A review of what I'm going to do on this blog in the future

This is not a review of a better tomorrow. This is a review of what will be. I'm going to try something. This review is telling you what it is and reviewing what it is- and it is something I am trying. It could take its toll, but they will be reviews. And how much toll do reviews take? You disagree with it, disagree with it, or just notice it. I don't mean to be neutral, but this is in the future. It's an undertaking. Also this is a pre- of it and maybe having this already starts it. But this isn't it. This is a review of it before it ever happens. It's not happening next week. No. Probably the week after that. Don't hold any words to that. But I'm going to predict, just what it will be, will be, just what it is. Someone is going to think its stupid, someone is going to think its stupid after awhile. Hopefully, some will think the opposite. Most won't care. Me? I'm looking forward to it, which is the best part.

Stoned Review: Taking a Shower

Taking a shower stoned really depends on the upbringing of the person doing the taking. I could say showering, but when you're stoned- it just feels more like you're taking it. Like it was happening, and you happen to be there to take it. Now, if you are a get it-get out-I'm filthy type person, then this post is not for you. I imagine those people showering stoned have a tendency to either scrub too hard or rinse too arbitrarily, they're in it for the experience. The demographic I'm reaching for is the slow burners, the ones who actually understood what I meant by that 'take a shower' spiel. Taking a shower stoned lets these people experience what its like if the top of your head was a waterfall and you can control the stream by playing with your bangs. When shampooing, it adds a new layer to staring at your hands- so many bubbles- do these bubbles pop- when I squeeze I make more bubbles- where can these bubbles hide for safety-I am the last relic of the bubble life stream- I am here for a reason- I am here to protect these bubbles. Also, bending over stoned in the shower is a feeling equal to what I guess weightlessness in space for the first time feels like. There are much darker stages of stoned showering to go through, which mainly involves anger towards the water, and the constant denial of one's self satisfaction. I don't pee in the shower, but I bet there are some demons behind that yellow stream. Demons being freed from a shackle of tyranny of being told where to pee. There was another aspect to tell, but I was stoned and I completely forgot it. Maybe it had to do with singing or drying off? I dunno. I couldn't take notes, I was in the shower. My hair is still kind of wet as I type this though. If that comforts you. If it comforts you to know the time frame from shower to blog post. Overall, I must say I like brushing my teeth better stoned, mainly because I have an electric toothbrush and more mainly because I am ashamed of my naked body. Wet pep talks are depressing.

I Could if I Wanted To

12 pats on 6 backs

The first image on Google images, therefore I explained it

Narcissism. An example of narcissism is saying a one word sentence to start your blog entry like you are all hot and no shot. Another is using the guise of narcissism to talk about your own blog. You see, narcissism has now led me to take things more seriously with this blog, which basically means spell checking and trying to make sense for you, the reader. Now narcissism can be used for evil, ie Lex Lugar's first character in the WWE (WWForever) who was called the Narcissist and was featured in the Royal Rumble game for Sega. He also claimed to have had a metal bar in his arm and had to cover it up because it was considered a foreign object (the epilogue here is that he went on to body slam Yokozuna with patriotism and knocked him out at Summer Slam- wrestling, right?)- but as Mr. T taught us to use our narcissistic ways in a more focused way: to look good, to know our roots, to love out mother, and to use it appropriately when challenged by others to destroy them. Mr. T fails to realize that you should be doing things to benefit others rather than just where gold chains in front of them. Am I too hard on T? No, because my narcissism lies in only getting this blog entry out of the way. Therefore no pity, no fool. I hope we cleared things up. I also hoped we framed it, and put a copper based heating system around it with signs warning not to touch. That's the dream.

look a picture of an avatar

Welcome to Old News. Read to see if relevant!

You have to review things sometimes. Like when pitchfork reviews hip hop albums because they find something viable about the art form regardless of which character they were on Degrassi. Do we do it to bring in readers? Do we do it to give the audience a common interest easy enough to relate to? Do we even consider ourselves a we? Does James Cameron believe in Haiti relief? No, we review cross cultural magnets to show you which culture we are in, and then to trick you into thinking you are part of that culture. Was I stoned when I saw Avatar? Should I not have been? The answer there is you shouldn't care. We have all been exposed to Avatar reviews by now, by friends, by overheard conversations, by jokes by friends who care about joking to convey their message, by being alive in 2010. So- story bad, visual good. But I'll give you a specific- when the Blue People show emotion when they get attacked at first (spoiler? this is a month after a billion dollar movie came out and you care about the spoiler? Also, sorry I said blue people) is a hilarious bit of over-trying with your technology to show something off putting and awkward. Avatar might make the Oscars suck this year, but since when do you care about the Oscars. You never heard of Colin Firth until last week on Conan. Who am I attacking? Who's side am I on? This is a review judging the review about judging the selection of a review with undertones of Avatar and my struggling with how to end this review. Right here? Right now.

Exercises in Noticing

I can't talk about this. This is just a gift handed down to us. They asked themselves, "How Do We Make Our Commercial Better?" and the best answer they came up with is doing the same exact thing down to character details and maneuvers. Very brave choice. Honestly, it's a level of genius only geese may be able to comprehend. I said geese because I owe them one. Anyway, enjoy.

YouTube Doubler

Here's one more, but you have to play with it to sync it up:
http://www.youtubedoubler.com/?video1=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DN8dGsH-yBjI&start1=2&x=85&y=32&video2=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DIO91OorjKBk&start2=&authorName=Caleb

Patricia Richardson- the only reason to watch Home Improvement

The coy look, the wrench held at an angle, or the button up blouse? Personally her neckline intrigues me.

It's easy to hate. Hate is a lazy way of thinking. It sure does save time though. Because some things are just asking to be hated. Where I land with this hatred: Home Improvement in general. Home Improvement is a sitcom based on the stand up of Tim Allen. The stand up of Tim Allen is based on furthering a stereotype of men who act like Tim Allen. The sitcom saw Tim as a tool show host. This premise was deemed interesting because no had done it before. Now, let me remind you that Tim Allen isn't a strong actor, even given his own character to develop out of himself in a show that should be playing to his strengths. Instead, we see Tim playing the learns a lesson husband who hurts himself and gets advice from a neighbor who they give credit to by not showing his face. He has a sidekick who has a catchline and 3 children to spread out life lessons and wise cracks for, just to make it non repetitive. Home Improvement was a yikes of a show that lasted so long because it was basically Larry the Cable Guy but not so abrupt. Thank god for the not so abrupt, which was marvelously played by Patricia Richardson as Jill Taylor. Jill Taylor is an impossible role to play: always yelling, or wanting to further herself through education, or working a new hair cut into the show. This should've been just any other wife role, played aimlessly and lifeless, but no... but no and damnit. Patricia Richardson took Home Improvement to a higher level, where the slapstick and stupid jokes felt more slappier and stupider because they were anchored down by a realism sparked by the acting of the matriarch, the one who shows us we're to be frustrated with this world of Home Improvement. She shows us how to tolerate Tim and to somehow look past it because he's kind of funny sometimes in a drunk kind of way. She showed us how what Al meant to the family and that Wilson should be a reliable source of information. She was the parent on the show. She was the basement shelter in what is one shit storm of 90s ABC sitcoms not on Friday Nights. So, I ask of you dear reader, if ever find yourself watching Home Improvement re-runs on TBS, please feel for Jill. Watch her. She is the only adult on this show that is a real representation of a person. From her point of view, the show is tolerable. From our point of view, the show is America's Funniest Home Videos with a plot. Patricia Richardson, you earned those 4 emmy nominations. You also earned the right to be something better than Jill Taylor status. Please go out there and let your light shine.

Sports=Video

it's not about seeing, it's about believing

Stated Clear: Review of: the sentiments of Jurassic Park

The first time I saw Jurassic Park was during its initial movie run in the endless year of 1993. I was 6 going on 7, which means endless. I mean that's when you first not caring that swearing is bad. En-da-lessss. Anyway, JP was literally a monster of a movie and was the first blockbuster movie experience of my life. Terminator was too violent and, being of that age, all I had to know was that Arnold Schwarzenegger said I'll be back. But Jurassic Park was different. I wasn't the first to see the movie in my 2nd grade class, so I experienced the monster quality of the movie in: merchandising. The dino action figures were cool, and they had JP logo's on them so we couldn't accept imitation. Also, and this is insane in retrospect, for a movie with no discernible hero, the action figure of the actors were bankable items. Sure we only used them to die, but after the gold rush of Jurassic Park I still had a Jeff Goldblum in all black and a Sam Neil with adventure hate action figures. I eventually made them into wrestling managers during my wrestling phase of 8-11. But my continued digression keeps me away from really mind wrapping how huge a movie Jurassic Park was. I saw the movie for the first time at a drive in theater. It was a finally moment when I saw it, and I got to see it outside and my parents brought a cooler and I could chew loud. This was PG-13 too. So take all into account: the merchandising, dinosaurs in general, violence in general, knowing the name Steven Spielberg, a rating system I don't fall under, outside watching a movie with a cooler- this was a monumental day. But the thing I remember most of that day was realizing and understanding how big a movie can be and the overall impact a blockbuster can have. See, at the end of the credits, the drive in theater played "Walk Like a Dinosaur" over the loud speakers and invited people to come up and dance. Yes they did. "Walk Like a Dinosaur". A cheesy 80s novelty dance song. I knew, as a 6 year old, this wasn't appropriate, and I knew it was dumb. But that dumbness had an underling spirit of capitalism underneath it. Of course you're going to play "Walk like a Dinosaur", it makes things fun and it makes your audience do something. You're not here for dignity- you're here to make sure people will continue to see your movie. And how do you do that? By playing a song that has the word Dinosaur in it! Jurassic Park, something I found profound in my life, was capitalized upon and turned into a pre-teen girl walking-dance party. That's when I learned that nothing is sacred. Jurassic Park - you taught me to love the hype, but not to fear it.

Haiti Hoo

I am not beyond the whirlpool effect that is the Golden Globes. They do suck, don't get me wrong. Jeff Bridges winning for the Jeff Bridges movie I don't want to see. The continued recognition of cultural phenoma over talent. The Golden Globes have long validated the step-below super duper stars of this world who could never win an Oscar, and those who can win Oscars in their sleep, all in the name of trying to predict who will win the Oscar. Also the Emmy. Not to sell the Emmy short or anything, but John Cryer won one. Anyway the prestigious Goldy Glows validated some people last night: Drew Barrymore, who for some reason insists on trying and for some reason finally got encouraged for trying. Sandra Bullock, who is a total godammit of a win until her speech where she said she was not talented- way to call it like you see it hack face! Also Julianna Marguiles, but that was for television and I didn't even bother spell checking her name. Golden Globes also makes minor stars less minor and can lead them to continued fruition in Hollywood, a la Jennifer Garner's continued riding of the Alias wave which won a Golden Globe. So Chloe Sevigny- lets hope it works out, Simon Baker- good luck, another white guy, and Mo'Nique- I hope you puke on stage at the Oscars (that's not meant as a dig at her, she's great, I really want to see her puke is all). But the real reason we watch any award show ever is the details of showing stars watching an award show. T Bone Burnett got a Streep shout out, the Jeff Bridges shout out, and was on stage. Way to de-class a show! There was also obligatory cuts to James Cameron who never looked at the camera. Vincent Kartheiser's floppy hair/ vacation beard combo. The continued shots on Meryl Streep during her dual nominations. A shot of Jack McBrayer for no reason other than showing a happy man associated with NBC. There was a brilliant Steve Carrell mime that got lost because it was within the first minute of the show. But most importantly, there was this:

Jim Carrey was also validated by the Golden Globes because of course he was.

Present and After Presents, Genus: Musa

I wanted a picture of texture, but instead I found a whole box.

When you like banana Now and Laters, you kind of get shit on. Shit on so much that a weak willed person would no longer like banana Now and Laters out of frustration. Liking a banana Now and Later is liking only the banana Now and Later. It is a commitment. Why? Because no one likes the banana Now and Laters. That's exaggerating, but artificial banana in general has always been the Rutger Haur of artificial flavoring. I didn't spell his name right? Hauer? Ok. Rutger Hauer. I like the banana now and later, suffice to say- I like all the now and later family of flavors. They are good people. But since I like the yellow banana enough, it is my duty to eat all the banana for my friends and acquaintences. Can't slow them down! Can't slow them down with banana, no. They revel in the fruit punches and cherries of the world, while I in my unique perspective continue to dwell on banana. Dwell? NO! Its called taking one for the team. I don't mind banana, so I'll clear a path for you. A banana now and later free path (yea I just noticed I quit capitalizing now and later too). Its fine, I'll think fondly of apple. But we're friends, and I got your back. I don't want you to eat an banana now and later because you have to. Enjoy yourself. Just remember what I did for you this day. This is my legacy. Hold close, dear reader, hold close.

Friendship Benefits

I don't sit like this. I wish I did. I cross 'em.

Dot Com and Grizz. You know them. They're your family. They offer a voice of reason, sthey provide a solid consistent back drop to the delightful Tracy Jorgan (wordplay!), and you get disappointed for them and sometimes in them. Now I'm not here to provide quotes and say how much I love them because I save that for real life. No, this is just a friendly reminder to appreciate them, which you already do. Redundancy and blog-hood are like this (guess which fingers I used!). What this review aims to point its rounded edge shovel at and dig is the inter co-minglings between Grizz and Dot Com and how their friendship is what defines the 2 characters. Surface level defines them as Tracy Jordan lackeys, the entourage with hilarious specifics to their job. and they do that ably, grounding Tracy Jordan in only a way Tracy Jordan can understand. They know Tracy Jordan, and know what is best for him (ie getting him small dogs for his dog fighting experiment), but the way they ground themselves in order to deal with Tracy Jordan is by confiding in each other. They make origami for one another, go ice skating after advice from their couples therapist, and even fall in love for the same woman. They go deep together, which really grounds them. So when they do say their lines, they are met with an heir of class and dignity. Grizz being the class, Dot com providing the dignity. Short punctual jokes in which they can really say anything thus giving 30 Rock another shining example of what good comedy does- lets you in on the laugh, but not the punchline. And with Grizz and Dot Com, that punchline could come anytime- and not knowing when to laugh but knowing to laugh is the strongest thing a show can make you do. Unpredictability and refreshment, you can find that within most characters in 30 Rock, but Grizz and Dot Com's seldom use provide examples of characters to behold and to entrust in. We believe in you because we love you. Doth a sun rise, dire a sun set. Moon Beam Snow, I do not know, for thy question is bleak, and thoust picnic in a miserly sort. For now- thy blood drain through the dampest swallows. Amen.

Backlash to your Frontlash

Reviewing: the current feelings for Conan O'Brien

Reviewing a feeling is a faulty venture at best. Taking into consideration is where I gathered the upswell of such feeling, and then accurately corralling it into another review. So recognize, reflect, dissect applied to a feeling is asking yourself questions and answering them in a much deeper understanding. Kind of the same emotions you got when you parents married out of convenience, not love (who remembers that though?). Anywhoop - Facebook tells me that instead of watching a TV show, we simply are becoming fans or joining groups to show support. Where's the DIY in that? Real punk is actually watching the Tonight Show! That was sarcasm detected by me blatantly saying it. Really- everyone knows Conan deserves more than this. We also know we can't do anything about fuck, so instead of trusting the man to do what's best for him and his audience, and I do believe Conan O'Brien truly cares about his audience, the collective we are using him as our current livestrong bracelet. Its cool to support Conan, because Conan is funny- I get that, I agree with that to some extent. And that extent doesn't mean saying anything out loud. I mean- its an obvious, given fact. Conan IS funny, and IS supported because of it. I get that there is a plight and controversy going on, but those of us who continue watching without much outright activism about it don't want to hear the long applauses or how other people agree with us (we do want to see Conan talk about it though, so contradiction? NO- because its Conan talking about it). You are supposed to like Conan, you are young and smart. There is no Jay Leno support group for some reason right? One reason being you wouldn't know where to look for it. I dunno, maybe I'm looking past a valid reason to far, but this is a dumb review. I'm just enjoying the ride that is current late night television not involving George Lopez (who is crazy stupid entertaining by the way).

Sports Video Highlight

No More, Mr. Movie. No more Mr. Cle-EE-EAN

Today's high concept subject meant not to be taken seriously: Raising

I didn't think I needed a picture. It's raising. I can show you it by telling you to move hold something up. Or simply 'bring up'. Up is a key word here. And thus I established a great criticism of raising. Raising is fun and good and all. I have raised my hand to call attention in a quiet matter. I have raised the roof simply by just bending my palms back toward my shoulders and then straightening my arms towards said roof. Really a delight. I have also been the product of a raising in that I was brought up by a mother with help from a father or vice versa. Now, all these experiences were happy ones, but what if there were choices within the word raise. If raising could multi facet itself into something more than just a 'word' with a 'definition'. Where are the pioneers of raising? The ones who take down walls and put up walls with different materials, the ones that say "hey I feel like I am raising even though nothing is occurring to constitute a classic raise, but hey- feeling." Oh the tyranny brought about by the Miriams and Websters of the world. They could be reading this right now and plotting a massive campaign for raise. Oh I can picture that. "Raising Awareness helps raise awareness of how to use raise!", "Raise means what it is", "Don't change words, Change minds of people changing words". That last one is too wordy, word people. I am my own suspense, I will not corroborate within the realm of your jurisdiction--- I threw a nickel on the ground to watch it bounce and I felt I raised that nickel. You can't fight feelings. Can't.

Getting back to the subject, I think raise should be used more in pun situations. Like employee says to Boss- "i'm getting a raise?" boss says to employee- "yes, laser rays!". Honestly, I just needed to pick on a word here, and raise seemed a little too comfortable not to be pushed around. Remember- people who misuse words are arching people too.

Too New for News

"He likes to make the poster first and then work backwards from there."

Reviewing something new makes it seem more reviewable. That is a fact. How do you know that. I followed my sentence by with the another sentence stating its factuality. That is a fact. So keeping this fun and functioning fact in mind- let me tackle the open field wide receiver that is Youth in Revolt. Let's set it up- we always root for Michael Cera, who is to quirky awkward teenager what Lapso Apso is to awkward quirky dog. Who cares, he was great in Arrested Development, so you get to hang as many sliders as you want kid. And he hasn't been bad in those roles and those movies haven't been god awful, so now we give him something he can sink his indie cred teeth into. I mean look at this poster. Look at that face. We are at the pinnacle of marketing that face. It is all down hill from here in that faces marketing. Youth in Revolt is going to make him Guitar Hero or just another easy setting playing the same beginner level songs. More set up? Yea- good point. They have given Michael a modern cult novel where he has to play duel roles and take the lead in stringing together a series of misfit characters. Now the cult novel part- talking about setting up for failure. Staunch advocates of said book are probably either A- classicly say the book is better, and/or B- not see the movie. Ouch. Being a fan of the book, I saw it- so that leaves me at an A. Detail. Love the detail of Youth in Revolt, which is all but cut out because you know- movies. Regardless, Michael Cera was given a hell of a supporting cast here. The Mighty Buscemi, Fred Willard, Zach G, Jean Smart, Paul Hogan, the car from Knight Rider, 12 cases of raw sugar cane... All of whom were freakishly underused. Freakishly. Like the movie was sort of demented and scary for not using such talents more. But this is all about my fair Michael, who acts ably along the heavyweights here, putting the movie on his shoulders and even within his dual character scenes- out acts himself! Wow. So as a movie, not bad at all thanks to the story focused tempo by Miguel 'You've my attention" Arteta. So I'm not worried about Michael Cera anymore, no more complaining about him or his more success than I'll ever see even though we're the same age. He's going places. I don't know what places, because I'm fairly certain this movie won't be a huge success. It was around the C+ area, but holy fuck did the marketing kill this movie. So if you see the movie, please don't read the book or remember the preview. Also leave a trail of your hair and blood to become '1' with the places you have stepped. Ended.

Making your way in the world today takes MOST things you got

Stay with me on this one: I'm reviewing watching Cheers Randomly

Not a specific episode, (but I'll contradict that later), not 'in general', but a more in general in general. The flipping through TV when nothing is on and you see Sam Malone in tight jeans and a tie for some reason and wonder what's up with him? The review is lying more in that decision to stay tuned. Break it into digestible pieces? Why do we want to stay on this Cheersnnal (Chan-eers)? Because we were told Cheers is a great show. That is what was passed down to me as a young man, that Cheers is a more than capable sitcom full of memorable characters and it had a baby and called it Frasier. I was alive and functioning more for Frasier and saw all of its critical success- so Cheers to me (me- slender, good looking, bad looking (eye sight wise), versed in the succession of sitcom pantheon glory, and, most importantly, stoned) is a breathing in of what adults in the 80s clinged to in order to fill the special void in their life. So watching Cheers now- enjoying the temperament of Norm- feisty but anchored deep in a sadness that the alcohol is numbing (Great TV, Norm is). Getting slightly annoyed with Cliff, but his voice is so welcoming and sincere that I'm not going to fault the man (this episode he wrote a letter to a weather woman for some reason)- so good job Pixar!, and remembering Woody Harrelson was on Cheers and taking note of his performance, because- for some undaeliable (a word I made up meaning REALLY? as an adjective) he is the most successful cast member to come out of Cheers (you saw this coming Danson. you saw it and did nothing to stop it). Also- I have to point out- this was Kirstie Alley era. I prefer Shelley Long era because I'm afraid to be attracted to Kirstie Alley. Anyway- she wanted a tea room in Cheers. Now, as stated, I'm not well versed in Cheers and I am assuming everyone hates the Kirstie Alley era on Cheers, and I hope that everyone hated her character. I know enough that when I see a series replacement actor adding as something as opposite as a Tea Room to a successful show about a bar- that someone was digging through the well worn plot bin. Will it be successful? Yes because somethng happened and now Sam is mad, but they're character play and cynicism, which takes over being funny, makes everything ok in the end because its Cheers and we love it. Anything else? Oh. It is fun to see Frasier and Lilith interact. I support you Bebe Neuwirth and wish you would come back. I'll keep tuning in randomly. Usually late nights. Before Dave. I think. or in the afternoons? I dunno when its on. But I'm gonna probably not, but maybe won't turn it off right away watch out for Cheers. If only to see a good Carla episode. They should use her more? Did they use her more?

Brave Font Choices Aside

I'm not only reviewing about the 90s, I'm reviewing through the 90s.

Sometimes movies come up. Not sometimes- always. And not movies- life. And movies are one of the best parts of life, which I just bested myself and 3 sentences in. Way to start this review. Because this review is about Airheads. A movie filling the vacant lot of marketing for the early 90s metal loving teenager. And that's where the movie success lies- to me anyway- the movie attached itself to a specific brand of loner, that other loners find comfort in not being that certain brand of loner. And maybe Airheads isn't successful at that as much as I recall. But what I do recall is I was 7 when this movie came out (parenthetical pause) and associate this movie with my 7 year old best friend's oldest brother, who was 15-16, and this was his favorite movie. Think about my mind frame here. Kenny, the 15-16 year old metal head, was the coolest thing ever- he talked back to his parents and swore and he would play the opening riffs of Iron Man in his garage. Now that's a teenager ladies and gentleman. And knowing this is his favorite movie has always put this on a high shelf for me to avoid reaching.

But here I am- all reached and now holding and coddling (and fizzalting and murderballing). Let's just cut some of this meat of the bone for a second: Brendan Fraser stars. Ooo boy. I can say this is his best movie, but I feel better saying this is a movie he is in that I can watch. Brendan Fraser not your poison? Well we have Adam Sandler. I'm not going to fault him for his character. Instead I'm going to ignore it and solely focus my attention on the third starring member of the Lone Rangers (they can't pluralize that)--- Steve Buscemi. The only believable member of the band? Absotuvely. Disappears into another person that is so specific to a certain type of the overall metal head that you know a guy exactly like him, and now like that guy better because Steve Buscemi nailed his character in a movie? Always. Did he have the best line in the movie? Debatable - he chanted Rodney King for no real reason, he also said Lemmy is God, which is a great fact to believe in blindly. I'm not going to dwell on how great Steve Buscemi is because I already did, but we have a fine performance from Chris Farley, who died, and now we cherish everything he is in because he isn't in things anymore. We also have 'wish we have more' Joe Mantegna, Reg E. Kathey, and Judd Nelson. But the best scenes, the ones stolen to outshine the entire movie itself (probably- why else would I watch airheads? I'm questioning my motives now)- Michael Richards seems like he has his own movie within Airheads. Crawling through air ducts is some tough acting, and to make every inch of movement so enjoyable as only the Mike Rich can do--- its beauty. I said scenes and I did have another in mind: Michael McKean's in depth look at radio station money grubbing culminating in his character's tied down to a chair trying to open a door with his tounge and mouth acting- which if there was a youtube click I would post and there would be a million hits to. That story was recently made funnier by a friend who told me they tried to imitate McKean's door trick when they were a kid and got hit in the mouth by their mom- hilarious- and really why I even wrote about Airheads in the first place. I need a conclusion- Airheads, what you were trying to be I'm not buying- this is no great cult rock n roll, against the corporation, metal rules movie. It's a movie where people I like watching act, get to act. And that's all I ever wanted. Ever feather ferver.

Meta-sexual

I am reviewing you reading this, or me writing this. I just said that to be confusing.

Now, excuse me, RIGHT now, I am reviewing Dumb Reviews. A review site. It sits a top a featherbed of shattered glass that is the tear drops from so many underweight prize fighters in Honduras. Keep those elbows meaty, you feignly interesting sons and daughters. See? See! This is where dumb reviews loses you. I wrote that sentence in about 10 seconds without much stopping to think. I re read it and it made some sense (something made of something leading to something that trails off). But just because your purpose can be that you have no purpose, doesn't make it interesting. You gotta pull in those reigns. Make things relatable to the common man (that's you fat ass!), and only sometimes for the most part- do this for yourself.

So lets officially state some things because no one else will, and I should. It was never stated clearly before, but dumb reviews was a joke site (ztated kalearalay now?), in that reviewing a record is kind of a dumb idea these days because music is so readily available that you can just check it out for yourself. So I chose albums I knew that I knew about and that was pretty much the extent of their part. The following 'reviews' of them would be ideas I had that didn't apply to anything but themself. No correlation ever to a record. Sometimes bands with google alerts on their name would contact me, but I can't really prove that so here's the next sentence. Can you see how bored I am talking about the 'former' dumb reviews agenda? Took album, didn't write anything about it. Too high a concept for anyone to truly care about, and now its been months. Now? Yesterday I reviewed Duplicity, with some actual semblance of a review. I didn't aim for anything in particular, just conveyed my thoughts by typing on a blog. Duplicity is far from a new release, I just happened to watch it, and criticize it while I did so. So that's where this landed, I had access to post on a blog site that had review in the title, and I wrote in it yesterday and right now.

In a much more SKIP AHEAD TO HERE to get the jist of things- dumb reviews will no longer serve as a point for me to entertain myself and to see how to alienate myself from any of you. But it now just a site where something is reviewed. There. Things are out and things are open. Oh, and I'm not going to update this consistently.

Sunglasses do make you seem like you're living

This is a review of the movie duplicity, not the actual occurrence nor the actual movie poster.

And we come back with this? And we start off the comb-back like this? 2 questions, that's enough. Let's talk about this and wait for answers at twelve other points. This is Duplicity. A movie we see not because we've been clamoring for Julia Roberts to pick up her slack (her mouth is mostly slack), nor we trust in Clive Owens (we don't trust him, his name is clive, he is good, he has stubble, can't trust that, can't play 2 on 2 with that, 5 on 5 sure, 827 on 827 if only), No we see Duplicity because of Tony Gilroy and how much we love Michael Clayton. You are on the internet so you can google Tony Gilroy's body and his body of screen writing credits (Bourne Again), but this is his second "I am a man, I am a director" movie with the first one setting a bar too high. What? I love Michael Clayton. George Clooney puts movies on his back and runs around and poses with it and its awesome. I love Michael Clayton, but this isn't a Michael Clayton post. It's not even an Audio Science Clayton post (REFERENCE!). So what do I say about Duplicity- it kept my attention and it bored me in colors. Pretty standard schluck dwelved out by pretty great performances and it ends satisfyingly enough for me to remember I saw it. THATS WHAT YOU GET OUT OF A REVIEW FROM ME. I'm not here to wax intellectual on anything (yes I am) I'm just here for some sentences, some misproper palcement of some letters, and to remind myself that I am a functioning member of society. So you want a better review? Well I'm not finished, how bout that? About that: we got 2 of the greats in this one. Tommy Tubs Wilkinson and Paul G-I, g-i, Giammati. Lets start with the Wilk. Now- arguably Tom's best role was his Oscar snubbed performance as Arthur in Michael Clayton, but here ol Gilroy uses him sparingly. Uses him well, but sparingly. Tom Wilkinson is so adept at becoming part of the movie he's in (In the Bedroom), his character so interwoven into the story (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) that you don't feel bad for not noticing him, but when you do notice him- you have to wonder why. He was noticed in Mike Clayton because, ahem, holy shit he's fucking awesome. And here, he is noticed for being a strong part providing some much needed anger in a movie that needed a lot more of it. As for Pig Vomit Paul (that's not an insult, that's endearment), though only used more slightly than TW, had the scene that stole the show. A good review would give you the back story and set it up. I'm just going to say that if you're looking for a big corporate speech full of cheesy self mocking inside jokes and too close to home crowd play - see Michael Scott when Dwight had to give his speech. But if you want a realistic version of that with more intensity- Duplicty has a scene for you. Duplicity is a stupid name for a movie, and I had to google it to see what it meant. Apparantly it's a shade of Lavender only dogs can see. Here's to a clean kitchen.