Review: Salad Tongs

Salad Tongs, you ridiculous bastard. Let's get one thing straight: you only slightly make it easier to grab salad. Maybe about two easier on a 1-10 scale that exists to judge the helpfulness of appliances. I mean I get it. We all get it. Squeezing. Super easy and fun to do. Tongs are great for picking most food up, but why is Salad the most popular type of Tong. Again, no one is dismissing tongs in general. Just specifically Salad ones. In fact, regular tongs do a much better job of getting salad than these pretty boy Salad Tongs.

They come in pretty vain designs to. Clear plastic? What is that supposed to make me feel better? Wooden? That's just admitting that the food you're tonging is for pussies. In terms of your variety- you suck. There's the ones that are just regular tongs and shouldn't have the word salad anywhere near them and you have the ones are 2 pieces that connect to make a shitty scissor of spoon and fork. That's just a stupid idea for a utensil that they just called a salad tong because they couldn't think of any other name that is appropriately as lame. Being called a salad tong is insulting, and you take it on the chin up your ass. Your inner-ass chin, salad tong.

It's not that I hate you (it=this post, I do hate outside of this post), this is just the most I ever thought of you, and this was the result. You can't change who you are, you're an object. That's why boobs make me respect women less and dicks make me laugh- objects. Now go, get on out of here, find someone who'll love you for whatever you are. Go on, Salad Tongs, git!