Reverse psychology works perfectly in constipation. When you can't poop, shove a ball of poop up your butt. It will remind your poop that there is light at the end of your buttel tunnel, and/or make your poop jealous. Also I feel shoving anything up your split will not only widen, but loosen. Even if you can't poop the constipooption, you can probably squeeze out the shoved up poop, so it will build up your c.o.n.f.i.d.e.n.c.e. (the f stands for functionist!). So populace, where to find said pounds of extra poop? Just start jarring your brown town villagers in ice. But you're constipated? Well, I shouldn't tell you where to get poop. Getting poop is super sexy easy. You have a family and friends riiight? They sleep don't they? POOP COMES OUT THEIR BUTT. Just stick a grabby claw up there and yank a winner out. Poop poop poop. Also homeless shelters and toilets and Sally Field are never-dry sources of fecal functionst. Put poop up you're butt. It's energy saving. So no more constipation, and this would make a great song.
When I pee it sounds suspiciously like: Pain Song
Next 'green' fad: outlaw adult diapers
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