Reviews: Excuses sitcoms use to go to Disney

Blame ABC. The network and Disney have been exchanging hand jobs since 1954. So of course, ABC is going to advertise and get a free memorable episode out of this agreement where TV characters enjoy themselves at the Disney theme park. Note: ABC was purchased by Disney in 1996, only 3 of the shows visited Disney before that- 2 of which were Touchstone produced (which is owned by Disney) and the other was Full House- who of course went to Disney,

Let's look at some of the excuses used to play into this magical charade:

Golden Girls - Dorothy and Sophia are looking to spend time together. Dorothy tells her she can do anything she wants, and Sophia, as fun-loving as she is, wants to ride splash mountain. They go, but they argue, then they are happy, and a finally their voice-overs are heard on a shot of Splash Mountain. None of the actually episode was filmed in Disneyland.

Blossom - Nick, Blossom's Dad, gets a job as Elvis in Disney. I don't know why. He tries hiding the job, but everyone goes to Disney where Joey hits on women and Blossom has a fight with her boyfriend. Sixx is also there. I don't know why they needed an Elvis impersonator or how they explained if he lost the job or not after the episode. I do remember there was a scene with Joey and a nun though.

Full House - OK, get this: Jesse and the Rippers- who are semi-popular in this fake reality get asked to play at Disney. Do bands actually get to play Disney? Anyway its believable enough. Until the dominos fall. Jesse uses this as a second Honeymoon with Becky and they take the kids. Joey, who at the time hosted a radio show with Jesse, gets permission to do the Radio show in Florida (those California radio stations and their lax attitude), and they do it underwater for some reason. Wake-up San Francisco is in re-run week, which why would they do that, and all the girls are on school vacation coincidentally. Also Kimmy's parents pay for any vacation for her as long as it is not with them. It was a joke, but Kimmy's personal life is fucked up. Eventually Steve comes down to visit because he can afford to because of love.

Family Matters - At least we have some trying as to why a large group of broad characters whose shenanigans keep them away from a vacation would finally find it in their schedule to go and visit Disney. The cast of Family Matters went to Disney because Urkel was entered in an inventor's competition, which they don't hold at any prestigious place known for science but at Epcot Center. He invites the Winslows. Also Waldo is there to balance out the disbelief in characters, but he and Eddie never make it to Disney. His invention was of course the machine that turns him into Stephan Urquel. And he gets stuck as Stephan for awhile because that's an interesting story. I believe Myra comes down to Florida and a weird love triangle ensues. It is weird Steve didn't invite his girlfriend but a family that is known to hate him.

Roseanne - The most believeable of excuses? Well inherently yes, because fat people are the type of people you see at Disney. Dan gets his final paycheck from Lanford Garage and takes the whole family down to Disney. It's weird because they are the Conners and are generally bastards, but hell- its a happy place they've never been to, and they are dumb enough to fall for it. This is actually my favorite visiting Disney plot, if only because there are a lot of jokes about them being poor.

Step By Step - Frank's Mom sends the family to Disney as part of their inheritance. That's weird right? I guess we should see how much inheritance money there actually is, but still she is saying "Here. Use the money I am going to give you when I die." Flash, who was replacement Cody, has the best storyline where he tries to break the record for doing everything at Disney the fastest because the other record holder isn't American. So we not only get the cheesy magic of Disney, but the hollowness of American Pride.

Boy Meets World - Topanga wins a trip to Disney through Science. Corey follows with Shawn because they are broken up at this point and generally teenage whininess ensues. What is weird here is that Corey meets Dana from Step By Step for no reason whatsoever and she gives Corey advice.

Sabrina The Teenage Witch - Guess What? SCIENCE CLASS! But at least she's a witch and things go awry. Also her Aunts are there because they should be and they unfreeze a caveman they find at Disney.

The Simpsons - Offering some believability and class to the Disney experience is the best show ever, The Simpsons. They had to visit eventually, right? Well they visit Efcot Center only. For the Teacher of the Year Awards, in which Mrs. Krabappel is nominated for. The Simpsons just use this as an example to take pot shots at how shitty Epcot is. "It's even boring to fly over." A sign reads: "when all other places are booked". And a final joke where Homer sneaks into Disney setting off alarms and then groans at the price of a Churro.

Did I miss any? God I hope so. I wish more sitcoms would go to Disney, just to really hammer home that Disney is ultimately a crappy destination, and sitcoms themselves crossover well into crappy destinations.

Review: the later seasons of Family Matters

What started off as a cautionary tale of getting too close to your neighbor, and the inexplicable reasons for constantly letting that neighbor in your home, turned into why that neighbor is now part of that family that matters. That could've been handled with some gravitas and charm with some heartfelt being felt by hearts. But, uh, no. The late seasons of Family Matters basically turned into Steve Urkel becomes even more Steve Urkel. Gone are his endearing qualities replaced by more high pitch maneuvering and goofy mix-ups. Also, the grandma didn't die. That would've been something. Carl himself become more straight man pandering, not letting Reginald VelJohnson do any acting.

Did family really matter in Family Matters? Eddie and Laura were too dependent on their family, learning lessons from them each week. These 2 chuckleheads can clearly not make it in the real world, because they are too busy mattering about family. That's not even a huge beef with late seasons of the show. Where is Rachel? And if Rachel is gone, how come her son Richie is there with a new cuter Hip-Hopier kid named, uh, 3J. What did 3J offer? More shenanigans for the kids! Which is no trust in your established characters. Why can't they carry the show anymore? Because the writers are lazy and their laziness got in the way so many years ago that this train was wrecking years ago. We got more Stefa Urkel and situations where his science made crazy things happen, or more special episodes about guns, but we got less heart. And for a show subsequently lacking heart it meant doom. Family Matters was shoved over to CBS for its last season on Friday nights, a great place for a show to fade away. It also had Steve living with the Winslows, which- I don't get at all. Family Matters was hijacked by the nascent Steve Urkel upon its arrival. When thought and reason entered their child viewers minds, that spelled doom for a show not willing to make itself better or break from a mold of its break-out character. Waldo was kind of funny though. Kind of.