Two Fingers - Two Fingers

How to Pretend to Be Loose

-cut elbow holes in long sleeve tees

-watch NBC Thursday nights sto-ned

-quote 1990s SNL while at meetings

-name your daughter Lulu

-carry around face skin of lion cubs

-don't say loose, but make up terms to describe yourself as loose (ie 'bucking', 'donated', 'I'm all SWAM out')

-ask people if the outfit they are wearing was inspired by Twilight

-write your phone number on dogs

-teach strangers how to nod

-deny that you know what a Ikea does ("they sell ikes right?")

-try and break floors

-tan only your crotch

-piss on vomit when you see it

-over use the following words out of context: Velvet, Pricing, Essential, Bratz,  Snip-snip, Fuck

-compliment women on how they don't look

-download illegal music, not music illegally

-sell your facebook page

-shit in toilets, don't flush, then break with sledgehammer

-rob elementary schools

-dream big, stuart little

-don't blog, but if you do, do so outloud

Featuring Ms. Jade: Better Get That

News in the 50s: credit