn studios)

The Cross-Section Demographic of The Academy Awards and the NBA All-Star Game

I'd rather the title of this post to be "The Cross-Section Demographic of The Independent Spirit Awards and the NBA All-Star Saturday Night". Or "Grantland Demographic".

Options to watch tonight (2/26/2012 and no HBO means no Eastbound and Down) are the Oscars and the NBA All Star Game. There are pros and cons with each. I'll already tell you that I'm going to watch the Oscars and that it was an easy choice.

While both entail much scrutiny and speculation and have big stars, the All Star game is still just an exhibition. The Oscars are way more important, might have Nat Faxon give a speech, and offer some historic significance that I might have a chance to remember for upwards to 15 years.

NBA All Star games are great. They add to the legend of Glen Rice, are great for shoe watching, and made a great Tracy Jordan reference ("..having a daughter is like going to the NBA All Star weekend. It changes you. Makes you want to take your wife to the doctor"). Still, it means nothing. Michael Jordan plays 20 minutes max. Tom Gugliotta is still undervalued.

The scheduling of these 2 on the same night is still problematic. Which one will I live tweet? If this happens again in the future, what one will be more likely to have a Kevin Hart appearance? Or when Shaq gets an Oscar nod, where will he go then? The answers will always favor the Oscars.

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