In honor of Turkey Jesus wearing white for the first time (Turkey Jesus rose from the dead as the Great Pumpkin)(Heath Ledger Jesus is set to rise during Barack Obama's first Presidential Bowel Movement), I'm posting my resume:
Caleb "See BOLT" Shively
987789 Working Walker Blvd
Sea Boom, IO 30333
insurancescam31@alt.f1
Education
Moment's College for the Unmotivated, October 2003-January 2004
-degree in Breaking Shit
LYLAS Correctional Functional Facilital High School, summer 1999, homewrecker
-literally am part of the school, my cum is in the foundation (I jacked off in the sement mixer)
Various Elementary Schools (Ph. D)
Unregistered bird student, Fowler's School of Hard Flocks
Work Experience
Slave, Whenever - Currently
The Ad Corp.
-selling body rights, legal name, my children's rights for pocket cash
Writer,
Dora The Explorer February 2007
- Fired. For stealing. And solely writing for an anthropomorphic rape whistle.
Mad Scientist,
Self Employed 1990-2005
-helped Bill Clinton re-lection. Mostly just cut off interesting ears I saw.
Race Engineer,
Improve Your Mood Foundation 70s, 80s
- specialized in making Asians less asian looking
Coat hanger, 1929-1967
Edina's Living Things House-atoria
-Excelled. Was there til business went under. We freaked the fuck out of kids!
Author,
"Knock Knock Joke: Orange you glad..."
References
Lyle "You're Late" Blottenberg, Employer, "We Watch 'Curve Your Enthusiasm' With You Enterprises"
Buzz Lightyear, ex-lover (died of heart attack, but still a reference)
This is actually an awesome record, and here's how I'll sell it to you: Sufjan Stevens produced
Best Thanksgiving Parade Float: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
No comments:
Post a Comment