An Albatross - The Family Album

Dear Halloween,

Quick sending me mixed signals. Is being scary cool? Or is giving candy to kids cool? Those two things aren't on my same page. Anyway, you're still cool- I love what you've done with girls gone wild, and you do give me an excuse to dress up as Salmonella Poisoning... but Halloween, we're not friends. I don't blame you, I blame your actual friends, the people who take you more seriously than crib death. The people who dress up as James Brown and at like him the whole time. Take 2: The people who dress up as airport security and act like dicks the whole time. Take 2 2: The people who dress up as Tabitha Soren and don't have sex with my laundry. I mean come and on! Who actually tries to escape from their everyday living? People with 50 cents in their dick after trying to get 20 dollars out of their mom's butt thats who. And the movie Halloween doesn't address these issue. They don't address these issues H2-0 times. These are hot selling items for halloween: pumpkins, candy, webs, masks, false teeth, body makeup.... if you bought a pumpkin, bodymakeup, and false teeth any other time of the year, people think you'd be kinky sex fucking that pumpkin. And what does the adjective cob have to do with the word web and who would ever buy one? A person can make a grave yard out of cardboard and chicken bones and its fucking normal to make a graveyard. That being said, being said, being said, being said, being said, here's a list of costumes I'd like to see: The Coen Bros, rope, lego dicks, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, swimming lessons, an out of work paparazzi, The Producer of the Bonnie Hunt Show, Todd Palin's tears, a New Orleans women not getting Stephan Colbert , Condelezza Rice-aroni, an Adult, Swipp, Ctrl Alt buttons, Thomas Pynchon, Absorption, a Scabes outbreak, A Dustin Hoffman character in the '00s, and an interpretation 0f the Breakfast Club if Gus Van Sant directed it. Itch my stroke zone, Halloween.

Sofia Coppola could gain respect by having Kirsten Dunst run to: ...And Now Emerges the Silver Pilgrim

Quick Review of the Presidential Debate: R. Kelly is mad at Tony Curtis