Review: Commitment

"We are here today at the house of Ganny Lanslow, a man who has been constantly eating grapes since 2003. We are approaching the door, which as you can see, is a barely hinged screen door, very easy access to prowlers, roustabouts, and in this case, reporters. Ganny should be at his dining room table... Ganny? Hello?"

Ganny is seen eating a grape with bags of bunches of grapes on the table. There are empty plastic bags strewn about the dining room. Purple stains decorate the tablecloth, curtains, walls, and face of Ganny Lanslow. He finishes his grape an plucks another from one of the bunches in front of him.

"Ganny, before you eat that grape I just have a few questions to ask of you... Ganny?.... Well, ok... what are you exactly accomplishing here?.... Why grapes, Ganny?... What do you do for Thanksgivings?... Ganny, if you could just answer my questions here, the people want to see you for who you really are. You are most intriguing I say, Ganny... When's the last time you had sex?"

" I (chew, chew, chew) get (chew, chew, chew) fellat-(chew, chew, chew)-io (chew, chew, chew) from my (chew, chew, chew) sister (chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, GULP) every couple of months. (chew, chew, chew)"

"Out of all the questions you chose to answer, I do believe that is the wrong choice."

"What (chew, chew, chew) do I care (chew, chew, chew) I've (chew, chew, chew) been (chew, chew, chew) eating grapes (chew, chew, chew) one by one (chew, chew, chew) since (chew, chew, chew) my (chew, chew, chew) wife (chew, chew, chew) left me (chew, chew, chew). I've (chew, chew, chew) only (chew, chew, chew) gained (chew, chew, chew) 6 pounds (chew, chew, chew, GULP), my shit is closer to liquid, (chew, chew, chew), and I (chew, chew, chew) now see (chew, chew, chew) purple (chew, chew, chew) where I (chew, chew, chew) once saw yellows and (chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew) browns (chew, chew, chew) but eating grapes has become my shield against the outside world. (chew, chew, chew)."

"Very insightful, Ganny. Thank you. You should really do something about the door. This is Howard Vendersmear reporting. Back to you, Ian and Janice and Lord Bolidar the Night Obstructor."