Review: Snausages Castle

"A place where the diarrhea of dreams can be churned in crystal and used to clean chandeliers and raise the stakes of what barn storming meant in the 1930s. Sure, it still means something now, but why would I care to look it up? Because I wrote about it? puh-uh-leeze." Snausages Castle has 3 basements, which make it an ideal place to scare children and store old furnaces. It is a castle only in name and birthright. I have never been there, but their website for the past 14 years has said 'Drawbridge coming soon'. They also use nothing but clorox wipes attached to different lengths of sticks to clean anything that happens to be in the castle at the time. It has no affiliation with Snausages itself, officially. However, they do have bowls in by all 2 of their working doors and snausages can be found scattered throughout the complex. There is also approximately 500 snausages buried in the yard area as the owners wanted to try and grow a garden of the snausages. The letter Q is banned from Snausages Castle. This has worked suprisingly well for them. Most chinese food delivery places will not deliver there for fear of snausage related harm and the fact that it takes 3-4 hours to navigate the lace maze surrounding the Snausages Castle. The Lace Maze has a plack (sic) upon entering that reads "this lace has never been touched by human skin, please respect this lace and don't bump, graze, or stare at too long. This is my grandmother's lace, so be cool. Alright.' Constable Greenly tried digging an underground railroad of sorts, but died of shovel related spasms and his ghost sex haunts the underground passages. He was a really lonely man. Snausages Castle isn't so much as decorated, as it has colors hanging from the ceiling. The only way to truly explain is to visit Snausages Castle. Drawbridge coming soon.