2. You cared either way that it was
3. 'Less is more' has made sense in your everyday life recently
4. It is now easier for you to recognize your own brand of lipstick
5. Your brother is your close friend
6. You agree with anything on this list
7. You have talked about drinking straight from a two liter bottle of soda to someone as means to relate to them over childhood nostalgia
8. Blackbird singing in the dead of night
9. You think chest bumps are ironic, not awesome
10. You have reached a life goal, bragged about it to someone and not noticed, then went to bed that night and realized you did, wrote a Facebook message apologizing, realized you should be proud of yourself, didn't send the message, and now treat that person poorly
11. You have broken off friendships based on the disparaging speeds at which you cross the street
12. An intimate self-care time such as cutting toe nails or putting on deodorant have become such a custom to you, that you define grace by using them as a metaphor
13. You have been to an umbrella sale
14. You have put thought into anything I said
15. You have only put thought into the one I said right before this
16. You can't help but now make a decision whether to continue with this and see where I am going or skim to the last couple
17. Then you wouldn't see this one, unless there was a specific word in this line that caught your eye.
18. You have just admitted that some words look better than others. Piccadilo looks nicer than arm.
19. it is not in your nature to be judgemental so you can't relate to this
20. then again you would've skipped down to the last couple if you were that type of person, you say to yourself in a more complimentary voice than what it really is, but you'll work on that voice and develop a character you bring out to your spouse or close friends
21. you did it to prove a point
22. You don't smoke pot
23. You do smoke pot
24. You contradict yourself
25. You Contradict Yourself Capitally
26. You never admit to repeating yourself
26. The only Josh you know was a popular kid in high school, everyone got a long with him though, its not like you were close or anything
28. They wouldn't give you a subscription to Maxim
29. You know what that was a reference to
30. You have had a long conversation about something very specific with a bank teller but don't admit to yourself what it was about
30. You already did that joke
30a. you didn't do that joke, but why would you?
7773992. You are just being increduloose righ' abou' gna', AM I WHOSE WITH ME RIGHT! Protection! Disclosure! A house divided shall not stand but measure itself in its divisions and supply power accordingly! We shall fold, we shall hooge, we shall take our veins out and use them as lasso to take down the bulls heads and loose ottomans and plastic replica antique paint can lids falling from shelves in the sky hidden by clouds which were in turn tufts of 2 different gods rendezvous in a cosmic truck stop where the soap was pure energy and the stalls were scibbled with math equations that in this universal understanding of life served as jokes, the standard equivalent of the chicken crossing the road was 2+2=4, the Tonight Show monologue that night was 87+18, he latered minused 24, and somehow people were impressed by that.
35. you know this is actually 34
36. now you know that this is actually 35
37. you don't care otherwise
39. There is room in your socks.
38. I lost you awhile ago, so if you came back looking to this point because you saw some short reasons, followed by this long reason, you might be smart enough to figure it out, but try as I might, I really am phoning it in by now, so you might as well click off the page- I was being honest.
39. Letterman reference
26. You never admit to repeating yourself
41. Now more than ever, you pay attention when you shower
42. You Have Had a Favorite Song now for an entire week
43. RL Stine reference
44. You think the Freelance Whales are making 'real' music
45. You thought that way about Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
46. You think that way about Yo Gabba Gabba now
47. You wanted some big ending, something to justify anything at all why you spent any amount of time reading anything I would say or droop. But we are just different, me and you. I am the actual one who had time to write this and what do you think I think about you thinking about this? Do you think I think that you think I waste my time doing nothing? That's as much thought as I put into is is realizing that you do think about it, but I don't care what to think of thinking. I don't think God actually spoke about hating gays. To turn that into a joke: He probably meant gaze, and wanted people not to stare off into space while holding conversation. But seriously, we have opinions and we are people with access to information, so we can agree and we can disagree. It is nothing personal, and if you take the time to, you just might find out something about yourself. I'm Wynona Funnel, I'll see you next time.
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