Review: Mustache Respect

Appropriate can be defined as 'within means of a given moral realm'. This being an age of equality and of the internet (meaning an age of easy chastising) I find the mustache to be a larf. Larf can be defined as a made up word with no real meaning but with intentions to mock probably and to be looked at dowardly definitely. I am not going to define dowardly, you can use context clues. The point here is, mustaches were past their peak before I knew what a peak was when I was a child and now they are past their ironic peak. That is in large part due to the mustache finger tattoo that makes you cool for approximately 2 seconds and of the marketing of the mustache. Blame Anchorman. I readily blame Anchorman for many things daily. Blame your dad. I shot blame all over your dad last night. I non sequitured all over you right now. No, but your dad, our dad's generation, was the generation where we started moving from the word 'father' to 'dad' and they were cool in the '70s and mustaches completely made sense in the '70s. It showed personality and women were more objects. Today people are smarter and more gay. Sure there are people still attracted to mustaches, so the mustache isn't completely dead. But for the most part, the mustache reminds us of our father. There is more to life than irony, and that is called smarter irony. Please be more specific and detailed with your irony so that no one gets it. If you gain an obscene amount of weight, wear a muumuu, a funny cap, and have catchphrases in a pseudo effeminate tone- that'd be hilarious because you are putting your life in danger. If you wear lab coats and have frizzy hair and always have a gadget of sorts you have made that doesn't work- well I'd just like that. If you play center for the Orlando Magic and really are just a force on the court and basically slam dunk the entire time while acting comical off the court, well you've been done to death.

To sum things up, you'd have to be upper echelon cool to pull off a mustache. And if you're likely reading this, you likely know no one who is.