"But we always have our dances in the gym. A lot of our fellow students use the bleachers to socialize. Plus, the ladder is already in the gym," said the class treasurer. Her desire to overtake anything the Vice President said was not out of any power struggle within class politics, but a matter of making him think she was smart. She was, after all, only treasurer because the other student who she ran against's brother started hanging out with the kid who was too into Avatar. Everyone in school saw the movie sure, but that kid bragged about it too much. "The gym gets darker and therefore these blue lights will seem bluer there."
"The cafeteria does have nicer restrooms."
"But the gym has more stalls."
"Please," the class President calmly stood up drawing attention to himself. He was the one who came up with the Blue theme, and his words always rang with resonance. "The gym provides more emergency exits." The vice president was visibly choked and muttered for something to say but the President continued. "We don't want to take down all those posters in the cafeteria." He moved his bangs out of his eyes. "We'd have to put them up again."
He wasn't a jock, but he bought them drugs. He's not a geek, but he talks to them at least. He's not a stoner, but he treats them with respect and reverence. He barely won the election. The popular kid had too much resentment, and the suck-up kid had too many mutual friends with the popular kid. The deciding factor was the band geeks. They voted for him because his sister was in band. He also bought drugs from some of them. He didn't realize he had the respect of the rest of the student government members. What they didn't realize is that he has never been to a school dance before.
"Fine," the vice president scoffed. He got up from his desk. "But I'm still going to jack off in the cafeteria tonight."
"Oh, so it is true!" The President had never been excited by a school dance before. He hated most of his classmates, but craved their acceptance. A chance to see their penises would make him feel better he thought. "Chad Fraley told me a lot of guys masturbate at dances and pay Gloria Jenerfargmerk to eat it."
"She only did that once," The treasurer ascertained. "Now all the girls do it. We compare prices at the end of the dance."
"Yeah, I don't want to masturbate where we eat, and I get boners in gym class all the time."
"Yeah I guess you're right."
"Hey guys," the treasurer again trying to impress her fellow students. "We should tell the janitor to stock up on extra toilet paper in the boys room- you know- to masturbate into!"
"Hey, how do we get boners at school dances anyway?" The president seemed distant now. The truth about dances proved to be to big for him to handle. He needed to pick it apart. "Don't we just listen to shitty music and the girls stand in a corner and then people who are dating dance awkwardly?"
The room looked at him. The president stepped into something bigger than him. In his quest for being alternative, he never once thought of himself to stop and smell the proverbial roses. Everyone was masturbating in public but him and he was afraid. He contemplated his next move.
"We can have both the cafeteria and the gym open for the dance. We can use all the bathrooms that way, and the girls can spread out more so there isn't one set area for them to eat our cum. The higher priced ones can be in the cafeteria, while the gym can be opened for more bargaining- you know- eating pubes or letting us videotape it?"
That night, six teachers, stoned off their asses, filmed the biggest black market porno. They each split the $555,000 dollars and decreed all dances needed the cafeteria to let the students roam about.
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slaying me
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