Apr 23, 2010

Review: Mama Bear from Goldilocks and the 3 Bears

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Mama Bear, I am glad you like cold porridge. Such cold porridge. You are a definite yang to a man bear's ying. Your dedication to the opposite of your husband has produced one 'just right' baby bear. And kudos for not calling him a cub. He is much more than a cub. He earned the right to be named baby mostly thanks to his ability to recognize when someone is in his bed. Also- I too enjoy a soft bad. Too soft? What is that? Things can't be too soft unless you are a horrible person who breaks into houses. But as a mother and a wife, you have to talk good sense to your rugged husband. He is too proud to buy a lock for his door. I get it that he has evolved faster than the other bears in that he can build a house and also trained you to such human things as make porridge and hats with ear holes in them. I know you Mama Bear, I know that you cannot conceive other children, and the one you have is your 'miracle' child. But you represent something- you represent another extreme, the opposite of something else that when balanced between the 2 should be able to please anyone. That anyone was a blonde girl. Were you put off in finding such a young tart in your child's bed? In a non-sexual way yes you were. As a woman of the household- your job is to nag and nag until things are decidedly better for you. As a bear however, your place is to stay in the woods and use this experience as a means to hate man. You are not the leader, you are not the cute one. You are simply the other. Get shit done mama bear.

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