And they're off. Literally, a fourth of a second into the race they are off course, of course. There goes the guide dog to lead them back onto the raceway. This year's guide dog is Lentil, a North Yowdser Window Xolo that resembles an offspring of a lamb, zebra and puke on fire. Lentil is owned by Granny Grunty of Hytwaller, Nebbenworshe... thats in the Forest part of Kihanto County. I am saying all this to distract you from the racers who have now just realized they are naked, but don't realize they are approaching their first obstacle- rescue panthers who have been trained to rip off loosly hanging extremitys. Word from those trainers of the rescue panthers is "they shouldn't bit off the arms, as long as the runners keep in a running position that doesn't flail too much". Ooh it looks like one of the rescue panthers is a bear in a cumberbund with extra teeth on the outside of its mouth. Splendid. Runners approach obstacle one, and YES the rescue panthers go for the bigger penises. Arnold Quaghemner looks thrilled to keep his small penis. And there is our only women runner by the fancy bear, who seems to be only licking her ti... ah theres the bite! And here comes Lentil, now on fire, to signal the end of obstacle one. We will reconvene after the judges deem if there is enough reason to continue this horrible horrible event. Once again you are watching the 14th annual Kidnapped 'N Blind people 45 Mile Race for Racial Tensions (this year: furthering them). Sponsered by Recycled Eagle Feet's Recycled Eagle Beaks which make up what the runners shoes are made of.
Inspire Spit: I am Goodbye
This is No: Upper Class Twit of the Year
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