Quintron - Too Thirsty 4 Love

Invention. Patented. Here. Now. Boom. INVENTION: Boob Socks. Helps with padding. Keeps boobs warmer. Fashionz.  Extra protection for shark attacks. Stimulate the economy. Make regular socks jealous. End the tyranny of bra snaps. Easier on/off procedures. Would cover up more breast while allowing for less support. They're not racist. Opens up conversation to funny names: bocks or soobs or boobcks or sboocokbs. Angels and SWAT teams love them. Allows for easier sweat bottling. They're funny. They prevent accidents. They start forest fires indoors. They taste like candy. The elastic cuts off blood pressure making for swollen tits. Another invention. Patented. ANOTHER INVENTION: Boob Toe Socks. Aforementioned qualitives WITH extra pop spot for the nipple. Also makes it look like alien boobies and Koreans can make them.

They don't use small dogs in the south reaction: The Boss Wants to Party with You

An actual name of a car: Town and Country

Agaskodo Teliverek - Psycho Goulash

OK cucka - here's my impression of a camera man, who has to film a child reuniting with their parent returning from Iraq:

"Who is that character on that kids shirt? Did she pick out that fucking shirt? Was she like 'ooo mom I want a pink panda n my shirt cuz i think i'm the fucking shit cuz my dad misses me and i miss him cuz he might die and i'm still fucking 5 and that's a tragedy'.  I can't believe I went to film school to film 'moments'.... I'd rather watch ducks fuck, or a fire in a hot dog factory.... or "The Secret Life of Bees" (starring Dakota Fanning and Oscar winner Jennifer Hud-dawg). I mean what did they say to this little girl? "oh honey, your dad is gone so we're ganna film you meet my friend at an airport'. This dumbass has to be a to terd to believe that. I would tell the girl that we're protesting the arresting  of Santa Claus, then she'll be like 'cool, this makes me feel good, i don't care abut poppy camouflage. let's go save santa's black ass and get me some glasswares.' Oh shit, here coes the dad....... aw, awwww.................................................................... I love my job... got a great shot of his ass."

You can't sing Bob the Builder theme to: Kamikaze Curry Bun

Funniest Thing about Madonna: the blood stains on her teeth after she bit off dude Ritchie's dick

An Albatross - The Family Album

Dear Halloween,

Quick sending me mixed signals. Is being scary cool? Or is giving candy to kids cool? Those two things aren't on my same page. Anyway, you're still cool- I love what you've done with girls gone wild, and you do give me an excuse to dress up as Salmonella Poisoning... but Halloween, we're not friends. I don't blame you, I blame your actual friends, the people who take you more seriously than crib death. The people who dress up as James Brown and at like him the whole time. Take 2: The people who dress up as airport security and act like dicks the whole time. Take 2 2: The people who dress up as Tabitha Soren and don't have sex with my laundry. I mean come and on! Who actually tries to escape from their everyday living? People with 50 cents in their dick after trying to get 20 dollars out of their mom's butt thats who. And the movie Halloween doesn't address these issue. They don't address these issues H2-0 times. These are hot selling items for halloween: pumpkins, candy, webs, masks, false teeth, body makeup.... if you bought a pumpkin, bodymakeup, and false teeth any other time of the year, people think you'd be kinky sex fucking that pumpkin. And what does the adjective cob have to do with the word web and who would ever buy one? A person can make a grave yard out of cardboard and chicken bones and its fucking normal to make a graveyard. That being said, being said, being said, being said, being said, here's a list of costumes I'd like to see: The Coen Bros, rope, lego dicks, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, swimming lessons, an out of work paparazzi, The Producer of the Bonnie Hunt Show, Todd Palin's tears, a New Orleans women not getting Stephan Colbert , Condelezza Rice-aroni, an Adult, Swipp, Ctrl Alt buttons, Thomas Pynchon, Absorption, a Scabes outbreak, A Dustin Hoffman character in the '00s, and an interpretation 0f the Breakfast Club if Gus Van Sant directed it. Itch my stroke zone, Halloween.

Sofia Coppola could gain respect by having Kirsten Dunst run to: ...And Now Emerges the Silver Pilgrim

Quick Review of the Presidential Debate: R. Kelly is mad at Tony Curtis

Pit Er Pat - High Time

A jogging expert is preparing for an interview on the news to talk about a recent jogging fad:

"I look stupid,  I shouldn't have worn my jogging tee with my dress pants. Lose the headband, lose the headband.... OK, ok.... I'm fine.... lets go over key points: jogging isn't running, its more of a hustle, or a walk without looking like you're walking. Jogging can benefit those cheating on their spouses- "sorry honey, I can't talk now, I'm jogging", those wanting to lose weight but know that they won't, dentists jog, people who lie to cross streets, people who don't have iPods, even some people jog with iPods,, so we get a great diversity of the jog-gaas.... Now, should I demonstrate a jog? I can jog 10 steps.... might take to long... lets do 2, 2 jog steps. Talk about famous people who have jogged: Sandra Derry The Quilt Queen, The man they modeled Mr. Clean after, Tony Gwynn, Mafia don's son Rico Hettermucillo, The cast of 'Some like it Hot' might've jogged to keep in alert mode. People can jog with their dog--- that rhymes, end with that. Tips: masturbate before or during- nothing ruins a jog like an erection hitting you in the gut repeatedly, pretend you're escaping from religious pressure from a religion that frightens you- I run from people who believe in Space travel, wear shoes, run into people, leave a trail behind you, if you have glasses be prepared to not get taken seriously, don't jog on high spaces connected by wire, do compliment the grass you see, and really all women joggers are easy. OK- lets jack off and do this thing.

Circus slang meeting to discuss people who text during clowns who sing this song: The Cairo Shuffle

I didn't receive my diploma yet: really?

Hair Police - Certainty of Swarms

(its called a vacation, they take them in CSI). Here's a list of wig styles I'm patenting: The Prattle Cod, Le definition du Cock stuffy, Surgery Hive, The Columbus, Helix, Swerve a Dervish, Goose Goose,  The Dead Greg Brady, Lickety Spic, The Black President, Dino-curls, Analyzer, Anal Pliers, Butt Wiper, Duck Pond Cum Nest, Nuclear Douche, Publish My Nudes, The Texas Rape Whistle, Honey Plug, The Career of Nick Cannon, Queen Latifah's Bent Left Boob, The Itchy Crack'ole, The Cancer Enthusiast, The Teenage Donkey Condom, Shit from Applebee's, Insane from Syphallus, The Cocaine Problem, The Cacaine Prablem, The Double Abortion, What?, Dude Scars, Solitaire, Brian Wilson's Shrink, Awful Wig, You're Daughter is Missing, You're still alive?, The Celebrity Fit Club Suicide Pact, He's Gay, Fat Baby, and Fat Baby Butt Cheek.

I was at a pet rave and several dogs died humping to this song: Freezing Alone

Hungry?: Eat out of Frustration!

Koen Holtkamp - Field Rituals

I want my the Apocalypse to be just right. During the Apocalypse, my phone will be set on vibrate. I don' want to miss anything, but I don't want to miss a call. In case any woman (man?) wants to confess their love to me, as I assume they would since we're all about to perish in eternal damn nation. Also, I hope for the Apocolypse they take all the people with cameras first, first- cuz they're assholes for trying to film something no one is ever going to see, thanks to everyone dying, plus then we can take their cameras and look what they filmed and see their death and maybe tape myself masterbating before I die. I hope that during the Apocalypse, the rapers follow my advice of who to rape- rape only people who are praying. Its just a way to help decide who to rape, cuz hey- its the Apocalypse you can rape as many people as you can- but lets use a filtering system, and who better to rape then someone regretting their life. Also during the Apocalypse, we have great opportunities to tease--- throwing cakes at diabetics, throwing dogs at cats, lions at nuns, guns at presidents, dicks at Shaman, the motion where people fix there hair (like Fonzie) at chemo patients, the handless, and Ford owners..... the Apocalypse is ganna be just fine.

Fast Food faster by injection Campaign 2024 official song: Bear Bell

Is anyone annoyed with yet: Elizabeth Banks break thru already!

Fang Island - Sky Gardens

The conversation that led to the Smucker's slogan: "With a name like Smucker's, it has too be good"

Juan: "I think we should focus more on hard work we put into our thing we make- like 'We're hard working Smucks!', eh?"

Boss:"Do you honestly think that is funny? Did you laugh at that? Did you think of it now or did you plan that one? That is fucking lame. That's worse than my pregnant teenage daughter's nickname 'Spread her Smuckers'. At least that is funny, and evokes spreading, which is what what we makes does well. I'm seriously thinking about pulling out the back of your eyes thru your ass right now."

Juan: "Well its hard to incorporate your last name into shit! Smuckers? It might as well be earfucker, or ChrisTucker. I mean with a name like Smucker's, your shit has to be off some chain."

Boss:"....."

Juan: "....."

Boss: "(raises finger as if he has something to say)......"

Juan: "(look of post-aggression, pre-relief, and he lets out a fart)......."

Boss: "(slowly as if he just agreed to let the postman deliver mail directly to his pee hole) OK"

Both at the same time: "Cool, I fucked your daughter"

Stand-Up Comedy on racial tensions between grifters and winks, taken to a meta level: Curaga

Live from New York, its: A Saturday night

Carrie - 1981

If Justin Timberlake was Sea World and all my body parts that make me gargle were the keys to the rooms that have fish food..... If Amy Adams were the third trimester and me 4 years ago was the baby's kicking... You don't see many Jamaican/Japanese couples... did the movie where the prisoners played the professional sports teams (not the Longest Yard) basically come from someone saying 'pros vs cons'..... I've been holding my breath this whole entry, I just quit because my imagination thought of a siamese catfish, now siamese giraffes. Anywonk - new problem- do I like this album? yeeeeeeNO.... but yeeeeeeeeeee..... eee....... no. Is there validation in the firmness? Pediatric-ally for ventilation.  But I wouldn't coat this album in flu shot cum spray.... with my wife beater alligator saliva.... a layer of my blue man's group's dick tears. But I wouldn't shit on it.

Kids in Paris who sell Hot Butter to tourists go home and fuck said butter and: Feeding Little Dogs

How to be innocent of sexual harassment: start at an early age and spread it out over 46 years

Crooked FIngers - Forfeit/Fortune

"My Weekend if I were a Cage Door at a Dog Pound"

Everyone was working for the weekend this weekend! But me, stayed in, kept the dog in. I mean, yea, I could have gone to the local Uno's pizzeria and head fucked the hostess with my hinge lock all spread eagle- but as a gate, I have a duty. Well, thats not to say my weekend got wi-ld. Friday night- man, the dog walked up to me and I helped it bark at a perspexxxxtive owner. That lady was not getting her wheelchairy hands on my dog. Saturday was bonkers, I was opening and shutting. We got so buck wild the dog peed on me! Also, I heard one of the employee's say the f-word. Racy! Speaking of Racy, the dog blacked at a bark family and embarrassed me. But whatever, I roll with the punches, I'm a gate. I'm open to new things (gate humor). Sunday the pound is closed and therefore the dog crapped all over himself, ate the crap, died a little bit, and horribly scarred itself while an employee did come in and made the dogs go crazy by teasing them with his penis and then the dog ran into me so I had to be a gate to him. I'm a gate, and I love the weekend.

World's largest interior car design tragically burnt in a fire memories: Luisa's Bones

The circus' could benefit from: less accents, more accidents!

VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES!

Remember that movie in the eighties where the new kid comes to town wanting to be vice president, and all the cool kids are like 'that person's differences are their weaknesses' and the leader of the cool kids is very condescending and doesn't give a feep about peen. Then things come to a uninexplicable moment defining, stand off between the new-kie and joe cool that defines everything all at once. And joe cool thinks he's ganna win and remains condescending and kind of a dude on ice about the whole thing, and the new-some knows she's the underdog but still is confident in her abilities. In the movie, the new poop would say something obviously rallying exposing the asshole for being an asshole, and they would win and there would be an opposite sex interest, who helped all along, develop into love by kissing at that moment of victorant. But this is real life, and no one fucking cares and already have their minds made up and won't remember anything about what happened in 2 months. Load the cannon, shoot the cannon, react unreasonably to the damage.

Tippy Canoe and Tyler too: I dunno, your butt

Another thing: I'm going to make fun of you for seeing 'Nick and Norah's Infinate Playlist'

Deerhoof - Offend Maggie

The Peekie Mountains:

-safe haven for abandoning newborns (up to 96 months)

-hidden grave sites!

-24/7 viewings of the MAN SHOW

-kill a killer animal before it kills your family (just like movie!)!

-Everyone looks like Edward James Almos

-Everyone smells like almost like John Edwards

-Everyone sees Jammin' Eddie jamming jam on his johnson

-Rainbow free since 2008

-all you can eat charcoal

-all you can charcoal grills

-all grills don't use charcoal

-nightly performances of favorite children's stories (this month: Corduray the bear) turned into pornos

-the mountain turns into giant polo shirt every night at midnight

-make your own library

-slits

-we're better wetter, so bring your natural lubricaid

Bring your may hens!

Instructions to breath underwater: Basket Ball Get Your Groove Back

Horrible Advice: It's not easy being green

Death Sentence: Panda! - Insects Awaken

I recently asked a contingency of future jazz repairmen about the economy effectacopia, ya know just your regular dude fucks on the street. Here's what they had to spay:

"I went bald so I save solaatta change this way. I eat nothing but viagra, and I don't clean my children. Now- I actually love being poor. Thanks decision makers!"

"This is the best time to be poor, people asking me for advice about being poor and that human contact makes me want to kill again. I'm back baby! Thanks decision makers!"

"Well I'm black so I never watch NASCAR, I have however started driving naked and claim that I'm an alien from planet planet planet planet. The economy has not affected me in anyway, except that I now have dual citizenship with China."

"Crossing the street has become less challenging. I depend on getting hit by a car for my income. Now- I have to pay myself to suck my own dick."

"I sold all my walls. My house is now wall-less. I see my daughter's boobs daily, and I am quite proud of her. We've really connected because her boobs are rockin'. Thanks decision makers!"

Well, as you can see folks, a lot of people know how to talk. Let us be thankful that we can read and that I can hear. Let's use these things we do to make our own neckless shirts. Let's make our own holes. OUR OWN HOLES!

Geraldine Ferraro in the lime light again rebellion track: Exit Villager

Men who look like Hilary Clinton: Terry Gilliam, Curly from the Three Stooges, Richard Simmons, Mike Myers, A male pen