Hiawata! - These Boys and This Band is All I Know

Reasons why you are Tim Allen

-Everytime the TV says 'Stay Tuned' you do scales

-You spend all your money on ways to breath better

-When asked what your spirit animal is, before you have a chance to answer, someone always interrupts with "Parrot Ape Hybrid"

-Your limit for cost of a drink is $6

-The last time you took responsibility for your own actions, you had to take down the castle you made of Twizzlers

-you describe things as 'golden' to much

-this is slander

-you try to befriend security guards if they have shaved heads

-you are impresed by people who can break boards

-you wrote 3 soap operas all titled "as the turtleneck drops"

-you have been divorced from 19 dogs and still owe them all the matching jackets you promised

-you masturbate to the Bonnie Hunt Show, but only during commercial breaks

-you're indestructible

-you don't get The Office, but tell people its your favorite show

-Rome if you want to

-Everytime you make eggs, they don't turn out white

-You break your friend's swimming pools consistently

-you're bringing Megawhore Back

-You are not allowed in Planes that go over Iceland

-you only eat turkey on Thanksgiving, but the fact that you do drives you away from people

I Enjoy Christmas More: Put Me Down

You Can Create Autobiographies for Fictional Characters: Yukon Cornelius

Lovers Love Haters - EP

Meeting Brian Dennehy was the thrill of my life, only because I thought he was a bear that turned into a human. I asked him all the normal questions, 'how late do you stay up?', 'how many times have you nonpurposely seen Holly Hunter naked?', 'when's dinner?', 'after you finish up can you take out the garbages?'. He responded with answers I can only describe as normal but I was too distracted by his garb. A tshirt and jeans? This was a hollywood star who has appeared on the likes of a just shoot me, and he denegrates himself to a 80 dollar designer tee? I was so taken that I started jabbing toothpicks in his side and chest. I used them as steps and holdings to climb the massive actor. I climbed to the deepest high peek in the burlsome man's face and spray painted a rainbow distillery labeled with 'Our Neighboring Thumbs'. I then climbed to the summit, the top of his head and saw all that the world was offering. My life was made here, in the thick air in thin hair. I started hearing rumblings from below, and I felt my sainthood melting- it was time for Dennehey to go, to be shared by another.  I greased myself from the blood and saliva of a dead water bison found along the brim of the ear and slid down to safety, smelling the overpowering man scent as I came closer to his taint. I will never forget my time on Brian Dennehey, for he was eating my children at the time.

Your life story after you lost the weight: Dead End Trail

The Demographic for Action Movies: people who don't know who Amy Adams is

Noisettes - Wild Young Hearts

We gave the baby blocks to help it to learn words vertically. We gave the baby a soul patch to make people hate it, as to learn self worth. We gave the baby the arc d'triumph because we had it. We gave the baby a hoveround because it was fun seeing the dynamic. We gave the baby distance because it was in one of its moods. We gave the baby a baby who gave it larger hands. We grave the baby a french last name. We made the baby's hit and run look like an accident because the format of this sentence is different. This baby never had a chance, you gotta see it from our perspective. Its father was of normal intelligence... its mother- also of normal intelligence (Bob LaMonta). This baby had all its hopes on being a supreme court justice before it learned to eat. This baby is a bike whose horn sounds like a cough. This baby is 1192 AD and sees the folly of technology. Its shirt is suicidal and its eating the news.

Output of a Pine Tree Shaped Fruit Scented Car Air Freshner: Cheap Kicks

Animal Vigilante Bio: Above the Claw

Amen Dunes - Dia

So we were making chalkboards last Friday and watching Wife Swap Season Finale when all of a sudden we were watching commercials asking us, US!, to buy products. They used visuals and information to try and persuade us into buying these products and services. Of al the nerve. This isn't even New Orleans, where they need to buy. I mean jazz music by the water? That is just a rip off of Egypt and the Nile. Egyptian music is all about ups and bounces. And Egypt is the tannest place in Africa. We also care about their history more for some reason. History is for sidewalks anyway. Their development into the proud side roads for people and dugs and dogs and Latin American cuisine they are today. The first sidewalks were actually open faced gutter pipes for human waste and surfing rats. And thats why we have reality TV: so that one day we can have important reality TV. Its your matter and our selfishness. Together America and Strategic Relief Plans. This now evermore.

Your View is Broad,  but your district is small: Fleshless Esta Mira, Wife of Space

Sometimes I feel Obliged to tell: I wrote this on the toilet.

Memorial Day Cop Out

Memorial Day means we made it!

Top 10 Kids Incorporated Videos I Watched this weekend.

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Looking here is a bonus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTmmieh4Vsw

Telemundo Today: Univision Forever