Black Moth Super Rainbow - Eating Us

THIS IS SKI BALL COUNTRY

Tyler came into that Chuck E Cheese for a birthday party. His previous experiences, other birthday parties, would have shaken any 6 year old to their core. Bigger kids in the ball pit, getting the gas and break confused during mario kart, women in mouse costumes. No, this was not Tyler's idea of fun. Yet here Tyler is. He is here for one reason, and that reason is tickets. Tyler Dunselberry had become somewhat of a legend around these parts. Being the first of his peers to hit anything higher than 20 point score on ski ball. He hit the dead center 50, not once not twice, but once and almost again. This brought young Tyler's ticket count up to 17. Seventeen. Let that sink in. 17 tickets was golf, he was buying fake bugs, flip frogs and erasers left and then right. Tyler was the popular kid. Tyler knew his friend's, Braden and Edgar, were jealous of his skills. He knew Sophie Chang, the girl of his naps, was so impressed and told her friends about it. He knew Vaco De Luce, the 8 year old who visited his Grandma that was Tyler's neighbor, would hear of his exploits and think he was cooler than the kid who didn't know what a virgin was. This was Tyler's time. This was Tyler's reason for waking up. This would be Tyl.... lanes are full? Shit I'm ganna go get me some of that whack mole action. Thanks dude, awesome party too.

 its cool thanks: Iron Lemonade

your mousatche fell off: you're not really an inspector!

Magic Arm - Make Lists Do Something

Are you getting phased out? Classic signs are: recognizing the signs. not getting a birthday cake when you lie about your birthday. being chased by dinosaurs. renewed kinship with birdbathes. more time spent on porches. not swimming during beach trips to the beach morgue. you dress like that. anal seepage. developed admiration for Hagar the Horrible. teddy bear condoms. getting off on not finishing concrete pools for friends and loved ones. using rulers to measure. typing with 2 hands. constantly telling people that you call it the forest not the woods. gaining weight. loosing weight. handshakes literally. you use best intentions. you cry at funerals. you get suspended from high school. vents seem larger. vents seem normal size. you know who Miranda Cosgrove is. you know who killed the radio star. you have friends in other states. you like the magnets on your fridge. you're dying. you're the best friend of someone you know. you brush your teeth with a toothbrush you chose. breakdancing is still not interesting. you have vietnam flashbacks. you can feel the color indigo. you've walked the last three batters. you buy a case of rubber gloves for your future golden years. you're being phased out. you're on the cover of People. your daughter's breasts are perkier than yours. your favorite batman movie was that one. you watch your dog sleep more than you watch your dog wake up. you like banks. you know where vending machines are. you haven't used the word gang in 5 years. you're impressed by folding. you are soooooooooooooo much.

Blankets applied forcefully song of rebellion: Bootsy Bootsy

Literary Term: Scarecrow's Beachball: Pumpkin

bearhug - birds

No, I said it was a matter of life and deaf. No, Paco is fine, he just can't hear cleary. No, he can hear some words. No, I don't think he can teach 5th grade. No, he doesn't have a teaching license. No, he can't read lips he'll probably learn sign language. No, he can't hear us now. No, he's in his bedroom upstairs. No, he's not going to kill himself. No, most deaf people have functional lives and contribute to society. No, I don't want your number. No, I don't wanna give you mine. No, his concerto will never get finished. No, it wasn't any good. No, I don't know that for sure without ever hearing the ending. No, Paco's instruments are actually all body parts. No, its tasteful. No, we've seen Mr. Holland's Opus. No, I don't know the porno named after it. No, the safety is on. No, rice traditionally isn't canned. No, Wednesdays no good. No, yes. No, they should always be kept in a cool dry fold. No, I don't think this was a good idea. No, those are sandals. No, Paco can still have sex. No, I'm not speaking for every deaf person. No, I think some deaf people, like some people, like myself, get off on the screaming. No, I didn't say crying. No, I have. No, that is how Paco became deaf in the first place. No, its not a life choice. No, I didn't apologize. No, he didn't find out. Yes, can't get around that one.

If you find an Ipod at UCB with 2 cat stickers doing it: Out of the Cave

Just of the top of my head: Allergy Pez

Viva Voce - Rose City

You know what this zoo needs? EYEBROWS! Eyebrows everywhere. A zoo brimmed with bush browed creatures and furrowing face fuzz. Manatees can use the eyebrows to sift their food probably. Elephants can use their eyebrows to distract from their ugly faces. Eyebrows can be used for storage nets like velcro for bats and birds. And goodness knows the ocelots can use a tune up. And we can have a pit of eyebrows, a man eating eye brow, fake eyebrows that cost 5 dollars each and real animal eyebrows for 700 dollars each. We can have catchphrases like "Go to the zoo right brow!' We'd have the most eyebrows per square zoo inch. Yes eyebrows, and I'm not an idiot.

I dunno we can glue them on? Is there a pill? Skin grafting? Is there eyebrow baldness? Is that a thing, a real problem? I know I'm getting off subject here. But what happens if a person can't grow eyebrows? Well, what I'm getting at, is we find him and help him and then help our zoo too. I don't know if its a him, I just said it was a him, it could be a her. I said him cuz baldness happens more in men. What, really? She is? Well then the carpet matches the drapes, heh.

Why does one of my favorite bands: Suck Now?

Douche Name/Funny Tshirts: Christian Hunter

Huggy Bear - Taking the Rough with the Smooch

Hey man, you ever encapsulated your penis? What? Everybody is doing it, its the thing to do from peer pressure. Dude, dude, dude here take this zip lock bag, put it like so- tuck it under the balls, and I'm just ganna suck the air out here... there. Penis feel choked? Nice huh? There are other levels you can take. Most men just straight up choke theirs, but your thumbs look week. Here look at mine--- its in a wood block, I chisel away at it to heighten the experience. I tried putting a termite on here, but it crawled up my pee hole, and got the taste of human bone. It created a master race of termites, and was a national epidemic. We just sold the movie rights. I also have a stack of CDs I glued together and I just force my penziis thru the hole here. If you really want to get extreme- you can have glass blown on your dickus, we have these mini beartraps, you can try vacuum hoses but there have been incidents of turning the cock shaft inside out. It looks pretty cool, its all veiny. Whats that? Is that a joke? I dont get it... blue balls? Mah hrm?

Unintentional Older Album Fridays are alright: Herjazz

Developed by and Starring Senior Citizens: Soccer Porn

Neon Indian - Psychic Chasms

this isnt the albm cover

"Thank You for choosin' Gatz Ex-deli Hairdressers, the best in the buildin. How may I, as in myself, help you, who is yourself? You want a shear? Whats that like sheep deer? Oh I'm just playing step right this way. Lets see what we're working with here. Hm you smell like a baby in a binder, woo. OK, sit on down like you sit down... Oooh I love your ha-ir... I have never seen a this before. Whowasthelastpersonwhocutit? Your friend, Rotney? He did it while you were drunk and watching tha NBA Jazz pistons? Well Rotney is a genius, I mean look how uneven it is! Thats crazy. Crazy is in. And there's a scab, a long one, thats hot. No, this is art. This is hair art. This uneven sideburn thing is grandiose. I said gran-di-ose, muthafucka... I ain't touching this, I'm just ganna flip this bang here and that'll be 30 dollas. OK, there. Mmm now you look like Tyson Bickfur, dayum."

Dear Guild, Your Shine Shines Shiningly: Should have Taken Acid with You

The difference between Shaft and Jesus: Shaft fucked fat women

Stephen Steinbrink - Ugly Unknowns

I bet blue fish have it easier. I bet Look Who's Talking was the worst movie to film. I bet more people keep patio furniture indoors to save money. I bet Adam and Eve watched animals fuck to learn. I bet the writer of the song "something tells me I'm into something good" tells people they missed the point more than anyone. I bet the guy who picks juries loves when the accused has a nickname. I bet tow truck drivers are 2 steps away from dressing in drag. I bet Lea Thompson's spirit animal is a pug dog. I bet carpet squares in Wonderland. I bet free masons cannot throw up in free mason jars. I bet Betty bets bed, bud. I bet True Blood used sex to inspire itself to become a movie you just now heard of cuz I just referenced it. I bet being luke warm is better than being terry hot. I bet getting more bang for my buck would be better if it were more literal. I bet the shoe shelf I made would make a good mansion for mice. I bet Hoobastank thought of their name cuz they're friends. I bet german germs are better than chinese chins. I bet you read half of half of this, ya skimmed. I bet horse meat is better with horses who have had cancer. I bet Spoon though of their name cuz they're friends. I bet magnets are the most disappointing gift to give at funerals. I bet windows are jealous of doors cuz people go thru them. I bet doors are jealous of humans cuz we get to fuck. I bet falling is cooler in Europe. I bet rubbing gets a bad rap in the south. How many more? 1. Make it a good one? I'll try... I bet vcrs make better sex toys than dvds (ie the rewind button).

perceived by fictious airport terminals as heavier tones: My Best Intent

What your butt said about your teeth: 'hairless? weird.'

Konntinent - If I Could Buy a Map of Hope Vol. 2

"Thanks for selling me your arthritis, Jaqck. This is going to be so fun! First, I'm ganna get a whole bunch of ripe lemons and squeeze them onto all the eyes of those kids whose school bus crashed in my yard. The slow process will will be like chinese water torture, but with arthritic hands and lemon juice. Then I plan on getting a job at the Bo-bona Ev-ansana, or Rube Evens, and carry a whole shift of plates only to DROP them to the floor cuz of my new frail hands! What a day! And I can't wait to masterbate- I bet it'll take at least the summer, what with my turn-on being pain. My other turn-on is pickle juice, and you now hard those jars are to turn, and with my new arthritis- jars, which were once a bystander in everyday operandi, now will turn into cruel hard punishments of wanting to eat. Yes, arthritis will suit me well, I'll have to quit re-stringing bows, and say so long to my trademark thumbs up/thumbs down rating system for helping trauma victims re-learn sexual intercourse. More like thumb-joint up now. And whats this I just found out- arthritis makes you not want to trim your nails?! That's great, cuz I've been looking for a way to making wiping my ass more uncomfortable! Just super.

Music for a Disappointing Google Image Search: Paper Thin

Modern Fort: holding hands (and wishing)

Valina - A Tempo! A Tempo!

About 14 penguins walk into a bar, and ask for a job. The bartender says "we're only hiring priests" and then 13 of the penguins ventricles popped out and said "our collective belief system constitutes a solid priestness" and then the bartender looks at the one penguin left, and said "whats with this pengwuin?" and the ventricles sauced "he actually is a priest, but is trying to break into porn" and then the bartender asserts "thats great cuz we're also a forever 21 and keep a lot of art, as in dildos with shit tip smudges that look like abstract brush strokes and bowler hats, in containers and tanning beds" and then the ventricles co-tell, "i'm afraid our being here is causing a ripple effect ultimately causing a new language to be born out of our shed skin to make steroids for horse throats" and the bartender says "you're over 45 and this isn't a resume, its me looking at you, but we have a lot of perks- such as you can hate swimming pools with me and we have unlimited access to this tambourine thats attached to the lady I kidnapped and handcuffed to the radiator" and the penguins porchanced "the punchline to this joke" and there was great weather in the breast of the Norse prison. Then the one penguin left word-used "the bartender then spat a shot gun that said 'this senior chorus trip could use more pulling' and then you're no ground, but you're some nature" and then the bartender robbed himself and filled a bunch of basketballs with non used yearbook photos from Lipaul High School class of 1970. I misunderstood you when you said that was a disease, but for further readings, read while driving.

All lip on the bottom face: Dogged

Thanks for hanging out: twas suicide

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story Soundtrack

And this is a blog. Turn down the glow of your recognition or at least counter act it with the charm and wit brought on by your impression of the teacher that was an easy target for you in high school (was it Spanish teacher cuz she was spanish, thats dumb, thats dubbledum). But what we are forgetting to use our minds to remember to forget, lest we forge it, is that we are all humbly making less out of what this state of 'more given to us' is. I have a blog and its here to act as nothing more than you reading whats read to me by mind mind typing with my body's fingers. Its not a prod or an exercise to stand up, but a means to promote selfishness thru confidence and selflessness thru conflict. And there's a duh in there, forboding on the ridges like forboding was spelled correctly. I mean there is only an ocean under the ocean if you go down deep for yourself. I'm not better than that, but I choose to be that way, and I could be better than that, cuz I already am. This one goes out to my structure, my inverted principle-less structure and the time we shaved together, the locked we fell the mighty we might. And its not being a fan of yourself unless, and less, recognizing that you love it more than anyone's anybody. Its not significant. Its familiar. And thats only truly significant when you keep it yourself like lemons on weed. Lemons with weed. Not mixed but separate. The strong current of which is why we need to move forward. There are life ups and live downs, and the middle squatch between those 2. Everything means so little in so much time because everything means so much in such little time. If sports metaphors mean anything, then its not about the score or successes or being recognized, its about how funny last names could be. Little things are a big picture. And I'm sorry I wrote this for the same reasons I'm sorry I'm white. I'm not, but I act like it? And that's totally fine, and whatever, you're more than you were less tomorrow today. And everything. Mmm. Sometimes I just need to get nothing off my chest.

Its also a movie about friends, frinds, frients, fro ups, fighs: Royal Jelly

Its not you: Its your barber

Speck Mountain - Some Sweet Relief

Things Greece gave us:

columns, olive juice, stomping, writing on graves, hermaphrodites, vases, hair detail in stone statues, tragedy, food displays, honey wine, making up constellations, volting, intelligent flys, greek pretzels, online raping, rubber screwdrivers, meta-winter sports, Home Improvement, flaunting, Marrying thru guilt, Vita Blue, Canyons, Scheinder's of Berlin, Mouseketeers, Koosh Ball Filings, interdeveloping relationships between time and space and eyebrow length, soft glass, stunted imagination, suspender umbrellas, hospital patient rodeos, sectioning off, numbers past fifty, Cypress Hill

Things Grease gave us:

Ill-timing, the pressure to make something out of the high school experience, the right to be sexually active before you're ready, how to hide erections, the ways and means to conduct illegal car races, the knowledge of how important looks are, High School Musical, to not count on your intelligence, to not count on your athleticism, to count on people who dress like you, Lets Get Physical, a sequel, gay people, the esteem needed to decorate a gym, unrealistic expectations of the end of school year, idiots who like Grease too much, the word

Once comparing the two- we see that they are not only the exact same thing, but also deal with large amounts of misplaced pride in children.

We sold the word Folks to the Latins: I Feel Eternal

Arsonist Suggestion: save money, start smoking

Super Furry Animals - Dark Days/Light Years

"Ohmie gahkd! Thats a huge gash on your head... you should wrap that up immediately."

"Oh- this. Yea, it hurts. But I have a problem with blood bleeding. Er bleeding... my blood flow. I have a problem with my blood flow bleeding... sorry I have a blunt head trauma. The gash really hurts, but my blood has been deemed retarded. Retardation of the blood. Ya know how people have it mentally- I have it blood. I have it for my blood. So really I am just waiting for this gash to start bleeding. I got hit with a corner of a glass air balloon basket (they're new- mainly used for foreplay for playverts). But yea- that was 3 days ago and I'm still waiting for the blood to flow. The gash is becoming pinker, which I assume is a sign, and I assume is a good sign. Being blood retarded has its advantage in that I can prepare for the blood gush when it comes- see I have a towel- and I immediately don't have fears of blood loss. But when it flows- it flows retarded. Like instead of flowing out the wound, it flows to an opposite end of my body and stores up blood there til a vein pops. Its pretty cool to see actually. Sometimes, if you provoke, my blood attacks you and its a lot stronger than it looks. Also, my blood is inconsistent, it starts and stops a lot and is really into online poker, where it loses a lot of money. It bleeds at awkward angles. Sometimes it makes designs, like last time- it made a connect the dot dinosaur hatching out of an egg wearing promotional sunglasses from the movie Shrimptown 2: Wearing Sunglasses. Sometimes I don't even bleed blood. I've bled hair, yolk, granite, mapquest, sock hops. I should be where? A hospital? Pff, they don't get porn there, pffff."

Former Daughters perceive the Patriot Act: Mt

Our 4k run event: Men with Paws for Menopause

Dan Melchior und das Menace - Mr. Oblivian b/w Piledriver Nitemare

Its the duality of the markings that makes it so grate.... not great but grate- actually cutting as a grate would. Its anything but great, its actually really inconvenient.... I mean why would they use it as a drain cover in the communal shower 1) OK it sifts water just like a drain would- but its a grate- no not great- its cutting the feet of most who shower there. It is in the middle of the shower room- just one big drain that is 3 by 3 that has chunks of skin and bloody pulp and bits of bone in it. 2) The grate- NO! NO NO NO NOT FUCKING GREAT GEEZBUS- being in the men's shower and having so many open wound and blood rivers flowing through the area has caused for a major concern. Many of the night patrons of the men's shower are gay men who have ass orgies there, so there is a high level of AIDS and HIV positivity- positivity is bad here please remember- at a probable rate of getting the disease. No there is no three. These 2 should be more than enough reason, to get the grate- seriously god not great- which is a utensil used in kitchens to shred. This is reasonable. Have a great day. No not grate.

Single and Loving it: Mr. Oblivian

Good News: Cigarette Juice

Madeline - White Flag

True Life: I take measures to ensure my balance on a New York Subway

"Oh is it rude to hold two separate bars? The one above the seats, and the middle pole? I didn't think it was rude... I'm just balancing myself, and reinforcing that balance. If I only held onto one, I would move as a hinge at the herpe jerky motion of the subway. I know its a crowded subway, and most people aren't even getting one form of balance and are using their sandwiched nature to maintain that balance, making for an unpleasant ride, and a popular way to avoid eye contact with strangers... but I'm really in no one's way. I actually got out of people's way to be in this position. I was standing here, then Lorimer stop (STOP) came- and instead of standing in a wide stance with my back parallel to the doorway, I am now perpendicular creating space for others- who if they also choose to stand perpendicular- would allow up to 3 people to hold bar, but the lady is in parallel so she's going to take up that space and most of mine. So now- I have to scuttle more to the middle for her head top is in direct line to my nose. As moving to the middle I find the center pole directly in front of me, and now my reward for creating space is a double helping of balance! But I look and I see people off balance and remember where I came from- that sense of being flopped and a stranger using you as a lean machine (lean machine - n- for toots taught tine to lean pon whooch whench chench miracksloosly). Its a humbling sense of entitlement, and a comfort in knowing I am minalmally bumping into people who would do the same exact thing. I think everyone is happy for me if I cared to notice how people are feeling. Also that young man is sitting to wide with his legs spread past his shoulders, thats a nope-no."

bees with beards with mous'trash'ed harps: Jive Talking

Hot Topics in Obama Dog Legacy: its jealous of shoulders

Dirt Dress - Perdido en la Suciedad

OK. You have the word 'dead'. DEAD - as in not alive, the ceasing of being, no pulse-can't go to the strip club-take this wallet-stretch his foreskin-snap his thumb off, DEAD. Dead, no breath, decaying, bury the body, the restes es peaces, people care-people crying-tragedy-tragic-sad- ya dead. DEAD- horror movie- something to avoid- the last adventure- black clothes- circumstances- fucking stiff- fucking great beyond. DEAD... DEAD. The word: dead.

Then there is the word 'sexy'. SEXY- show some skin, cleave the edge, "blood flows to your penis". SEXXY 2 Xs- the 70s, seductive looks, bending over is dancing, men like boobs, women are insecure, loosen up, the porn industry, your best friend's mom's laundry. Sexy- fifteen year olds use it in glitter font to write on each other's comment picture wall spaces. Sexy- pure unadulterated life, not a care in a world, TLC album, ratings ploy, why people are famous, why clothes are made tighter, why little kids ask where babies come from, why fucking is fucking- SEXY... SEXY. The word: sexy.

The best joke in the world is that these 2 separate words CAN JOIN TOGETHER and make such a throwaway word that means 'really attractive'. DEAD SEXY. You can use that to describe somebody. DEAD SEXY. The term is dead sexy. It should mean an attractive corpse, or when death scenes turn you on (Blade), or it should mean something ultra creepy, but no- it just means SEXY. DEAD means really. DEAD SEXY means really sexy. So this should be completely inappropriate term now means "that is hot"- not "that is hot and rotting". It means "I want to fuck that" not "I want to fuck that its dead". It means "girl you look good on myspace because you're showing the pictures you took in your bathroom with yr tummy sticking out" not "dead girl you are dead and I can rape your corpse cuz you can't fight back". A term people use in everyday life is DEAD SEXY.... Earth is hilarious! Sincerely Hoolooroous. Mother's Shitcopter.

Baby Navel's "theres no I in teacher": Dreams

Serious Entry?: no theres a teacher's strike

Dananananaykroyd - Hey Everyone

So I recently tried digesting my food. And I got to say, it feels pretty good. There's just something about it that feels so... how do I say it.... like natural, yea... it has a very reactionary natural feeling of relief and functionality to it, if that makes sense. I mean always before it was the same old routine, "chew the food, keep it in your mouth, let it mix with your saliva, suck all the nutrients out, spit into toilet." I tried that swallowing 'n puke fad, but it was just too messy. Then I tried the swallowing-puke-swallow the puke-puke again technique out of the fad, but that peer pressure led to some pier pressure (I work at the docks... oh and the pressure was the constant internal thumping of my organs deteriorating). But now, chewing-swallowing-digesting is working wonders! At first, whoa, SCARY. I was never doing that again. What just came out my butthole, right? Disgusting. But then I realized, that I got so much work done while waiting for that matter to come out. I thought about what I wanted to drink, I signed divorce papers, I cut useless arteries out of my system. And the feeling of relief when finishing! Dear God- its like a drug- to have all this useless stinksludge fall out of my innerds! Loved it! And with my recent discoveries of toilet paper and toilets- digesting just became an easy clean-up! So thank you Digestion- my incendiary friend! I meant in diarrheay friend.

Your Neighborhood had a gotee phase: Black Wax

Ideas in Garnishing: mini-plate replicas of the meal; or plum cores

Wooden Shjips - Dos

Ya know those foot pajamas? With the feet attached to the pajama making for a sweet one piece? Ya know- footie pajamas? WELL BUCKLE THE FUCKLE UPPLE! Introducing- BOOTIES! The same process of the classic footie pajamas, but the feet are steel toed-water proof-industrial leather strength BOOTS! Relive the dormant fun of childhood with the added sense of the blue collar living you have today. These boots are durable, furnable, turntable, can withstand breezes, and THEY ARE CONNECTED TO THE OUTFIT YOU ARE WEARING (which is a full cotten blend pajama jumpsuit complete with front and back zipper)! The BOOTIE comes in a Vank variety of styles of boot to meet your needs: LumberLord (Middle Earth Lumberjacks), ItsyBibleBitsy (Midget Priests), HelloPussy (Japanese Sex Slaves/Vulgar childs), Goth-icky (all black and covered in a thin goo layer), Blue (blue), ThinThug (extra tight for the hiphop'n), MasquaFrankfort (the famous mardi gras celebration in Kentucky's capitol), and NEW from Bootie!: The Sandoo! A one piece pajama connected to a Sandal (foot thong, flip flip, rat baiter). Perfect for the beach or for being a former rapist! Live it up at bed time, or wear bootie on the go! Bootie- your feet fall asleep in boots!

"Its like boots plus footies. You could have also done it musically for Fluties, also Fruities was an option, just make the shape like a banana or a plum or a plumb. Remember Frooties, the fruit tootsie rolls? Those were great to gamble with. Tootsies! Like individual toes on the foot of the pajamas? Shooties? Just make the foot a capable air gun, for kids or for homeowners protecting their kids. Mute-ies? or mooties? Envelope you in a silence, no noise gets thru- everyone can sleep in peace. Hooties- like hoodies for your feet, with draw strings and all that? Cooties are something right? Eh go with the first idea."

Eyebrows extensions use this for commercials: Aquarian Time

Lazy Man's Wallpaper: posters for The Air Up There

Micachu and the Shapes - Jewellry

My cat recently started evolving. Its good really... to prove a theory like that. Still its a cat, namely a house cat named "Mop", and his evolving, though beneficial to the planet, is hard on me. For example- Mop now can start fires. Once Mop discovered this fairly prolific step, he uses it to heat cat food, slow roast mice, burn dog houses, and he puts cat nip in a spoon over a flame and sells it to high school kids. He also fucks more. Thats probably the worst of the situation. His evolved state lets him fuck strays and leave them. Which I guess is cool for him, because he recognizes that these cats have no real conscience and just want to fuck, and he's still young and doesn't want to settle down. But every morning I see a different cat leave the apartment and when I make eye contact with them- such shame. These cat's were kittens once. Also there is a constant smell of Pussy's Pussy. Recently Mop started wearing shirts. I wrote in an online cat chat room that I didn't know whether to wash his shirts for him, or let the cat figure it out himself. The chatroom said they loved my schtick and I am now MCing their monthly get together at the PetSmart parking lot. There are some benefits to Mop's evolving. He can recognize when I'm bull shitting him, and our relationship is rounding out nicely. He also shits more consistently. If he continues to evolve, I plan on asking him to go down on me. Cat tounges are rougher.

Vain Provocateur Mix Tape for More Rope Candy Campaign: Vulture

The Next Fad in Grave Robbing: Hands

Cymbals Eat Guitars - Why There Are Mountains

So I'm glad you came back to my aparment with me. I don't bring guys back usually, but you feel special, I like your t-shirt. Just one thing before we fuck, ok? I have to shave my head. Like I HAVE to. Its the only way I can really feel sexual is by having a bald head, and feel the slap of skin against my scalp and having my skull feel vulnerable to mosquitos...ooo. Like its more a feeling of getting naked naked. So, I hope you're ok with it, I mean its why I don't have sex a lot, because it takes so long for my hair to grow back to an attractive state I am accustomed to. I know what you're thinking- and it started out as an accident. I was 17 and my hair, which has always been long and flowy--- got stuck in a loom. Why are you looking at me like that? My grandparents had a loom- and thats where I had sex? Ok ok fine- 2 years ago I had cancer, and had sex with these dying teenagers during my chemptherapy- shaving my head reminds me of them. Yeah, not buying it- I should've said 3 years ago, huh? The real truth is: I have biblical powers much like Samson. Samson's strength came from his hair right... well so does mine. If I don't shave my head, when we fuck my vagina muscles are going to rip your dick off. Not to mention all the pain I will enforce on you. I'll cut you in half and disrespect your body to a pulp. What? That turns you on? Well, I still feel weird, cuz I am a lady. Lets just shave half my head? Cool! Also my pubes stay- last time I shaved them my bones deteriorated and pooping felt so sharp.

"Hey, where have I broken your nose before?": Wind Phoenix

"So is there a lot of you 'towel rebels' or are you the only one?": Too Forward

RFTO Bandwagon - Dums Will Survive

"Well he sure seemed like a nice guy"... "Rotch is ok, just don't ask him about his 'job.'"... "Oh, what does he do?"... "Rotch writes song parodies, y'know like Weirdal, *cough* excuse me, Weird All"... "Oh that sounds neat"... "It does, but Rotch is too obscure and informal about things, lemme give you an example, his most popular one is set to 'Video Killed the Radio Star' called 'Vimeo Killed that one band -Gwar', and its about him using the vimeo service and he relates that to the 3 facts he knows about that one band- Gwar".... "Vimeo that video web service isn't that too far reaching, and people know who Gwar is I think"... "Yeah, and thats his most recognizable one. He has this one song about Vladamir Patalakha, who I believe is a painter, but I can't tell because most of the song is saying his name differently and the song melody is either 'Soulja Boy' or 'Love in an Elevator', he also has a song about cooking with a hot tub that just names shoe brands as its chorus and the last verse is a speech the Sith Lord said. It to the tune of 'Fly' by Sugar Ray- its called "F-ly"... "I don't get that".. "It gets worse- he has a side project parody band all set to Green Day songs, the band is called Green Daily Nutrional Value and he basically sings about menus- not whats on them, actual menus. To the tune of that one Green Day song - 'The plastic covering protects from dribble, THE FONT SIzE IS TOO SMALL- When I order out. When I Order Stout'"... "why'd he change the lyrics in the middle of song like that?"... "No one notices unless someone explains it, like I am to you, my favorite song of his is called 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' which is that song but he does it in a baby voice."... "That's not even a parody"... "I know. I know....... so what do you do?"

Hazen Nut Benificary Lenders Akin to Perhap achin for: Like a Dan Shearer Over Troubled Water

Made Up Word: Maerfuortariory

Jeniferever - Spring Tides

Sorry, about that long wait, I was seeing several patients with a bigger rack than your mom's... I'm going to paraphrase that if you didn't get the full impact- your mom's boobs aren't large enough for me to prioritize your health. Oh- a silent type, huh? OK well you're sickness buys my laxidasical attitude and growing removal from human connection. Lets get into it, shall we? Looks like you have a large case, er jar, of blood loss and a thick coating of autism. Also your finger bones are actually mini american flags one would find as patriotic themed table centerpieces.... actually the flags don't seem to be american... they are actually flags of notes of girls in your class saying how much cuter you'd be if you weren't in a wheelchair. Don't worry thats probably will be curable I assume. I do plan on doing some tests, setting you on fire. But lets put this chart down, and have a look at you. Please close your mouth so that you can open it wider... and I do believe we can move your asshole back to where it belongs. Geez kid, your eye lashes come out with not even that hard of a tug. You call this a spine?- its more like that glass dildo I bought for my life partner (it actually shattered and now her womb is 66% scar tissue, one of the scars actually spells out Uncle Buck, which is the movie we were watching when that fucking accident happened- not fucking as a colorful word, an actual accident while fucking). C'mon kid- thats an interesting story- the guys I keep in cages love that one... hey kid...

Mother walks into the room:

"Oh my God, my son is dead!!! Popoto- what have you done??"

Popoto:

"oh, shit. well i guess he was my son too then... huh- I guess thats what I look like as a black boy."

Wig Wam Waffler whitsles wyly with: Green Meadow Island

you're a weatherman in Hawaii: its nice out

Woods - Songs of Shame

These are mud flaps. These aren't place mats magician's use as slid away place mats for tricks. These are mud flaps. These aren't what Jamaican sprinters train on, makes shoes out of, think Liverpool is made of, create dams, or parade block with. These are mud flaps. Theses aren't articles consisting of ancient dirt letters describing how great Anton kisses. These are mud flaps. These aren't horribly designed lip rings. These are mud flaps. These aren't loot you took from the army grocer whose handwriting is atrocious thereby leading to the hilarious mishap of him not ordering enough birth control, and all those female corperals tryed getting abortions by actually trying to get shot. These are mud flaps. These aren't special b-side vinyls that one noise band you love with the kind of clever name, that you heard about thru someone's t-shirt. These are mud flaps. These aren't flaps of mud. These are mud flaps. These aren't techniques to shave off all the extra stretch your years have piled on you. These are mud flaps. Diesel Mud Flaps. Thistle more deaf claps. Man the table scraps. The ire the death the secretion of soul. Manta Ray Cum.

2009 band of the year for the week: Rain On

April Fool's Day: the trick is too get people think you're doing it when you're really not doing anything. Its about hope and wanton loss. Congraps.