Anthony Bourdain Poses

"Yes Anthony, yes yes! Hold it there. That's a perfect balance of smiling/not smiling. You should really trademark that. Now just curl your fingers for me. Is your hand touching your face?... Well then rest your jaw slightly on the brim of your hand... slighter... little less slight than that... brimmer...BRIMMER.... good (TAKES PICTURE). Your eyes could be a little more piercing, but I think we got it.... Whats that? Your earring? I didn't even realize you had one. Yeah I can see it fine, but it honestly looks like a fish vagina.. tiny little shiny slit."

"Ok, Anthony.... Sorry.... Tony B- can you hold the chop sticks higher? Mmmkay. Angle it up- food in the air- there ya go. Down a smidge, down, down, doooown. UP! Right there. (TAKES PICTURE) Oh wow got some good light on those chop sticks Tony B... Whats that?.... No your chin isn't visible... Well I can take another picture.... Really? OK... You can't really make out what the food is, no... I agree, knowing what the food is distracts how piercing your eyes are... Oh- its visible but barely, just liked you asked."

"ANTHONY BOURDAIN!! Hey, HEY! (TAKES PICTURE)..... Sorry Mr. Boudain, I just wanted a picture for my website.... No I can't see your earring in it... Well alright then! Thank You!"

New Slang: Lots-O-Hugging

Lots-O-Hugging: Verb: Rape. In reference to 2 films of actor Ned Beatty, as he was the voice of Lots-O-Hugging Bear in Toy Story 3 and cinema's, arguably, most famous rape victim, Bobby Trippe in Deliverance. The convenience of irony being that Beatty being raped in Deliverance and then voicing a cartoon character who is stuffed and has 'hugging' in his name.

"Carol isn't the same since she and her sister were Lots-O-Hugged"

"At least Carol is just a Lots-O-Hugging victim, and not a murder victim like her husband"

"I sometimes get the urge to Lots-O-Hug, but I control it"

Review: Eagles

The eagle's popularity lies in its ability to be photographed and the ability of that photograph to be transferred into different mediums.

Wall Calendars, Chest and Arm Tattoos, Backgrounds of Credit Cards, Ironic T-Shirt, Un-Ironic Ed Hardy T-shirts, Lighters, Handlebars and Other Motorcycle Accesories, Political Cartoons, Surface Area, Bullet Box Containers, Coffins, Eagle Food, Toilet Seats, Saw Handles, etc.

They all use the eagle for it invokes a majestic aesthetic, flight/freedom, freedom/flight, free flights, killing things that are smaller than you and getting away with it (power), killing things that are different than you and getting away with it (absolute power), and killing things with your bare hands (patriotism).

I like to picture eagles taking the place of dogs in that famous poker painting. I also like to picture them wearing turbans while being hanged by the American government.

For me, the eagle is more than the symbol for America. It's a bird with its own distinct features, breeds, and DNA.

To show you how much Eagles mean to me, here is Carly singing at Eagle Fest '09:

What I Thought These Kids Thought Process was When Putting This Video on Youtube

Imagine having a white board in your play room.

You can write anything on it

Friend comes over.

He 's so cool. owns a usc jersey.

He writes 'boogertown' on your white board.

You laugh so hard that you make a movie about boogertown and concentrate on a bank, because not only does it function as a place in the town where action can happen but it sounds funny with boogertown.

You lose interest while the kid whose idea it was in the first place is really into it.

However when you re-watch the video for the first time you laugh and laugh again because of the combination of group laughter at the novelty of seeing yourself AND you didn't pay attention during the actual filming and now find yourself sincerely laughing at the things you and your friends said. This is great momentum for you to not view it again until it is already up on Youtube. At this point you're probably still impressed by the novelty of now being on Youtube because you're a kid and kids have only so many years of education and self-reflection.

You search for yourself in Youtube, and find that searching for boogertown, your hilarious inspirational word, is buried beneath in the search results by someone else....

Well to you, sweet children, I saw your video. I, too, know that the word Boogertown deserves more than a country jamboree string band. It deserves the inane, somewhat lazy production you provide. Brava, plutoeyes1, bra-vvvvvvvaa.

Fake Surfing

A human impulse that exists: while balancing on something that we know we have a strong footing on, we all have the urge to fake surf.

Be it on ROCK:

(Also here, because smart people disallow embedding)

Be it on Ocean:

Be it Rug Ocean:

Be it by request on a friend because you have a pseudo-show on Youtube:

Be it because you are hilarious:

Be it because you are wasting my time by pretty much mis-title-ing your Youtube video:

Or because you are the best example of all these combined including not being imbeddable...

You are gonna think you know how to surf.

You can see people pull their knowledge from surfing from simply knowing a beach boy's song.

Real fake surfers? We pull our fake knowledge from remembering The Donnas did the theme song to MTV's Surf Girls.

Whose God Killed Osama Bin Laden?

Many people have thanked their god for the American raid and subsequent killing of Osama bin Laden. Those many people have different religious beliefs and are, therefore, thanking multiple gods. So which god killed Osama? Let's take a look:

-Southern Baptist? Likely. America really wanted Osama to die regardless of any thinking or reasoning. No thinking or reasoning are traits of Southern Baptists.

-Catholic? Probably not. So far no guilt has been associated with Osama's death.

-Non-denominational Christian? Their god will never tell if he did. He'll accept the credit though.

-Jewish? If we start making money off of the death, then yeah.

-7th Day Adventist? If it was their god, no one would care and this whole death thing would be for not. So hopefully it was their god.

-Muslim? Wanted a new image perhaps?

-Transformers? The high cost of the raid and killing speaks to the Transformer god.

-Neptune, god of the sea? The sea is mysterious, no one knows its intentions. I wouldn't be surprised.

In conclusion, there probably was no god involved. It was a Sunday and gods usually catch up on their emails that day.