Reviews: Sawing a Dog in Half

There are very few clean ways to saw a dog in half. In fact, after love, decency, and not being retarded, huge messes are a popular reason given for not sawing a dog in half. But we have to be adults about this and just have to admit to ourselves that some things are just inevitable and a dog could be needed to saw in half and you can be the person to saw that dog. In half.

Here are a few helpful tips when sawing a dog in half:

1) Accept the situation and just have fun with it!

2) Make sure it's alive. You know that saying about beating a dead horse? Well, it's like that. Plus listening to the sounds it whimpers and cries out is all the oil your sawing machine (your arm) needs to "motivate" through that dog.

3) Make sure you and people around you are properly dressed. Who wants errant dog fur on their clothes? Or dog blood. Or dog bone. Or dog organ. Or dog face tissue. Or dog unknown thick black substance that smells like diarrhea'd in toner.

4) Think of how proud you are to be a human who is capable of reaching a decision such as to saw a dog in half. This not only makes the act seem less disgusting, abnormal, and wrong, but also helps you appreciate your thumbs more.

5) Reflect on the decisions you have made in life that have led you to cut a dog in half. Was this unavoidable? If Suzy Derricks would have said yes and went with you to the Hillford Grove Fall Harvest Box Social in the 6th grade, would that have made a difference? Is killing addicting? Is addiction so wrong? Is this my dog? How proud of myself should I be right now? Sawing a dog in half is going to be one of the most personal moments of your life, only you know what you'll be thinking. So think smart- think reflexive- and pushing down beneath the chin and groin area with the palm of each hand while the dog lays on its back horizontally across your knee is the best great way to soften the spine.