Wrong vs Right: The Road to Victory

When is wrong right and how is that right right? Right?

-I am posting this video because this innocent teenage girl has a dream to be an actress but doesn't have the necessary talent or knowledge of how auditions work to ever, ever achieve that goal.

-Me posting this video proves that I go on Youtube to dig up human's failing.

-They did post this video on Youtube. They did choose Disney Channel Stars to emulate. They did do 3 auditions in under a minute and thought it good enough to post to the public so assholes like me can use it in a semi meta, jaded blog post.

-Getting a large Blizzard at Dairy Queen has the most value, but I can never finish it.

-Idiots on the internet exist in bunches. For matters: this post can be interpreted as idiotic and can be broken down into its working parts and criticized.

-This post is killing dreams. Who am I to say 'EntrancingEmily' will never make it? Maybe this is a voice over reel for a cartoon re-enactment of a parody where the message is of the deteriorating responsibilities of role models is a major concern for today's parents? In that case she nailed it and I am the fool.

-This was posted Aug. 15, 2009--- I'm sure she's into something new by now so nothing I say matters

My Fan Letter from Age 7 to Tom from Tom and Jerry

Dear Tom,

What do you eat? I am beginning to think you have never eaten. Sometimes I see you actually put Jerry (or a bird friend) in your mouth and you don't chew? I don't think you really want to eat Jerry, and this cartoon thing is a load of bullshit. I mean if a mouse inflicted as much pain on me as Jerry has done to you, and I had teeth and claws and reflexes and nine lives and other cat things like you- I MEAN HE WAS IN YOUR MOUTH! I saw it just now.

I am writing to you because I think you can win this thing. Sure Jerry has some charisma, but I believe that this will ultimately be his undoing. There are many instances where you've been able to kill Jerry- like when you presented him as a ring to a girl cat, or you used him as a golf ball. Both these times he was helpless, and you've got a distinct size advantage.

End this charade, Tom. Jerry doesn't pose much of a threat. It's you. Take your time, stay positive, and remember- his heart is about 1 centimeter big and wouldn't be that hard to rupture.

your fan in christian love,

Caleb

PS where is your penis?

Behind the Wall of Diapers

Behind the wall of Diapers exists a happier me.

Behind the wall of Diapers no one can see me nourish dead legs into specialty canes. The salts eating tissue to the bone. The hunger of my stomach chiseling the muscle. The baby on the diaper package beckoning me on with a plastic fire in his mulatto eyes. You can't judge me, you're the only one keeping me safe. I am afraid of you. I am apart of you. Life is a bicycle on a graham cracker road. Boogers=Milk. Behind the wall of Diapers.

Behind the Wall of Diapers a song has sung its song when singing has sang its sanction. The diatribe of pitter patter. The pitter patter of little teeth. The secret of stacking raisins is to pull back the skin. The secret to pulling back skin is to feel nothing. Scabs are the looking glass behind the Wall of Diapers. Forced excretion is the floor wax behind the Wall of Diapers.

Behind the Wall of Diapers, I do not know my name. I do not share a commonality with the most coopertively breeds of dog. I do not like my ice shake or stirred or even served to me. I am an oven I am creator I am channeling. Behind the Wall of Diapers.

Space Sitcoms

The Fresh Prince of No Air

Step Binary Step

8 Complicated Rules

Acc-orbiting to Jim

Fraxyzier

Father Novas Best

How I Met Universe Mother

Wel-comet Back Space Kotter

Hangin' with Satellite Cooper

I Asteroid Lucy

Clarissa Eclipses It All

Be-parsec-ker

Saved by the Occultation

'Lopes

Antelopes

Cantaloupes

Can't Elopes

Ex Phillie Davey Lopes

Left Eye Lopes

Mountain sLopes

Patron Saint of The Way Rhubarb Is Spelt

Rhobert Rhobinson (born 1488, martyred 1520) is one of the most averaged sized saints. In fact, if you add all the saints heights together then divide by that number- you'd get exactly Rhobinson's height. More impressive is the way Rhobert stole the discovery of rhubard from a small village in Greece after sleeping with the town leader's wife and then leaving a pillow under the covers to act as his body while he made his getaway. Indeed, Rhobert tried to force his R folled by silent h among many a word, but word like Rhoot and Rhinse already existed. Rhurbarb did stick though, and Rhobinson became a folk hero to those who listened to him tell them that he was indeed a folk hero. His death came whence he was crucified underwater by upstart Roman radicals trying to make a name for themselves. Rhobinson was trying to implement the still far out notion of the double 'rh' in words like barhrhel.

Ugly Children

The criteria a child must reach to be considered ugly:

- Older than 5

- While playing sports, he or she ain't got no alibi

Refreshed

Ahhhh... bella. Molto Bella. Lei Molto Bella. Donde esta es un parakeet? Parakeet si ninja. Volvo esta mi vuelva. No tonces. Espargo june capitan Sizemore. Langosta jueve vino salamat po.


That was too refreshd, I apologize. That was beyond languages it was so refreshed. That was like mixing sprite with sierra mist and waterfall water from an ancient hidden waterfall refreshed. That was so refreshed that re- may not even apply to it because it was so fresh the first time. Let's just say that this second freshening trumps most other original freshes. Like- how was Will Smith the fresh prince? I get that its slang, but why apply fresh to princedom? Is it that he was redefining what it means to be a prince because his uncle was so rich and he was so from Philly? I remember Celebrity Death Match referee Mills Lane saying that was his favorite show about 10 years after it was still on air. If it's not on air, than it's by definition not fresh. So in reruns, the fresh prince of bel-air is refreshed. That makes sense to me.

In conclusion. You can be too refreshed. If that happens you should just think about something very grounded. Like Will Smith's easy-on-the-eyes blackness. Let's all thank Will Smith for teaching his kids to remake 80s movies and to have songs that involve dance moves and to generally be pretty shitty.

Resting

Your 2010-2011 Toronto Raptors

Winning for all its sheen and Sheen is still only a part of basketball. Granted its a huge part that people look at/remember/judge you by--- but winning is simply an aspect of the game.

Fun is also an aspect of the game. Fun is the most fun part of the game. A lot of us won't remember this season's sub .500 lottery teams, but that's where a lot of the fun of the NBA existed.

Case in point- The Toronto Raptors.

Former #1 overall pick having a legit scoring season, sophmore highlight dunker developing an overall game, a top 5 assist-to-turnover ratio, rookie earning playing time through defense and rebounding, seeing that Jerryd Bayless potential I've been hearing so much about, Leandro Barbosa's shot selection, Sonny Weems' name being spoken, learning nothing about Alexis Ajinca, Amir Johnson and James Johnson not capitalizing on opportunities.... intrigue, drama, forgetting what Jay Triano looks like, forgetting that Jay Triano coaches the Raptors, remembering how good a coach Sam Mitchell was, remembering how good Sam Mitchell was in NBA Live '97, Hey Linas Kleiza can light it up, Hey Linas Kleiza did light it up:

I loved these Toronto Raptors not out of spite or jest or some ironic sadomasochism. I love them because I liked to watch them play offense, and people play offense against them. I just love watching basketball. The Toronto Raptors were watchable this year. That's positive. That's something. The Toronto Raptors, beyond a shadow of a doubt, something.

Micky Dolenz's Breath

What I imagine Micky Dolenz's breath to smell like:

The paper wrapped around crayons after those crayons were used by a stadium full of 2nd graders in a mass coloring speed contest on an August midday with the water turned off due to the previous night's animal monster truck rally and demolition derby where a bunch of jungle animals drove cars into each other. The pipes were clogged because mostly the animals are subdued to extreme laziness and the animal trainers kept flushing the mixed shit of obese gorillas, sickly giraffes, and sleep deprived tasmanian devils. 1 of the pipes burst spewing scalding hot water onto the chinese/black custodian who constaly eats pickled ginger, burning his flesh and pickled ginger.

All of this with a faint, but noticeable (presumably from guilt) odor of bananas. Hey, hey He's a Monkee!

Panda Bear - Tom Boy

Dear Reader Who Has Gotten Here Looking For A Free Download Of Tomboy by Panda Bear,

I wish I knew your name. I do respect you. As you can see I capitalized all the first letters in the title which I addressed you. I just want to come out and say it: there is no download here.

You likely got here through googling a combination of the following words: Panda Bear Tomboy Blogspot. Maybe you added in the words of your preferred download site such as mediafire, zshare, filesonic, fileserve, filestube, megaupload, hotfile, rapidshare, depositfiles, uploading, furk, goldfile, enterupload, badongo, oron, turbobit, letitbit, extrabit, gigasize or duckload. Hell, those chance are now increased since I added those names in this post. It's all searchable. Can I ask- did you prefer zip or rar files? You don't have to answer that, you can play bejeweled to get a free iPad. You might be naked. Pictures of Emma Watson are on the internet too. Oh goodness- now I mentioned PLAY BEJEWELED FREE IPAD NAKED PICTURES OF EMMA WATSON. Sorry, I really didn't mean to trick you. I am so filled with GLEE that I just wanted to OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE on my BEST 20 MINUTE GOURMET MEALS FOR UNDER 20 DOLLARS.

Sincerely CHARLIE SHEEN,

REBECCA BLACK FRIDAY REMIX LOL

How to Pretend You're in Stone Temple Pilots

1. Write STP in permanent marker on something/anything you own.

2. When someone notices and asks what it stands for, reply "What does what stand for? Oh yeah, that? Well, I was in Stone Temple Pilots"

3. Say you wrote any other Stone Temple Pilots song other than the one that goes "And I Feel It"

Bros Love The Crucible

Origin Story

Man has 2 hoses for home use. He labels the green garden 30 foot hose 'A', while the hose he got as a house warming present from his father's girlfriend's brother 'B'.

A: "Listen, I know it's been tough between us, what with me being used way more than you. But you knew the time would come when one of us would be curled around in a loop on an outdoor rack. It's been great spending time with you on the floor of the shed, and I hope we can remain friends?"

B: "No way, Hose A."

I'm in this band: Florence and The Machine

And I'm not Florence.

If you google 'florence and the machine anyone but florence' you still get this:




Similar results for-
florence and the machine the machine

florence and the machine musicians behind

Florence and the Machine background

florence and the machine without florence

florence and the machine pictures of the god damn band