Chris Garneau - El Radio

Thats just a great ocean. It has all the qualities I love in an ocean: wet, adjacent to land, part irish, doesn't finger stain from cheetos, is free, overweight but proud, stuck on the vest fad, chews gum slowly, sits with their knees tucked in, boyfriends, gets away with murder, can take a punch, can take a scissor stab, smells like cigarettes, great debater. I once saw this ocean make a spanish omelet with only 1 egg and some old chap stick. This ocean houses more missing people than your pussy ocean. This ocean graduated from over 16 dog obedience schools. Maybe ocean's born with it, maybe its maybeline. This ocean conquered the space king Zarthaneon in the year 560 AD. This ocean irons diapers and was the first woman with a short haircut. This ocean. This ocean. This ocean.

Know Your Product: No More Pirates

Medical Dramas: Nice Try

Discovery - LP

When I was your age- time was written on dogs in a cage. One was released every minute with a dog catcher catching the minutes passed dogs. This was a great system, proving to be too easy so they started letting out the dogs in different parts of the town making the time dog catcher's job even more eventful. It was a spectacle to witness. The system went debunk after he couldn't catch 2:44 pm one day and everyone kept thinking it was 2:44 pm. Turned out 2:44 pm was making its business with 11:07 pm and were found at 11:34 pm with 7:18 pm and the corpse of 2:50 pm. Still was a good system. Unless the time dog got wet. The times were written on the released dogs in washable marker, and sometimes if a dog wasn't caught within its designated minute the time would rub off or be smudged. If it was rubbed off the dog was free to go. This caused a lot of doubling up dogs with times. The towns folk would be confused and say "why is 1:18 out at 4:47?" If a time dog became smudged, he was put down because of poor work. Still was a good system though. When clocks became the standard, we just tied a whole lot of them to the time dogs and let the dogs roam free. The problem with that was our clocks were crudely made and usually started a fire on the dogs who were mobile enough on fire to spread it even quicker than wildfire. Thats why we use the term, 'spread faster than a time dog fire.' Its also why there are so few people in this town. 'Cuz of all the time dog ghosts haunting the village. Also- we don't keep track of time anymore.

The Smell of Marble to Marbles: So Insane

What I Stand for: Chairs

Tiny Vipers - Life on Earth

Hi Ho Turtle Doves, Caleb here. I know I don't usually 'break' from the assigned tone I made up and blatantly address you like this. BUT, something important has happened and I would just like to share some advice with you: Never Eat at a Thank Goodness Its Fridays in New York Stoned. Now- I can't speak for other Thank Goodness Its Friday establishments outside New York City, but all the ones here are tourist destinations. Therefore, vis a vi, they are riddled with the depressed run-off of employees who are toiled in the muck and mire by having to serve tourists who think they are out for a nice New York meal when they are at a fucking Thank Goodness Its Fridays (I'm not saying TGIF's because that is a nickname and nicknames are for friends and Thank Goodness Its Fridays is nooo friend of mine). But, man, having a 50 something middle eastern food runner just puts things in perspective. He came to this country- to work in a dank pit with shit nailed to the wall- to bring out food to me, this fucking stoned kid with a gift card who has blue juice all over my face and is dressed 2 steps above a homeless man? That's so sad. He most likely has a family, and this is what his son is seeing him as- the old guy who brings out food, who gets perentages of a tip? And the waitress- man, there was this foreign group (possibly Lithuanians) who kept hitting on the waitress and making her pose in funny pictures they took (peace signs, stick your tongues outs) and it was painfully clear to us at least that she got rejected from so many other jobs that this was the net that caught her. I'm sorry- we all have to get by- but it is good to know strip clubs have standards. And thats awful I say that, cuz I hve no fucking clue but that is what the situation is lending itself too. But, man, I was her peer. I am her peer. And when you have to hear from someone your own age that they want this shrimp wrapped in bacon, and then you have to brig it to them, and you see them eat it like a video in rewind of a bear vomiting... that job sucks. And I realize this as its happening, and man- it was sad. We were the only ones in the Thank Goodness Its Fridays at a point. Tuesday night, stoners eating at a restaurant after a family dressed in Miami Dolphins paraphernalia left a 10% tip.. good luck. Just never eat at a Thank Goodness Its Fridays stoned- its like eating remorse wrapped in melancholy with a high calorie count.

You were a mall for halloween: Young God

Wish for More Muscles: in your mouth

Valet - False Face Society

"Don't do it,  Johnny No Fingers! Don't palm him to death! He was only trying to sell us locks for our air conditioner which I believe is a good idea while the skunk-raccoon mixed species family that resides in our air conditioning unit is out for their Sunday stroll."

"But I got to."

"NO! Don't! Johnny No Fingers, noooo! I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, and I am not saying that I don't love the skuncoon family who I have watched development into a cohesive family raising 2 wonderful boys. Sure they have their ups and downs, but thats family, ya know. I am simply suggesting it is in not the right mind frame to palm this man to death, because it takes forever for you to do so."

"I'm gonna do it..."

"Not to mention the wear and tear on your palms. I mean the palms are the only thing on your hand. And they ain't in too good shape because of your method of ass wiping. Plus again- the time frame here- it would take at least 4 to 5 hours to bluntly kill this man with only your palms."

"Listen, I.."

"Johnny No Fingers! There is nothing saying he won't fight back. This is just an e-mail anyway. We don't know what this man is capable of, but I am fairly certain that he will fight back. And chances are he is a normal person with fingers and not high on PCP. So I implore you, just empty the spam folder. It'll all be over soon."

"It'll all be over soon."

"It will all be over soon."

"Te Tall Te Ta Ta a-rooooo."

AND SCENE.

These Characters In This Color: Angels Can't Stop

Modern Pen Sounds: Silence

CocoRosie - Coconuts, Plenty of Junk Food

 

Wait, those are actors? They weren't really convinced that saving money is the best option? That's not cool.

Your No. 3 Receiver's Breakout Year: Its a Tour Only EP

I'm busy: Doing what?