TV Mustache Week: Ron Mother Fuckin' Swanson

There's not much to say here. There is just reverence in the glory and the majesty of a man glorified by self-discipline, masonry, and a pyramid of other great things.

It's TV mustache week, and I'd be remiss to talk about the (if not the most) prolific mustache of recent tv. The Swanson mustache is intimidating, thorough, and necessary. It is both a stop sign and a proceed with caution sign. It encapsulates the confidence, grit, and essence of Ron Swanson.

Mustaches are inherently creepy/ dad-ish/ something-to-judge-someone-by. DUH: having a mustache is saying you have a mustache. Ron is a reasonable man. Nothing says reasonable like growing hair on your face with pride. Other characters we discussed this week (Officer Jay, Mike Watt) have mustaches as more affectation, where it highlights their serener side. Not saying Ron can't show emotion (not counting anger, Ron's relationship with Leslie is that of her earning his trust and him responding well to her work ethic and attitude). Ron Swanson is more brute, and his mustache is less affectation and more 'calling card'. It's a mustache that let's you know what you're in for. Be wary of the man who has grown this. Ron is the apex of the goofy cartoon character with a mustache (My Name is Earl) and the too serious to be nothing more than a mustache (Magnum PI). A fully realized character that every word he speaks and step he walks only adds to his legend.

Not only is Ron pioneering new grounds for TV character's to have mustaches, he is also stating those rules (via Pyramid):

"Facial Hair: full, thick, and square. Nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it, that probably means you can't grow it.

TV Mustache Week: The Sarah Silverman Program's Officer Jay McPherson

The Sarah Silverman revolves accordingly around Sarah Silverman, giving her all the wacky and leaving the basis of reality to her co-stars.... none more than her sister Laura and Laura's boyfriend Officer Jay McPherson. Jay acts the part as foil to the boisterously crass and unapologetically juvenile Sarah. Jay and Sarah's relationship is like that of another mustachioed TV icon, Ned Flanders to neighbor Homer Simpson.

Jay's 'aww shucks' vibe is a perfect contrast to Sarah. Sometimes indulging her (laughing at a joke at her 9/11 tribute) and mostly listening to Laura, Jay is responsible and is reasonably angry- which makes Sarah's shenanigans that much more devious and off-putting.

He's an aficionado of 'gentle-comedy' and a classic small town cop. He's the type of guy to say things like hootenanny and "Listen, I don't know who put a nickel in you, but it's time to make change! " and really mean them. This leads me to believe that his mustache is genuine, that without that mustache- he would lose some of his happy demeanor.

His mustache makes him 'Officer Jay' the friendly officer who speaks at schools, helps people, and puts up with a person who constantly insults him and kills his turtle. He would still be those things without the mustache, but it'd be creepier, like a more rogue cop who is friendly. Jay's mustache represents comfortability and control, two strong factors Jay himself brings to the show.

Also- Jay Johnston is legend. Mr. Show, Moral Orel, and this turn here on The Sarah SIlverman Program.

TV Mustache Week: Spaced's Mike Watt

Great mustaches on TV are mustaches that don't undermine the character, but are subtle portrayals of confidence of a character. They don't distract, they enhance.

Mike Watt is a very big leap of a character. He's always seen in military fatigues, and always on military time. Mike's a military character, so even in that realm the mustache makes sense. The mustache is part of his uniform of himself. But Mike's uniform is merely the hard outer casing, as we see Mike as a sensitive, Tim-loving failure who revels in his obsession.

Mike is cartoony enough to have stolen a tank and taken it to Euro Disney and to hold hands with his best friend Tim, but also serious enough to rise to the rank of Sergeant in the Territorial Army, and when Tim and roommate Sophie's relationship grows together- Mike feels hurt.

Mike Watt's mustache represents a facade, while that facade encapsulates who Mike is. Spaced is a show about somewhat contemptible slacker types, Tim and Sophie, dealing with their life and their relationship. The characters around them (a struggling painter, a fashionista working as a dry cleaner, a lonely landlord, and a military nutjob) are shown as lovable and/or sources of humor. It's not that we relate to Mike, it's that we care about Mike and accept him as that guy who always has gun's on him. And of course, that guy has a mustache. With Spaced, and it's commitment to fast-storytelling, pop culture, and non-sequitars--- we have the perfect vehicle to get to know and understand that mustache.

Embedding disabled, but see Mike's take on the male psyche and how men relate to each other.

Review: Mustache Respect

Appropriate can be defined as 'within means of a given moral realm'. This being an age of equality and of the internet (meaning an age of easy chastising) I find the mustache to be a larf. Larf can be defined as a made up word with no real meaning but with intentions to mock probably and to be looked at dowardly definitely. I am not going to define dowardly, you can use context clues. The point here is, mustaches were past their peak before I knew what a peak was when I was a child and now they are past their ironic peak. That is in large part due to the mustache finger tattoo that makes you cool for approximately 2 seconds and of the marketing of the mustache. Blame Anchorman. I readily blame Anchorman for many things daily. Blame your dad. I shot blame all over your dad last night. I non sequitured all over you right now. No, but your dad, our dad's generation, was the generation where we started moving from the word 'father' to 'dad' and they were cool in the '70s and mustaches completely made sense in the '70s. It showed personality and women were more objects. Today people are smarter and more gay. Sure there are people still attracted to mustaches, so the mustache isn't completely dead. But for the most part, the mustache reminds us of our father. There is more to life than irony, and that is called smarter irony. Please be more specific and detailed with your irony so that no one gets it. If you gain an obscene amount of weight, wear a muumuu, a funny cap, and have catchphrases in a pseudo effeminate tone- that'd be hilarious because you are putting your life in danger. If you wear lab coats and have frizzy hair and always have a gadget of sorts you have made that doesn't work- well I'd just like that. If you play center for the Orlando Magic and really are just a force on the court and basically slam dunk the entire time while acting comical off the court, well you've been done to death.

To sum things up, you'd have to be upper echelon cool to pull off a mustache. And if you're likely reading this, you likely know no one who is.