The Legacy of Oscar Snubs for Animals

Another year of Oscar nominations, another victory for humans everywhere. Did you know such great movie stars as Flipper the dolphin, Salty the Sea Lion, and The Gorilla Mist gang have never once been even considered even viable contenders for Oscars?

Well in 2010, the game is even trickier for animal actors, what with all the meaty roles being handled by computers and voice-over acting (Legend of the Guardian: Owls of Owltown) or played by humans portraying humans in movies that don't need animals (Animal Kingdom).

Still we got some fine performances that the academy has looked over... looked over is putting it too gently... that the academy doesn't care to acknowledge:

-The dog in Greenberg, whose doghouse needs served as a subtle yet powerful antagonist against Ben Stiller.

-The black swan in Black Swan- you were there for Natalie's Portmania to turn into you, but you weren't really there. I get it? I get you! Way to out shine Barbera Hershey and Jackie from the 70s.

-Little Blackie in True Grit - death scenes usually get the Academy's attention. As do scenes of great physicality, like running and running in water. You literally carried the actors in True Grit. Also the snake deserves some honorable mention.

-Rabbit Meat and squirrels- Winter's Bone- that family wouldn't have looked so poor and desperate without you.

-There was probably a lion or something in Clash of the Titans- good on you, probably.

-Sonny the dog- Due Date- the only believable character in this movie? No? Ok.

-The Vampire Bat in Twilight Eclipse-- didn't see, but if a vampire movie doesn't have a vampire bat, then what is the fucking point (other than for hormones)

Also, Piranhas from Piranha 3D-- that movie needed more Christopher Llyod. Samething with Furry Vengeance, Cats and Dogs The Revenge of Pussy Galore, Secretariet, and Wall Street 2- could've used more Christopher Lloyd. I also wish they would've had a real life bear play Yogi, that would've at least gotten a Golden Globe nom.

Review: Basing your movie on "Push" by Sapphire

Well it works don't it. I would like to see more people base their movies off of Push now. How about an asian boy version, or a Tulookizian Vuru from the planet Erazaa version? Yeah yeah, this band wagon has been jumped on and has been jumped off shortly after Oprah was there, but damn- way to make a cultural impact one named author with your one named book. I was watching Jerry Springer about a month ago, and the audience got out of hand, and in that ruckus they called the large set black woman on stage "Precious"... now there is the "you know you made it". And now, Independant Spirit Awards, which people love, and 2 high profile Oscar wins. Good on you. And one of those wins? Well it was for Original Queen of Comedy Mo'Nique. Host of Flavor of Love. Mo'Nique. Host of a plus sized beauty pageant on Oxygen that no one watched. Mo'Nique. Hosted Showtime at the Apollo. Mo'Nique. A woman who has 2 capital letters in here one name separated by a comma to stress the syllable Mo. And this isn't a Jennifer Hudson situation of right place, right time... and it's not even a Sandra Bullock situation of trying to please people who don't watch the Oscars. I don't know what situation this is. I don't even know how to make fun of the situation. I might even be happy for her. Why can't I tell what kind of emotion this has for me. Was it the forgone conclusion of the win? Perhaps. They also won best adapted screenplay, which I think is a million more times harder to win, but they had what it was based on in the title of the movie, so way to campaign for that. OK. I had to get that out. Good bye Precious jokes, you weren't that good.

MOVIES DO

Ok, I know I don't usually do multiple posts in one day (multipurposes post day) and hell (or fuck) I'm not even using a picture and am talking in a more normal tone, How Are You Doing - I Am Fine.

Oscar nominations are Thursday morning. It is Wednesday night. The thing about me is: I love Oscars. I love 'em. I'd fan their frou. Lock that baby in a baby dog cage. Shonter the olium to the turuvium of Buntchenswaffer. I ENJOY OSCAR BUZZ.

So here now here- is 3 groupings of 7 categories that will ultimately explain itself without me explaining so.

Best Picture

*who will win: 

Slumdog Millionaire - too much good will and precursor awards (could get tripped up if Oscar tries to be cool, which they do to be dicks- see Brokeback Mountain)

*who I'm rooting for: 

Curious Case of Benjamin Button - it made me cry, and 15 years ago it would've been a shoe in, it didn't make me cry

*who would win if the world were pure as I:

Step Brothers - there was such a heightened level of buffonary to it I've never felt before. It was a version of 'The Parent Trap" with swearing and straight out balls in forcing you to accept these characters and let them take you to absurd places and feelings. Plus I love sentences.

Best Director

*who will win: 

Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire- an artsy, mainstream film + a deserved director (Fincher could win cuz that movie was all about visual and storytelling)

*who I'm rooting for:

Darren Aronosky, The Wrestler- too put that much trust and get that much out of your actors and still maintain a indie charm plus showing such heart from such a brute subject- ku+dos

*who would win if the world were pure as I:

David Wain, Role Models- Wain Drain given a shot with studio money- nails it! Takes so-so plot and turns it on its ass gloriously.

Best Actor

*who will win: 

Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler- seriously, did you see this?

*who I'm rooting for: 

Richard Jenkins, The Visitor- just a personal favorite actor nailing a leading man role. Doesn't overplay anything just plays human emotion so perfect.

*who would win if the world were pure as I:

Danny McBride, The Foot Fist Way- "Let me think about that for a second. Ok, I've thought about it and I think my answer to that question would have to be "fuck you". I don't care if you wake up in a ditch with grown men shitting on you and jumping on top of your head. Maybe your nose will turn into a big ole dick and you can stroke that all the time. I hope your hair turns into dog shit one day. You wake up and you run your comb through it and all that it is, is little trundles of dog shit. The worst shit that you could imagine. AIDS... it's cool. Everything comes around sweetheart."

Best Actress

*who will win/who I'm rooting for/who would win if the world were pure as I: 

Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road - all the conventions of the house wife stuck in house role but with such intensity and overdue actressy

Best Supporting Actors

*who will win: I don't wanna say Heath Ledger, y'know cuz he's dead, but he has all the precursor awards but I just don't feel Oscar giving the Joker the award, so by default- Josh Brolin in Milk, but its ganna be Heath

*who I'm rooting for: Robert Downey Jr, Tropic Thunder - the fact that he's getting Oscar buzz and he's very likely to get a nomination for a comedy such as this, also the fact that he's brilliant and this character/performance will be around for years/and I'm finishing sentences like such as

*who would win if the world were pure as I: Jack Black was crazy underrated in Be Kind Rewind, and Michael Shannon should totally be nominated for being that crazy in Revolutionary Road, and I so wanna say the crazy Rob Corddry in Harold and Kumar, but the craziest of the crazy Tom Noonon as Sammy in Synecdoche, NY (which was my second choice in every character save for this one).... he brings too much weird energy and a somewhat reasonable voice in such unreasonable ways

Best Supporting Actress

*who will win: 

between Winslet the Reader and Penelope Cruz the Vicky Cristina Barcelona--- not a strong year for Supporting Actress

*who I'm rooting for: Viola Davis, Doubt -  I like it when people win for only 1 scene and boy did sister have a scene

*who would win if the world were pure as I: Catinca Untaru, The Fall - she basically isn't acting but its so works cuz for her too play this role this real and to be this cute making this movie as real as it did--- poof!

Best Original Song

*who will win: Bruce Springsteen's "The Wrestler" - the Acadmy tries to look cool in this category (Once, Eminem, 3 6 Mafia, nominating South Park) and they think Bruce will make them look cool, cuz it will

*who I'm rooting for/who would win if the world were pure as I: (these 2 groupings would be more similar you'd think, but I'm a realist, but I feel so passionate about this getting recognized for its greatness): 'Love Take Me Down (to the Street)' from Role Models--- ok its not eligable (but Broken and Bent from this movie is)--- but dammit this song was crazy spot on for being a fake Wings song... and it was a  hilarious joke in the movie. Take that Regina Spektor song from Chronicles of Narnia.

Ok, I'm done being like that. I just wanted to call it before Oscar does. 

later dick ducks