Living in New York- I can getta da slica of da pizz'a anytime I want. The thing is, I have many, many choices of pizza restaurants. And I have to decide if I want it by the slice or a whole pie. And who is chipping in. And counter in cost of delivery. And hear everyone's philosophy on tipping. The whole process takes away the excitement of eating pizza. The blissful ignorance of being a child and eating a meal with melted cheese by using only my hands. I miss being excited about pizza.
So to all the blog readers under 10: -your asshole parents need to monitor your fucking computer usage, and enjoy pizza while you still can. Enjoy that an adult just hands it to you. Enjoy it while your palette doesn't care about extra toppings, and is perfectly fine with the cheaper option of no toppings.
To help with that excitement, songs have been created. Simple songs, your simple plain cheese pizza mind can understand. But why settle for Pizza Outlet when you can easily get Pizza Hut? I'm here to tell you which Children's Pizza Related Novelty songs should be "eaten crust first" and which ones to "store in the fridge for breakfast tomorrow".
What's Hot in Pizza Songs? Pizza Kids - We Like Pizza
No more The Go-Go's, Pizza Kids GOT THE BEAT. Honestly, tell me the difference (besides lyrics) between house music and We Like Pizza. It's so insanely euro-trash down to the unique enunciation of "pizah". But the song nose dives and crashes and passengers die at those awful lyrics. How about that non-linear chorus? "we like pizza in the morning/ we like pizza EVERY DAY/ we like pizza in the evening/ we like pizza ANYWAY"? If you say everyday, I understand that it entails morning and evening. And anyway other than what? When you say anyway- you shouldn't be agreeing with yourself. And not to mention- a still picture? This is 2018- make god'am video! Granted you did put the most attractive member (the Timberlake) out in front, and the girls sure can point both properly and awkwardly with her thumbs while also shoulder too much shoulder and not enough shoulder. My final decision. Much like Domino's- this pizza is best served stoned.
OLD SCHOOL- Olsen Twins - Gimme Pizza
The Olsen Twins represent a gold standard in the marketing home videos to children world, so I am totally fine with letting them act in Weeds, or be CEO of a company I'll never hear about. In their ode to pizza, they have a relatable battle cry of 'I want pizza', and offer the spelling. With the girls, parkinson-esque dancing on one side and the rainbow gang on the other- the friends extoll the virtues of curiousty and adventure by putting various items on the pizza. They kind of try here heightening from sausagesto ice cream to oreo to chicken tounge to a reference of fried green tomatoes. They weren't compelling, but they tried. Too many fast cuts for my stomach. I didn't have enough time to decide with girl I related to most. Also, their reaction shots at the audacity of their pizza toppings are a great reminder that children haven't developed all their emotions yet. But this pizza is easy enough to digest, thanks to beginning framing device in which we get to see some of the most earnest synced up head shaking on film.
This Pizza Place by us is the best pizza I ever had: Unknown Japanese Pizza Song
Japanese creative types are more in touch with the world, then our indulgent American selves. I am not going to pretend I know anything that happens here, but the song doesn't SOUND as basically structured as the last two videos, and the colors actually make me happy. Plus there's a point where something (either garlic or poop) is shown, then a dog runs out, then a man- this is followed by question marks which leads me to believe they don't know what happened either.
This happens twice actually. All with images of Italy, checkerboard backgrounds, and easy to imitate dance moves, Pizza Song is insanely fun and proves the point that lyrics ruin songs. This pizza was cooked in a well-maintained oven solely designed to hold one pizza pie at a time, which is bad for business- but make for one delicious pizza. I would say it's like 'White Pizza', but I am trying to get kids to eat it.
This has been Dumb Reviews, aiming for a lower age demographic.
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