Review: People who say their Goatees are inspired late career Ray Bourque

There is exactly one good reason to have a goatee. And that reason is an excuse and that excuse is: you didn't know you had one. Like you fell asleep with out one and didn't look at the mirror all day, or you just fell over and strategic parts of your face hit razors so slightly as to shave of your beard cheeks. I'm fine with that. Looking down the line of people who had a goatee, I find hardly anybody I respect on that list. Not even Common can pull one off (please not the visual idea of someone ripping Common's goatee off). The list of goatee'd men is closer to the list of people I enjoy through irony: Ray Traylor aka Big Boss Man, Maynard Krebs aka not Gilligan, the one with the beret on Mythbusters... but then we get to late stage career Ray Bourque. A long time Boston Bruin, he realized the only way to win a championship was to abandon hope and sell out. Ray Bourque is still to this day the only Boston Bruin I can name, so him jumping ship is the equivalent of Cal Ripkin Jr playing for the Florida Marlins, or Allen Iverson playing team basketball. I think Ray Bourque knew what he was doing, and I think Ray Bourque had some mild Star Trek knowledge. As we recall evil Spock had a goatee. So did evil Cartman. So Ray Bourque growing a goatee because he recognizes that he is an evil bastard with bastard tendencies is almost a good enough reason to have a goatee.

So everyday people have goatees. Best Buy Employees, Your Little Sister's Boyfriend, The bassist in your neighbor's kid's band. I assume because they are bored. No matter what they might tell you, they did not think this through. The goatee had to be seen on someone and then through a series of brain thinking, the conclusion of "Say, that looks good" was arrived. Now Ray Bourque's tight goat came after a career defined by non-goatee playing. But his Stanley Cup came when he did have the circle beard. Which, at the time, temporarily lifted the curse of goatee. Everyone was so happy for Ray that we didn't care about his face being splotched on by prickly spines of hair that ranged from white to orange. We just wanted to see someone happy after having that person have a great last name for so long. Therefore- people who say their goatee is inspired by Ray Bourque are still awful. But at least you can think about how awful they are even more.

Now Ray only had the facial feature for the playoffs, the playoffs were he was carried by a much more talented team designed to win a championship for Ray so people would remember that this is the team a popular player won his championship with. Traditionally one grows a playoff beard. Ray Bourque though had to trump those ideals and trim that shit up a bit. Trimming is a word associated with vanity. Now vain Ray Bourque is the Ray Bourque we always see when we see him with the Stanley Cup. What an awful way to remember a man who had more shots on goal by far than anyone in NHL history. Look at that goatee- its like Satan's curly butthole hairs.