LET'S LOOK AT THE IMDB PAGE OF!: Hey, IMDB updated?

I guess you were tired of being a mere data-base and decided to give into Hollywood marketing bull shit. I mean you had an air of 'nerds doin drab industry work'. Now you have that same feeling but with a schmeer of douchebag to your name. Whatever- like I ever visit your homepage anyway (if I did, I would find out such useful info as whats on TV, whats in theaters, and whose birthday it is- those aren't bad things to know by any means, just that you have so much more to offer than a homepage).

IMDB changed- for the better? Probably, but they've been so... so- upright all this time that a change is taking time getting used to. The key to IMDB has always been the information. Which is still there. So in order to properly talk about it, I should use an example- let's look at the IMDB page of Omarion.

1. I searched from the homepage- look at the first result I got: http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=OMARION

2. The rest of the post:

At Quick Glance We See:
His picture is blurry. The initial picture of the actor is quite larger than old IMDB, so if they didn't update the picture- they just stretched it out. It's very tacky, but still its very Omarion. The bios on IMDB are now more prevalent so now we can really know Omarion was in B2k and that B2k actually stands for something (boys of the new millenium- the B stands for boys).

The worst feature on new imdb is basically you have to scroll just a little bit more. So that just proves how lazy I am. They also have larger font, which makes me feel like an idiot for some reason. Also Omarion has 12 acting credits. I am more surprised that I had an opinion on the number of acting credits than I was surprised there weren't more acting credits.

15 Minutes into the Page:

I found out Omarion has a biography? Which you can buy NEW for 2.59, or used for one penny.

Good news is that if you click on a link to go deeper into IMDB, you get the old sidebar back! And Omarion has trademarks! If you click this link, it actually says- under TRIVIA- that he "is African-American".

The KEYWORDS for Omarian prove that again, he is black, he does many award shows, and that Character-name-in-the-title is #1 keyword for him means he does a lot of personal appearances and isn't really an actor.

People are the Best:
He's a sex object- oh. Makes sense now. So it makes sense why I know his name, because crazy fans actually generate money. Like this fan who wanted to know about Omarion's safety when they heard there was an attack in Glasgow and London. There was a terrorist attack where people surely died, and the first thing you can think of is if Omarion is safe? He wasn't even relevant then, let alone ever. I shouldn't be getting mad or whatever emotion I am conveying. He is a teen idol for a certain group in the mid 2000s. Let's look closer at one of these fans: On this thread, I found Omarion super fan ladyboose10. Most of her posts are about Omarion, and her opinion of him ranges from rage at unrelated posts to defensively misspelling to deep sentiments of "i think he is so so so so so so so fine so fine it drives me crazy". Her name is Verhonda. I'd call her Vertoyota and Verlandrover if I knew her personally.


SEE- even though IMDB has changed, I proved to myself that I can still have a good time making fun of the people who use it. Thanks me. You're the I'm the best.

Let'S LOOK AT THE IMDB PAGEs OF!: Angus VS Baby's Day Out

VS

CLICK EACH PICTURE TO TAKE YOU TO THE IMDB PAGE

A different type of IMDB page scouring this month. Taking a look at two movies at once is like killing two nearly dead birds with a semi-visable stone. Why these two movies from the mid-90s? They have the same director! Patrick Read Johnson, besides having a middle surname that is a popular activity to encourage children to do, has directed 6 movies, 2 you are reading about, 3 that know one will ever care about, and his first movie was the great movie poster of a movie of 'Spaced Invaders'. Now, his most popular movies are 1994's Baby's Day Out (which was Home Alone but Outside as a Baby), and the 1995 teen-angst comedy Angus. Both movies were benefactor's of marketing plans to under 18 demographics, so that's why I can say I have seen each movie multiple times in my youth, and once each in my adulthood.

A Quick Glance Over We See:

That John Hughes wrote Baby's Day Out. If we ever suspected John Hughes of being a stoner, this is the proof pudding we needed. Also, another first note is that this movie is altogether easy to make fun of and thereby I am setting myself up for defeat by talking about it. Angus, on some other far distant hand, has their cast listed alphabetically. Which means you have to click more, and scroll down to see who played the title character. So, Baby's Day Out wins this round. 1-0.

Let's Look at the Career's of:

There are a plenty of great actors in both these movies. Baby's Day Out has Joe Mantegna, Joey Pantoliano, and the underrated Brian Haley as the bumblers, and Lara Flynn Boyle as the Baby mom. Angus boasts two of the greatest actors of all-time, which is super weird. Oscar denier George C. Scott and Oscar winner Kathy Bates. But the ultimate match-up is between the title characters

The Baby as played by brothers Adam Robert Worton and Jacob Joseph Worton. They have no other credits to their name. Though Adam has a literal idiot being excited about seeing him act in a Spielberg remake that has never been announced. Both will turn 18 in Novemeber. Here's to getting laid from past fame, fellas! Adam is more popular because he actually has message board comments.

Angus Bethune is played by Charlie Talbert, in his first and last starring role. His bigger movies I heard of were Van Wilder (uncredited as Stomach Guy) and Art School Confidential (unnamed as Vince's Editor). He was also one of the leads in the cleverly titled 'Bachelor Party Las Vegas', alongside such luminaries as Kumar, Freshman Year Van Wilder aka pre-quel Bo Duke aka the male teen hunk in Mean Girls, Vincent Pastore, and Turk from Scrubs. It is within his trivia section where his legend is explained: "Discovered while eating in a Wendy's located at the Lake Forest, Illinois, Oasis over the Tri-State Toll Road (I-94) when he was coming back after watching a bike race at the Northbrook Velodrome with a friend. Service was lousy and Charlie started making jokes at this guy waiting for his French fries. The guy happened to be Patrick Read Johnson, who would be the director of Angus (1995). He told Charlie that, if he thought he was so funny, he should audition for his movie. Charlie did, and won the part."

So we're at a push, right? No. Angus wins for featuring before famous James Van Der Beek, that red-headed kid from American Pie that was called Sherminator (he is actually pretty awesome in Angus), and one of my favorite all time kid performances to like ironically enough to love, Ariana Richards. 1-1.

15 minutes into the page:

AWARDS: Baby's Day Out - Zero; Angus- Nominated- Best Performance by an Actress Under 10- Bethany Richards (Ariana's Little Sister). 2-1, Angus.

TRIVIA: We learn Baby's Day Out: had the score written in 3 weeks, it cost $50 million to make (right?), and Verne Troyer split stunt baby duty with a robot. Angus, we learn, could've been a much better movie but thanks to cutting out a gay dad, half the movie being cut due to a licensing agreement with TNT, and the overtly presence of Green Day (J.A.R.) the movie became much the play-by-play of any outsider in High School movie. Verne Troyer playing a baby gets it. 2-2.

People Are the Best:

Cool_Dudez11 has an urgent message: he found a scene in the special features trailer where it looks like the baby is actually getting hurt. He even makes screen grabs (they are no longer hosted). The rest of the commenter thread goes on to tell him that of course he's wrong, suprisingly through logic, and not calling him an idiot.

Ok- so Cool Dudez thinks Charles Grodin looks like Steve Martin, and loved made for television movie with a cameo by Justin Timberlake Model Behavior.

Cancerousspyguy asks the board What Kind of People like this movie? His theory is that he wasn't popular in high school, so he liked it because he could relate to it. While his popular friend didn't like it because he was so damn popular. A popular girl comments, and then cancerouspussy asks her how it feels to be popular, which makes the whole thing a giant pity party.

Oh, Cancer Spy? He started his comment career in 2007 with the Angus thread. He tried a lot in 07 but wasn't getting responses. He posted about once a year since then. His last one in 2007 was again, too personal, asking someone who called Before Sunrise a bad movie if they ever experienced anything like the movie. His 2010 post was asking if anyone was going to the Before Sunrise tour of Vienna, which one person responded to and said no.

These two snapshots of people who watch these movies provide me with my decision on who won: Angus, places a lot of emphasis on emotion and literally the best actor in the world, George C. Scott, in your movie lifts it to a higher plain. But no it didn't. Baby's Day Out is a weird movie to like, and frankly, even know it exists. Just talking about it in my blog gives me the same feeling you get when a piece of fuzz on your tounge. It immediately is weird and weirdly not gross.

Final Verdict:

I actually enjoy the beginning of Angus, where he plays football well but no one cares and he keeps breaking the popular kid's nose repeatedly. Then it coasts on being an outsider movie. What could've been good, turned to be not good. How do I know its not good? Well the director made Baby's Day Out. And hasn't gotten consistent work since then. Baby's Day Out is a weird movie because it exists. Any movie starring a baby is weird. If you actually watch the movie (don't) you can see there are ample times for the burglars to grab the baby, but instead they just talk about how they're gonna grab it. Patricks Read Johnson, you don't work for a reason.

Also, I forgot who won already.

Let'S LOOK AT THE IMDB PAGE OF!:Total Recall

Click Picture to be Taken to IMDB page

Quick Refresher:

Sandwiched between "this is a good idea" of Twins and the "this is the best idea" of Kindergarten Cop, Total Recall is the 1990 movie that established that Arnold Schwarzenegger will make us money. The plot revolved around space, the future, mutants, aliens, and Arnold not knowing who he is. The plot didn't really matter though because there was so much unnecessary violence.

A Quick Glance Over:

The top of the page offers us 5 trailers. That means they used 5 different arguments to try and get you to watch this movie. We also see that Total Recall was "inspired" by a Philip K. Dick short story. There are 2 Oscar nomination (one of which was a win) to the movie's credit. Also the director has a foriegn name. All these factors have led me to believe that this was an actual good movie of its time. Looking at the state of special effects and of Arnold himself today--- WTF?

Let's Look at the Careers of:

We all know Arnold and Sharon Stone. But there is a longer list of people who never capitalized on being in a summer blockbuster set on Mars.

Rachel Ticotin, was Melina, the love interest. She went on to play many Spanish women roles in a whole bunch of crap. Just look at her character names on IMDB- Laura Martinez, Maria Chavez, Vangie Gonzalez, Teresa Cortez, Carmen's Mom, Nancy's Masseuse. This coming from one of the 12 most promising actor's of 1981 and the mother of David Caruso's child.

Michael Ironside plays a classic Sci Fi villain. In fact he always does. In over 190 acting credits, I can't seem to find him prevalent in anything. He does get some points for being in Jo Jo Dancer Your Life is Calling and the movie McBain starring Christopher Walken that was less popular than the Simpson's character of the same name.

Mel Johnson Jr played turncoat cabbie Benny. His scenes added much needed panache and flavor to the balloon screeching lilt of Arnold's voice. Pretty big role where he got to do some chase scenes. How did he squander it? By never doing anything. His last credit was 2004 in the awesomely titled In The Shadows of the Cobra. But I did learn that in 1991 they tried a Munsters reboot which he has a credit too.

Debbie Lee Carrington played the midget prostitute I couldn't help but look up. Let's just list: munchkin, ewok, additional duck, little bigfoot, garbage pail kid, countless aliens, Mickey's girlfriend on Seinfeld, an Emporer Penguin, creature, elf, and Frankenturkey.

Money Shot! The 3 breasted woman played by Lycia Naff. Did she ever outshine the stigma of having three breasts? No! You would've heard of her. She has a daytime Emmy nom for an ABC afterschool special, hosted an infomercial with Roger Daltry, and played herself on Denise Richard's reality TV show which exists.

Ah Johnny Cab, voiced by Robert Picardo. Picardo might be the best actor of this bunch here. You should recognize him as Coach Cutlip from the Wonder Years, but he also has other stuff you've heard of but don't watch to his credit. According to IMDB he is 5'10"

15 Minutes into the page:

-Why is this gallery in black and white? (We also see that the better posters do not feature Arnold.)

-Trivia tells us the body count is 77, this originally got an X rating, I wish this was a Cronenberg film, and that the original producers went bankrupt and Arnold basically hand-picked the new ones. If this doesn't tell you that the movie is ultimately shitty, nothing will.

-Parental Guides on IMDB are pretty lame looking. But it is fun to see that 'fuck' is said 28 times.

-If you want to make your suicide go slower. I suggest reading the goofs page. This is a combination of nerdiness, know-it-all-ism, inability to suspend disbelief, and questioning why someone would pay any close attention to anything. Example: "Errors in geography: The exterior shots of Mars depicts the Martian sky as having either a dark orange or deep crimson color to it. In reality, the Martian sky is not as deeply colored, and actually a light pink or light orange color at times."

-Quick facts: There were 3 original songs on the soundtrack that no one should own; the credits say blatanly, "Play the Total Recall game by Acclaim"; In the German Version the "Johnny Cab"-Robot is making a loud belching sound instead of saying "Hell of a day, isn't it ?" This is possibly an in-joke by the dubbing studio.; the porno is called Total Reball; And this movie might actually make a decent remake.

People are THE BEST:

In the messageboards, user mikekaraoke23 is perplexed that the movie says by the difference of 1989 and 1990, not knowing whether to make this an 80s movie or a 90s movie. Despite the fact that it was released in 1990, mikekaraoke23 simply wants 1989 to have the credit because that when Total Recall was filmed, he sites his RoboCop VHS and knowledge of the film 'Ghost' as examples. Another user rationally explains to mikekaraoke23 that post-production and marketing are all part of the process, and that the film's year is when it is seen by the audience. But mikekaraoke23 thought of something, and since he thought of it, he is right and uses super specific knowledge on the film 'Ghost' to establish as much so.

Also in messageboards, fans played a game where they created a thread where everyone says 'This post was deleted because..." and I randomly found this one.

I also found a thread remarking on Sharon Stone's Sweat, with 3 creepy horny replys. I clicked on one, Gridoon, and found his movie reviews to be charming. He seems to like the psuedo-porn sci-fi genre, mixed with some Abbott and Costello slap-stick, and for some reason works involving Agatha Christie. On page 21 of his reviews, I found his love of Shannon Tweed and the hatred of movies she was in: "you don't expect a woman who made a name for herself by starring in countless soft-core erotic thrillers to be a convincing fighter, but somehow Tweed is."

Final Thoughts:

Holy Shit. Looking at this page as much as I did felt like making a brick squirt brick juice. I feel like I just backwards learned the process in which to suck out one's brain with a vacuum, which means blowing it in through my ass. Total Recall is kind of a great movie if you forget about taste and want violence and haven't seen a movie since 1990. I covered it because it kind of is a guilty pleasure, and I wondered what happened to Benny. Now, after seeing how seriously this movie took itself, and how much people actually see it as a viable film? Fucking noonan to this. I am only going to watch this movie one more time because Arnold himself does the audio commentary. His voice is funny.

LET'S LOOK AT THE IMDB PAGE OF!: Wishbone

As part of "special segment week", we have Let's Look at The IMDB Page Of!, a pretty self-explanatory title where we see what's going on with people we shouldn't care about.

CLICK THE PICTURE!

Quick Reminder:

A PBS kids show where they taught famous tale, legends, folklore, and popular literature by means of a dog imagining it, and that sentence isn't as cool as it sounds thanks to them trying to be educational. The dog was Wishbone, and he drew parallells to his owner's pre-teen problems. The owner, Joe, ONLY had a mom, 2 friends (one girl, one black), and a wacky neighbor who Wishbone would make the fool.

Glance over the IMDB page:

For seasons, it lists 1 2 and 4, and then unknown. Further prying shows there is no mention of a third season, and that Wishbone in its 3rd year simply ended the second season and started the 4th. Also, there were only 47 episodes of Wishbone and only 3 cast members- Joe, his mom, and his friend who is a girl (while the black friend only managed 45) played in them all. Wishbone's voice was only in 46 episodes and no explanation of the one episode without him is there, which is weird because he narrates each episode and is the title character to the show. 4 different dogs have gotten credit to play Wishbone, all with cute names: Soccer the dog, Bear the dog. Phoebe the dog, and Slugger the dog. The page later tells us Soccer was the star, and the rest were simply sunt dogs. So that shows us Soccer was too much of a primadonna to do his own stunts of digging up the garden or ringing the bells of Notre Dame (both of which Wishbone has done).

Let's look at the careers of:

Joe Talbot played by Jordan Wall - Moralistic teen Joe proved to be Jordan's albatross. He has only been in 3 non-Wishbone credits. They in included 'Teen' in Fact-based story about a woman's fight to get her rodeo star husband freed from a false murder conviction, and 'Straight Laced Teen' in Anarchist's Cookbook (which shows us that there is so little straigh lacedness in this movie that the straight laced characters don't even get a name). His character has a name in The President's Man: A Line in the Sand, whichs is the made for TV sequel to the made for made for TV movie The President's Man starring Chuck Norris.His short bio informs us that he won the role of Joe "after competing against some 2,300 young actors in an open casting call." Some 2,300! I also am not sure you counted! It also informs us that he played Free Safety for his High School Football Team in Texas.

Samantha 'Sam' Kepler played by Chritie Abbott - She ran with it after Wishbone, appearing in 5! credits afterward! My guess is because she is because she got hot and knows how to use photoshop. Christie is from Hawaii and modeled when she was a 3-year old.

Ellen Talbot portrayed by Mary Chris Wall - Mary Chris Wall Lady's and gentlemen, a somewhat veteran actress who had it, and kind of still has it, going on. She has appeared in on such hits as 24, Dexter, Saving Grace, Ghost Whisperer, Monk, and Corey in the House. My personal favorite credit though: UPN Blockbuster Shockwave Theater where she was the voice of Syndra. She looks a lot like Jordan Wall and they have the same last name, but there is no mention that they are related.

Larry Brantly as the voice of Wishbone - Larry continued with four other voice acting credits until he found the 2nd role of a lifetime as a bear named Boz. Boz is green and Christian. STATE REFERENCE: I, WANT, TO, BE, BOZ'S BITCH.

Adam Springfield (David Barnes (last names right?)) - Poor, ol' black friend. 2 other credits. One was JAG, the other was the Harry Hamlin vehicle Movie Stars, co-starring former cute 'n christian kid turned hottie teenage daughter Marnette Patterson- who I have discussed previously. Full circle. Oh, Harry Hamlin was in LA Law, but you should know that.

The most prevalent Wishbone, Soccer, is not the most succesful. That would happen to be Bear. Bear was also a dog named Dreyfuss across three different sitcoms: Empty Nest, Nurses, and The Golden Girls. He even has a credit as himself on Live with Regis and Kathie Lee.

The most successful person from the cast: Amy Acker, who went on to be in Angel.

Funniest Name: Chamblee Ferguson. Here's where I put together that there has been a lot of Wishbone/Walker Texas Ranger-crossover. I attribute this to both shows being filmed in Texas, and needings local extras.

Name I clicked on randomly: Jeanne Simpson, who memorably portrayed Joan of Arc, on Wishbone. Wishbone didn't play it himself as the role was for a woman and Wishbone could not simply see a woman's perspective. Jeanne is actually doing awesome appearing in 4 episodes of Mad Men and most recently Parks and Recreation.

I had to see: The guy who played Buddha- John William Galt. Not much karmic success lately. But some nice credits including the obligatory Walker T. Ranger, the voice of Lyndon Baines Johnson in both JFK and Forrest Gump, and the Warden in Problem Child.

15 Minutes into the page:

Wishbone is a unique page in that amongst its writing credits of unknown children's show writers are William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Bill Maher writer Adam Felber, and the great Mo Rocca. I recommend checking out the gallery where we see many WishboneVHS home video covers. They not only show us such hilarious pictures, but let us in on hilarious titles like: the too accurately costumed Frankenbone, the weapon-rearing Paw Prints of Thieves, and the what the fuck is going on in Hot Diggety Dawg. A listing of the full episodes gives us such magnameneous titles as: Shakespaw, The Entrepawneur, Pup Fiction, and mildly racist pun intended Roamin' Nose. Wishbone actually has won all 4 Day-Time Emmy Nominations it received- 2 for costumer designer Stephen Chudel. It also has won a Peabody Award, back-to-back Critic's Choise Awards, but lost the heralded Kid's Choice Award for Favorite Animal. Also- Wishbone has an astounding 9.4/10 rating from 377 females who have voted. If anything, if you take the time to seek out Wishbone on IMDB and vote on it, you might as well vote high.

People are the BEST:

B Head 556 uses the message board to ask about the episode that "SCARED THE SHIZ out of" him, TacosRdelicious tells him it is the HG Well's Time Machine episode, while SweeneyLovesLovett uses the forum to admit to not being able to fall asleep without the TV on. Another users uses the message board for the personal use of asking everyone "Where is Baravelli_the_ice_lad_y????" I assumed she posted this all over IMDB message boards, but found out only through Wishbone has she tryed finding someone.

The least helpful user review was from samcracc who says "There was a place called Oakdale and there was a Jack Russel Terroir named who tells the stories in his imagination from a book. Bruno Nusen's dog is a very nasty dog that messes up peoples area. It was in an episode called Hercles Unleashed when Wishbone's bone is missing. Larry Brantley has done a great job of Wishbone's voice. These are very perfect characters for every story in every episode of Wishbone. Soccer the dog, Bear the dog, Pheobe the dog, and Slugger the dog are perfect dogs for Wishbone. This show is excellent you will like this show, Oakdale, the stories, and even Wishbone the dog." Looking at the rest of his reviews, he gives a lot of 10 stars out: Family Guy ("Why does Drew Barrymore can't do new episodes anymore"), I Now Prounounce You Chuck and Larry("o Chuck and Larry went to a costume party and need to find Alex Mcdonough. Chuck was dressed as a Vampire and Larry was dressed as an Apple. So Chuck found a person in a playmate costume (Davide Spade). They found her wearing a costume of the cat."), Random Children's Shows (such as Wee Sing in the Big Rock Candy Mountain), and an episode of Mad Money with Jim Kramer. His most helpful was one where he says he loves Homer Simpson, while his least helpful review was about the Star Wars Family Guy episode. Which means Simpsons users aren't dumb enough to use IMDB as a forum. He says 'Hilarius' a lot, and my favorite review of his is one of The Girls Next Door, which he gave a 10 to and says in the title "Kendra had a big butt when she was on a motorcycle in the Playboy shoot for the calendar".

Final thoughts:

Looking at the IMDB page one last time, I still feel no strong emotion toward anything that ever went on with the show, making me feel no guilt whatsoever for making fun of people on my blog on the internet. I do however remember most of the theme song, so they beat me in that regards.