Review: Older Women with Long Gray Hair

As a person who knows everything because knowing you know nothing means learning that you've learned enough (FIND DEFAULT IN THAT REASONING), I am pretty much an expert on woman entering their 50s-60s despite my handicap of being a young male and of not caring. So my worldview stands to reason, that older women with long hair is... just... creepy. In a calm way. In a calm sexual way. In a calm-sexual-what-are-you-trying-to-prove-way.

Now the exception to the rule is Hollywood celebrities and other people who are attractive enough (re: not gray haired) and rich enough to keep with the uptake of the youthful, flowly, I'm every women- look. The rule without the exception is: why do you think that looks good? It might look good to you, which is great for you, but I feel you need to explain it to me. There is getting old gracefully- and there's getting old like a mother fucker. So in light of me and my confusing in your face prose, here's a list:

-Long gray distinguishes witches.
-Long gray hair looks like it'd get stained if you spill something on it.
-Long gray hair contradicts itself in its youthful, elderly appearence.
-Long gray hair looks like a place a night animal would sleep.
-Long gray hair really sticks it to older bald men (a postive!)
-Gray is not a complimentary color to the face.
-Women don't need to be 'eccentric', they have boobs (note: breast cancer patients- do whatever you want, I'm not starting up with you ever again)
-I don't need any more reminders about Joan Baez
-There are better ways to show you're liberal
-Frame your face, use style.... just having your hair long is kind of bland at your age. If you're a book store owner, have been described as granola, own a baggy shirt that is purple, have made something you are wearing, if you use the word 'sycamore' regularly, have talked about birds to an audience, have more than 6 candles within sight right now, and talk openly about your vagina- chances are I'm talking about you.

Chances are you'll never read this blog. So I don't feel bad at all for saying anything I've said at all. Or will say. Or am saying now. I am put off by you, long haired older women. It's not that you're ugly (it kind of is), it's that you could look better (which really wouldn't change much in your life, you're uterus is still 80% dust). If you feel better with long hair, like a rebel or that you have a youthful spirit about yourself- cool. Think that about yourself. Just to let you know- I'm allowed to make fun of decisions. And I am making fun of you.